Am I the other woman? Is this an affair?

[shackies]

Hello. I won’t waste time here, I’ll get straight into it.

In November, one of my old friends and I had a one night stand. It was the best sex I have ever had. So passionate and adventurous. However, he is married and I am separated.

Yes I know, it’s terrible. We went to school together and have known each other since we were 12. We reconnected around 15 months ago and have chatted on and off since.

We had flirted a bit online before he came to my house and we had sex. This has only happened once. Since then, we have spoken on and off. I have tried to cut contact with him a couple of times but we always start talking again. He would usually initiate it.

Recently, I told him I was finding the whole situation difficult and he agreed it was. We both also agreed that the whole no contact thing was something we both sucked at.

Over the past few days, communication has really ramped up. We speak from morning until bedtime and throughout the day. Lots of flirting, but nothing particularly romantic. We talk about our days and have general chit chat too. He likes to know what I am doing, watches my posts on social media, asks for pictures of me and asks about men pursuing me.

I know I have been naive, or just buried my head perhaps. This is beginning to feel like it’s developing.

If you were his wife, would you consider this an affair? How would you recommend I move forward here? Thanks.

Well how would you felt if it had been your husband doing it when you were with him. Talking to someone from morning to night is an emotional affair even without the sex you had.

Yes. It’s an affair.

I could have written your post myself about my ex who was married although he told me they had seperated. When both me & his wife found out he stayed with her & made out I was the chaser.

These men are all the same and as brutal as this sounds, you’re not special to him, his wife is/was. You’re the time filler and bit of excitement.

Not even then. It isn't done any more.

"If you were his wife, would you consider this an affair?"

Could always give her a ring and find out? "Hey Mr Cheating Bastard's wife, I shagged your husband and we are currently text flirting with each other morning, noon and night, for clarification have we overstepped the boundaries of your marriage? Ps how's the kids."

You had a one night stand but beacuse you have not met him again in your eyes its not an affair.

Op you have continued to flirt with him.he is a married man that's an affair you both are being hugely disrespectful to his wife take some responsibility!

Let’s see:
+Weak boundaries and flirtatious online lead-up
+Sex at your house
+More contact and feeble attempts to stop
+Escalation of affair — constant contact, flirting, photos, deepening connection

@shackies, of course it’s an affair, and it commenced when you 2 started flirting online. He’s an entitled, egocentric Player and you’ve helped him harm his innocent Wife. No amount of ego cookies or adventurous sex is worth hurting another human being and disrespecting yourself.

Individual counseling can help you strengthen your self-esteem and boundaries. I recommend it.

OP. Stop reading this thread. You're not a terrible human, mistakes happen. Chill. You haven't killed anyone. You recognise its not OK. Ita fine. Move on x

There is also something especially vile about him asking you about other men when it's clearly non of his business. Do you ask him if he has sex with his wife? He's either getting off on your answers - yuk! Or he's jealous- just as bad.
He's shown you that even if single, he's not a prospect as a partner, just a sleazy cheater with no respect.
Respect yourself and aim higher, many men are good in the bedroom and he might just have seemed all that because it's either been a while for you, or your ex was pretty crap for you.

Honestly, I'd be more bothered by the chatting and sharing. I think chatting all day from morning to night is very intimate more so than the sex.

Is he in the process of separating?

Yes and yes. Have some self-respect and stop this.

Because he’s the one who’s married. The OP owes the wife nothing. It’s morally dubious but she owes the wife nothing. The husband is the one having an affair. He wouldn’t have strayed if he didn’t want to stray. The OP is merely a bit on the side.

I recommend the block button

We would always communicate on Instagram, but the last few days, it's been moved to WhatsApp and we just message. His wife isn't home very often.

I disagree with the majority. It’s not an affair OP. He fucked you once and didn’t rush back for more. An affair is more than that, there is usually interest and keenness on the part of the non-single person to meet up. The online chat keeps you on the back-burner, that’s all, it means zilch.

He is a shagger I reckon. He won’t leave his wife, he wants no-strings fun with people who'll agree to it. There have probably been one or two other one night stands since yours in November.

You may be hoping for more. You won’t get it. This isn’t going to be a Burton-Taylor thing. Sorry.

Stop contact,he is married. There are lots of single guys who would love to meet you.

HE IS MARRIED. Think about it.

You say you’ve tried to cut contact with him, how? Surely the easiest way to cut contact would be to remove and block him from your social media and phone/ WhatsApp etc contacts. If you’ve done this how is he still getting in touch? If you haven’t done it, why not? This is the obvious thing to do, block and cut contact completely.

Omg, he's not called Michael and a father to four kids is he???

Also, yes clearly an affair. Go forward by stopping having said affair.

It’s 100% am affair and likely when his wife eventually finds out he probably won’t even want you, or at best will treat you the same as his wife and cheat on you. I know you don’t want to hear it but that’s the facts of it.

He shagged you while being married. You shagged him while knowing he's married. You're messaging him after shagging him. Come on. Whatever you call it, it's not great. Stop being selfish and faux naive.

Yes this is an affair. You need to go to therapy and work on the reasons why you have allowed this to happen knowing he is married.
He is trash.

His bags would be packed and outside if he was my husband... take a wild guest.

Where is she? Out working to pay the mortgage to keep the roof over his sorry ass whilst he has an affair or something?

Oh, yes, 100%, it's an affair. Unless you get consent from her and then it's people in an open relationship dating others. Would that be likely?

This.