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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's spotted passports are missing

159 replies

DucksNotQuiteInRowYet · 15/01/2024 11:09

I'm making plans to leave emotionally abusive and coercive H and take 3 kids to safety. My ducks are not quite in a row just yet as I don't have accommodation to go to but today he's spotted that the passports are not where they should be.

Help. What do I do next?

OP posts:
Worriedaboutleaving · 15/01/2024 11:15

Where are they? Can you say you were checking they ddid’t need renewing after a friend just spotted theirs were nearly expired? And the doorbell went and you rushed off to answer it with them in hand or something?

Mumsnut · 15/01/2024 11:17

Say you put them somewhere safer? Took them out to photograph the data page?

Original poster
DucksNotQuiteInRowYet · 15/01/2024 11:19

They're safely stored somewhere outside the home.

I was in A&E last night with a head injury (related to my need to leave) and I've feigned confusion and that need to sleep but can't keep this up

OP posts:
SleepPrettyDarling · 15/01/2024 11:21

Are you still in hospital? if yes, can you speak to a social worker. If no, can you have someone be in the house with you. I’m worried for you.

Stressfordays · 15/01/2024 11:22

'oh school needed them for ID, I must of forgot to get them back. I'll pop in and fetch them when I feel better'

Or

'Ive got not idea, you had them last I'm sure?'

VesperLind · 15/01/2024 11:24

Act ignorant and unconcerned. Ask why he needs them.

Dotty87 · 15/01/2024 11:26

Why was he looking for the passports while you were in hospital? Did he cause your injury?

egowise · 15/01/2024 11:27

Please don't go back there, if you are sustaining head injuries, this could easily lead to death.

As PP said, speak to the nurses. doctors at the hospital and ask to be supported.

Call women's aid.

Please don't go back.

Re passports, just feign ignorance.

HappyHamsters · 15/01/2024 11:28

How did you get the head injury, if it was him you need him to go, are you still in hospital or back home. If he is threatening or likely to hurt you can you call the police, a friend, family. Hope you're OK.

MadMadamMimz · 15/01/2024 11:28

Pretend you are as confused as he is about the missing passport.

But you need to leave him. Now. Can you speak to someone at the hospital? They should be able to signpost you to services that can help.

Sending big hugs xxx

Original poster
DucksNotQuiteInRowYet · 15/01/2024 11:28

He didn't cause the injury.

He wants pp to be able to confirm accommodation for a pre booked break (not that I have any intention of going on holiday with him or taking the kids)

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 15/01/2024 11:29

DucksNotQuiteInRowYet · 15/01/2024 11:19

They're safely stored somewhere outside the home.

I was in A&E last night with a head injury (related to my need to leave) and I've feigned confusion and that need to sleep but can't keep this up

I think you need to ramp up leaving it seems you are working on it but can you contact womens aid today and just leave they .might have a place of safety.

Mrsjayy · 15/01/2024 11:31

DucksNotQuiteInRowYet · 15/01/2024 11:28

He didn't cause the injury.

He wants pp to be able to confirm accommodation for a pre booked break (not that I have any intention of going on holiday with him or taking the kids)

how is your head injury connected ? you don't sound safe .

HappyHamsters · 15/01/2024 11:32

I have never needed a passport to confirm a holiday, where has he planned to go.

RaisingAnOnlyChild · 15/01/2024 11:33

Blame the head injury for not being able to answer. Keep saying you can't think straight, can't remember and you will look for them once recovered. Say they must have been misplaced when you booked the holiday or were checking if they need renewing and they will turn up etc

Doyoumind · 15/01/2024 11:34

I agree you should leave asap but accept that might not be possible for you right now. Are they with someone who can note down the details and share them with you so you can give them to him and you can pretend you've got them yourself? Is he at the house or at work?

Doyoumind · 15/01/2024 11:35

HappyHamsters · 15/01/2024 11:32

I have never needed a passport to confirm a holiday, where has he planned to go.

To be fair, you do often need passport numbers in advance.

MILTOBE · 15/01/2024 11:38

I would just say I had no idea where they were. How did you hurt your head?

lesdeluges · 15/01/2024 11:38

Oh I don't like the sound of all this. OP stay safe and speak to someone at the hospital please.

Original poster
DucksNotQuiteInRowYet · 15/01/2024 11:39

I have photos of them so will share these with him and continue the confusion

Am trying to work out how I can get myself and 2 kids out of the house this afternoon. One already at college and can stay elsewhere tonight.

He absolutely didn't cause the injury but his reaction to it and refusal to take it seriously is my indicator that the kids and I are not safe and he's not able to respond appropriately to a medical emergency.

Safeguarding referral made last night by hospital both for injury and for his behaviour towards me.

OP posts:
ChaoticCrumble · 15/01/2024 11:39

I'd say 'I don't know' and ask if he moved them. But first I'd try not to go back!

Grammarnut · 15/01/2024 11:39

If he didn't cause the injury why is it related to your need to leave? Just asking but if physical injury is involved you need to leave and go somewhere safe. Tell someone at the hospital.

Mrsjayy · 15/01/2024 11:44

Doyoumind · 15/01/2024 11:35

To be fair, you do often need passport numbers in advance.

Show quote history

yes this we have needed passport numbers when booking holidays

applepiesain · 15/01/2024 11:45

In life we have to accept that "if only I could do ....before doing...." is sometimes unhelpful, and that occasionally a leap of faith that everything will work out is what you need to make a decision.

While in many circumstances getting fully prepared before leaving is the best choice, it sounds like you are at a place where this may cause you harm.
I would advise to do your best to leave as soon as physically possible, and trust that someone along the way will help you and your children.
Even though you say your husband did not cause your injury, you say it is connected and so I believe that is quite a clear cut time to push forward in advance with something you are already planning for the future.

DrunkenElephant · 15/01/2024 11:47

Do you have anywhere you can go tonight? Friend, family?

If not PLEASE speak to a nurse, they are obviously already concerned if they have put in a referral for you.

Don't go back OP x

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