Am I the other woman? Is this an affair?

[shackies]

Hello. I won’t waste time here, I’ll get straight into it.

In November, one of my old friends and I had a one night stand. It was the best sex I have ever had. So passionate and adventurous. However, he is married and I am separated.

Yes I know, it’s terrible. We went to school together and have known each other since we were 12. We reconnected around 15 months ago and have chatted on and off since.

We had flirted a bit online before he came to my house and we had sex. This has only happened once. Since then, we have spoken on and off. I have tried to cut contact with him a couple of times but we always start talking again. He would usually initiate it.

Recently, I told him I was finding the whole situation difficult and he agreed it was. We both also agreed that the whole no contact thing was something we both sucked at.

Over the past few days, communication has really ramped up. We speak from morning until bedtime and throughout the day. Lots of flirting, but nothing particularly romantic. We talk about our days and have general chit chat too. He likes to know what I am doing, watches my posts on social media, asks for pictures of me and asks about men pursuing me.

I know I have been naive, or just buried my head perhaps. This is beginning to feel like it’s developing.

If you were his wife, would you consider this an affair? How would you recommend I move forward here? Thanks.

I'll never understand how all these ONS or affairs "just happen".

You knew he was married.
You knew what you were doing (as did he).
It was a conscious choice.
If he treats her like shit, how on earth do you think you'll be sent different?

At least own your shitty, selfish behaviour. You knew what you were doing and did it anyway. Owe it and understand why you behave this way.

In answer to OPs questions:

If I were his wife I'd come round bop you on the nose, love.

How I think you should move forward from here? Pedal backwards and make it un-happen.

ummm … yah! It’s an affair and you are the OW. Whoops-a-daisy! Giggle giggle 🤭

Is this even real?

He sounds like a total schmuck btw.

OP I think you need to give your head a wobble and realise that you are enabling a man to emotionally abuse and betray his wife and his whole family.

It’s serious stuff. Really. It is.

I know of one wife who was sectioned she was so distraught and never really recovered. Betrayal is BIG. It’s not fun. It’s not flirty fun. It’s absolutely bloody devastating.

I'm not sure why you would be trying to pretend it was anything other than that. You snagged him behind his wife's back, on the pretext of having a great friendship with him, and are in constant contact, probably ramping up to another shag. Even if you're not, the contact is utterly inappropriate. You stop contact, immediately, and block. If not, yes, you you remain someone who is shagging and having an affair with someone else's husband

She hasn't "allowed this to happen", she's been a willing participant.

I find the wording of your posts a bit strange. Doesn’t matter how long you’ve known him or how long the sex was or how often. It still would be an affair. I feel like you’re acting like he’s your true love and it was meant to be because you found each other after this long etc but the reality is if something is too good to be true, it probably is

You said the ONS wasn’t planned. What on earth was he doing round your house after chatting online for 15 months? 😂

Unless this man has an open marriage and his wife also has extra marital affairs then you are basically the OW having an affair with a married man cheating on his wife. You obviously have reciprocal feelings for each other so the only decent thing would be for this cheating man to tell his wife the marriage is over. Something tells me this would never happen. Sadly most affairs are never due to the fact the cheating couple actually want to spend the rest of their lives together. The majority of affairs are more for the buzz they get from illicit sex.

This.

OP it might be fun for you but you are potentially destroying lives here.

Can you really not find someone else to fuck? If you’ve known him since you were a child you’ve had plenty of chances to make it work with him. Bottom line is, he didn’t marry you. He didn’t respect your saying this makes you uncomfortable. He’s just using you. You are not his girlfriend or his even an affair partner you are just someone he fucked once and thinks he can pressure into doing it again.

He sounds vile.

Block him. No goodbye, no explanation, just block.

Completely agree. The way your post is written ( and the very fact you even posted it) reeks of you wanting us all to say it would normally be a grubby affair but in THiS instance - esp given the wonderful “ adventurous” sex - it’s Destiny.💖✨🎆
It isn’t OP. It’s the grubby, scabby, generic shag on the side scenario. Sorry to burst the bubble.

The thing you have to recognise, if the wife found out and chucked him out, would you be happy with him moving in with you?

Would I consider a husband sleeping with a woman who's not his wife an affair? Er yes 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

I don't understand your 'confusion'. Did you think you may not be having sex with him and developing a relationship?

It is most certainly an affair, and you are the other woman. Additionally, you are on the edge of breaking up a marriage over a man who you have reason to KNOW cheats on his partners/wife. My father once worked for a serial cheater. When the other woman in that case married the man, and was cheated on in her turn, my mother's comment was, "Honey, if they will do it WITH you, they will do it TO you."

If you knew he was married why on earth did you have sex with him?????

Obviously he shouldn't have had sex with you or anyone else other than his wife as he knows he's married (unless it's a mutually agreed open marriage)

That’s brilliant!

Mom had a way with words.

hi guys as this is such a helpful forum, do you mind if I also ask some very difficult questions?

is the pope Catholic?

did Boris break covid restrictions with a piss up while the whole nation took it on the chin?

do politicians lie?

and finally....

is it cold in the North Pole?

Is the question you are really asking "Is his marriage over?"

You obviously have feelings for him, and frankly you know that inviting him to your house alone was a recipe for trouble. Can you hand on heart say that you didnt even think it might happen? Otherwise why not meet in the pub for a drink or somewhere else in public?

The fact is that even if his marriage is in the death throws, so what? You now know some valuable information that the man who gets your knickers wagging is unreliable, unfaithful and a liar. Either a) he gets the next one lined up before he leaves (very common, sadly) and so you wont know that your relationship with him is over until he is balls deep in the next one or b) he is a serial shagger and you were just another one on his bedpost and if you keep seeing him, thats all you will ever be.

I have been the wife to a man like this (he was a shagger, wanted the wife and family but extramarital fun on the side) but unlike others on this thread, I wont tear you to pieces and call you a disgusting human blah blah.....I dont know why people do that, serves no purpose. I will say that you need to look at why you were so easy to seduce. What are you missing in your life that meant that he could worm his way in (literally!) and keep you hooked. There is obviously something you need that he seemed to give you. Attention? Affection? Sex? There are other morally better and emotionally healthier ways to get those. The fact that a one night stand three months ago is getting this much head space shows that isnt good for you.

For YOUR good, delete and block on all channels. But if he wife ever contacts you I would suggest you do the right thing and tell her the truth.

I can’t fathom why you’ve posted this. Attention seeking? There’s only one type of response you’re going to get and you’ve got it. Awful behaviour. You come across as selfish, immature and a bit thick.

I like your mom's flair!