He's spotted passports are missing

[DucksNotQuiteInRowYet]

I'm making plans to leave emotionally abusive and coercive H and take 3 kids to safety. My ducks are not quite in a row just yet as I don't have accommodation to go to but today he's spotted that the passports are not where they should be.

Help. What do I do next?

Can you speak to the gp if he's not going with you? If he is, I don't know if there's an equivalent at surgeries but at pharmacies there's a signal you can give, ask for Annie, and they know to see you on your own.

@123
Of course you can leave the country without permission of the other parent!
It's really not unusual for one parent to travel abroad with their children and not get asked for permission from the other parent.

I hope you are OK op... Don't put the passports back or show him photos. He can't lose his temper in the hospital without him losing face can he?

@DucksNotQuiteInRowYet

Found a link for items in a 'go bag'. Remember you don't have to pack every single thing, especially if you only have a short amount of time. If you have no place to store one, try to 'group' things in one area, for example put kids' clothing/underclothing together in one drawer where you can just grab it rather than have to go through the drawers. And if you are concerned about removing the actual documents after his passport suspicion, at least take photos to keep on your phone.

I've bolded the things I feel are the most important in a 'grab and get the hell out' situation. All the rest can wait. YMMV

• Some form of identification. Passports, Visas and work permits.
• Money, savings books, cheque book, credit/debit cards.
• Keys for the house, car, work etc. (You could get additional keys cut and put them in your bag.)
• Child, Family Tax and any other benefit information.
• Driving licence and car registration documents.
• Prescribed medication/repeat prescription.
• Clothing and toiletries for you and the children.
• Address book and emergency contact numbers.
• Personal items (photos etc) or favourite toys for your children.
• Copies of any legal documents, eg injunctions.

https://www.gdass.org.uk/packing-an-emergency-bag/

This must be serious if authorities are already involved as a result of the circumstances of your hospitalization. It does sound as though he's suspicious about why the passports are not where they should be, and you should therefore be very careful. Abusive men are at their most dangerous when you are trying to leave.

As soon as possible, see a lawyer and arrange for a prohibited steps order to be put in place, especially if you fear he might try to take the children out of the country. Removing the passports gives you a short window of protection for now, but unfortunately if he has parental responsbility there is nothing you can do to prevent him cancelling the children's passports and ordering new ones. If a PSO is in place and he does renew the passports he can be prevented from taking them overseas without your permission.

I'm sorry you're in this position, OP. I agree with the posts upthread that it might not be safe for you to return in the circumstances. Ensure you take advice on this point and I hope you feel better very soon.

Calm down, the OP has never implied the father would take the kids overseas, that seems to have been made up by other posters.

just make sure wherever you have put them that he won’t find them and it be obvious you’ve taken them for any reason. If you have anybody that you trust to look after them until you need them do that. Game face on , do what you need for your children. Sending love and will power to you ❤️

YOu might 'lose custody', but they'd still be gone in the meantime.

And you can easily leave the country with them with passports. People do it every day.

Hope you're holding up ok OP. I was similarly trying to get my ducks in a row but my ex's behaviour forced me to do a midnight flit with DC (we are now peaceful, safe and happy btw). You can sort everything else out once you are safe. Once they suspect you want to leave the abuse usually escalates. Be very very careful and go go go! It's scary but you can do this, I am rooting for you.

Quite honestly your best bet is to get the police to escort you home for all the things you need and from there to a place of safety. That's what I did years ago. It isn't safe to go back now he knows the passports are missing.

Just tell him that they’re wherever HE put them away.

Not true, i spent time in the family law courts after being advised by a very expensive family law solicitor that i needed the mothers permission to take our daughter on a 2 week holiday.

Mother dearest had only just came back to the country after not seeing her daughter for 2 years ... yet i still needed her permission for a 2 week holiday.

To be clear you need permission of the other parent so long as they have "parental responsibility" to take your child out of the country.

I hope you get out safely xxx

Hope you're ok and well done.
If you haven't already, please talk to your GP they can assist you or refer you to right services and ensure the emergency services know your situation.

With regards to passports, would the I've put them somewhere safe but can't remember where? Work and state you photos off them as safety net in case this happened.

Are you able to go somewhere safe if you don't feel safe at home.

I agree.

The absence of the passports could well trigger him.

FUCKno.

That's the worst idea.

No. Good god, no.

Well done OP, you are strong.

But I agree you need to get out now, regardless of ducks, because he has seen they are missing.

It's not the kind of thing he'll just put to one side for now. He'll work it out.

Please don't go back. He's suspicious and if he thinks you're planning to leave him, you're in danger.

As others have said, your safety is more important than getting your ducks in a row. The very fact that you've posted on MN tells me that you've got a gut feeling you need to change your plans and cut loose now. Don't risk everything being normal and being able to bluff it. It's not worth the risk.

Good luck.

Putting them back would be potentially very dangerous, do not do that. Here's hoping you have left by now.

Gas light him - I have no idea / where did you put them last DH? At length

why would I have moved them etc

Some good advice here OP. Don't share photos. Just say yiu don't remember and that dr did day your memory could.be affected. Not sure where your children are, buy I am a teacher andnwe have a small number of children that we are absolutely not allowed to allow to leave school with anyone other than named adults. We also have warnings against an adult trying to collect his child. This might be an option that you wish to explore. Best wishes,take help from SW and women's aid. There are many threads on mn that show a happy ending to your type of situation if you want to read them for encouragement.

Proof of address is useful if you can also get it OP.

I hope you have managed to sort this issue out. I'd just deny any knowledge.

I just wanted to say, maybe your partner is suspicious of you leaving and that's why he is checking. Please be careful.

You are incredibly brave and I wish you the best of luck. I was in your position 4 years ago, and I'm now a much happier person. You can do this, positive thoughts to you and DC x

I hope you've left now. Be safe x