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Original poster

Am I the other woman? Is this an affair?

305 replies

shackies · 16/01/2024 21:04

Hello. I won’t waste time here, I’ll get straight into it.

In November, one of my old friends and I had a one night stand. It was the best sex I have ever had. So passionate and adventurous. However, he is married and I am separated.

Yes I know, it’s terrible. We went to school together and have known each other since we were 12. We reconnected around 15 months ago and have chatted on and off since.

We had flirted a bit online before he came to my house and we had sex. This has only happened once. Since then, we have spoken on and off. I have tried to cut contact with him a couple of times but we always start talking again. He would usually initiate it.

Recently, I told him I was finding the whole situation difficult and he agreed it was. We both also agreed that the whole no contact thing was something we both sucked at.

Over the past few days, communication has really ramped up. We speak from morning until bedtime and throughout the day. Lots of flirting, but nothing particularly romantic. We talk about our days and have general chit chat too. He likes to know what I am doing, watches my posts on social media, asks for pictures of me and asks about men pursuing me.

I know I have been naive, or just buried my head perhaps. This is beginning to feel like it’s developing.

If you were his wife, would you consider this an affair? How would you recommend I move forward here? Thanks.

OP posts:
JacquiDaytona · 16/01/2024 21:06

Erm - yes. Not sure what an affair is if it’s not sex and developing a relationship with another person. Why do you think it’s not??

StaceysDaughter · 16/01/2024 21:06

You slept with her husband… I think she would consider you the other woman yes

sprigatito · 16/01/2024 21:07

Obviously it's an affair Confused

It's a bit pathetic to agree that you both "suck at no contact". At least take ownership of the terrible choices you've made.

UpUpUpU · 16/01/2024 21:07

It is 100% an affair. If I were his wife he’d be out on the street.
dont be the other woman. Have some respect for his wife and yourself.

AmyandPhilipfan · 16/01/2024 21:08

Well as you've had sex with him and are still in pretty constant contact then yes I would consider it an affair. I would have sympathy with you if you hadn't known he was married but as you do then I would be furious with both of you.

lap90 · 16/01/2024 21:08

Yes, you're the other woman and yes it's an affair.

Good luck.

PieAndLattes · 16/01/2024 21:09

Yes, that’s an affair. He’s shagged you and he’s planning on doing it again. Step back and find someone good enough for you. This man is happy to shag you behind his wife’s back. That’s one hell of a low quality man.

strawberry2017 · 16/01/2024 21:09

You know it's an affair. He's married and he's not only having an emotional affair it's also been physical.
You talk to him because you don't want your stop.
You know full well this isn't going to end well.

countvoncount · 16/01/2024 21:09

Why don't you "not waste time" and ask her?
You know if you're unsure?

Bluedabidee · 16/01/2024 21:09

Sorry, but what a stupid question... of course you are the OW!
Moving forward block him, delete him from all social media and make sure the guys you hook up with in future are single.

BCBird · 16/01/2024 21:10

I would be giving him.his marching orders if i was his wife . Thankful I am.not. I would find someone available and cut all contact.

Raspberrymoon49 · 16/01/2024 21:10

This is grubby and makes me feel faintly sick, “we both suck at no contact” as if it’s something you have no control over, it’s horrible, the poor wife, he’s disgusting and so are you for continuing with this

MayThe4th · 16/01/2024 21:10

This is a joke right?

Pumpkinpie1 · 16/01/2024 21:11

Don’t be so naive you know exactly what this …… is

Wonderingforever · 16/01/2024 21:11

Yes. How would fcking her husband and now in daily contact flirting and all the no doubt sexual innuendo not be an affair.

Honestly find your self esteem. Look your self in the mirror and ask is this really the type of person you want to be?

Taking part in the level of carnage an affair causes to other people to boost your ego and self esteem?

Nearlyspring72 · 16/01/2024 21:11

Got to be a joke

MailMe1 · 16/01/2024 21:11

You’re both idiots.

TheUsualChaos · 16/01/2024 21:11

Yes it's an affair. You slept together and are continuing contact because you are attracted to each other and will end up having sex again if this continues. He will suggest meeting up "as friends" and one thing will eventually lead to another. It's not complicated to understand. If you feel bad about it then block him and put an end to it.

Mitherations · 16/01/2024 21:11

How would you define an affair if not this?

WhimsicalMoth · 16/01/2024 21:12

Of course it would be considered an affair.
What else would it be ? You slept together.
Jesus Christ

AnneKipankitoo · 16/01/2024 21:12

Yes

Olika · 16/01/2024 21:13

Pretending it's not an affair is not going to change the fact it's an affair and you are the other woman.

2Old2Tango · 16/01/2024 21:13

He's cheated on his wife by screwing another woman. You are the other woman.

Now you're ramping up contact and flirting.

Yes it's an affair. It's a betrayal of his wife. Hope you're proud of yourself.

angsanana · 16/01/2024 21:13

FFS. I thought this was going to be about an evasive OH who you suspected might be married but was lying to you. Of course it's an affair.

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 16/01/2024 21:14

Know that while he's sneaking about with you, hiding his phone, making excuses to disappear to contact you, he's gaslighting his wife.

Gaslighting can become torturous mental abuse and can literally destroy people.

If you are any kind of decent person, you will not be complicit to the abuse of another woman.

Your posts read like "we've both been really naughty, oops" which is frankly disgusting at the level of respect you are both showing to the welfare of another person.