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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's spotted passports are missing

159 replies

DucksNotQuiteInRowYet · 15/01/2024 11:09

I'm making plans to leave emotionally abusive and coercive H and take 3 kids to safety. My ducks are not quite in a row just yet as I don't have accommodation to go to but today he's spotted that the passports are not where they should be.

Help. What do I do next?

OP posts:
Londonismyjam · 16/01/2024 13:11

TigerJoy · 16/01/2024 12:27

Thanks for updating us OP.

You don't need to ask strangers for forgiveness - we don't know your full situation. You are doing the best you can in a tough situation.

There's a hotline here if you want to talk to a real person about the specifics of your situation and get advice.
https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

Free legal protection (injunctions etc) is available here https://www.ncdv.org.uk/contact/

Directory of local support
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/womens-aid-directory/

Stay well. Good luck!

This. A very helpful post. Good luck OP, stay brave, we are with you.

Littlegoth · 16/01/2024 19:13

@Single123 No she does not need to agree to mediation, and she shouldn’t as her stbex is abusive. As there has been abuse mediators will not go ahead as they have standards and ethics they need to comply with. If abuse can be proved (which it can as the hospital have filed a safeguarding referral due to the injury and his behaviour) the OP will be entitled to legal aid in the family court so it won’t cost her anything. OP I suggest you get your legal aid in place now before you leave. Once you have it agreed you are covered for any family court issues relating to stbex.

REignbow · 16/01/2024 20:40

@DucksNotQuiteInRowYet l think that your plan re: the passports is a good one. They do say when leaving it can be the most dangerous time, so it’s best to keep yourself as safe as possible.

I will also add to please contact WA, rights of women etc to get as much support as you can.

Redruby2020 · 17/01/2024 17:21

Littlegoth · 16/01/2024 19:13

@Single123 No she does not need to agree to mediation, and she shouldn’t as her stbex is abusive. As there has been abuse mediators will not go ahead as they have standards and ethics they need to comply with. If abuse can be proved (which it can as the hospital have filed a safeguarding referral due to the injury and his behaviour) the OP will be entitled to legal aid in the family court so it won’t cost her anything. OP I suggest you get your legal aid in place now before you leave. Once you have it agreed you are covered for any family court issues relating to stbex.

Edited

Not completely true, I've been through Mediation with abusive ex, waste of time really.

Littlegoth · 17/01/2024 18:39

Redruby2020 · 17/01/2024 17:21

Not completely true, I've been through Mediation with abusive ex, waste of time really.

Show quote history

I can imagine, exactly why it’s not suitable 💐

Xenia · 19/01/2024 19:09

Storage in the cloud is a good plan although make sure he doesn't know your passwords etc. and could not delete them all.
(I don't agree with the person above saying "Most family law barristers and solicitors are the scum of the earth". Most of them are hard working professionals acting in their clients' best interests who provide invaluable help to those in distress.)

TeaGinandFags · 15/07/2024 15:48

Talk to a nurse and ask for the police.

They are able to get you and DC out and into a safe place.

Whatever you do, do not go back. It could seriously be the last thing you do. You're simply leaving a little earlier than planned.

Stay safe x

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 15/07/2024 17:03

@TeaGinandFags

Do you realise this is 6 months old, and the Op hasn't been back.

beenwhereyouare · 15/07/2024 20:07

@DucksNotQuiteInRowYet

Since your post popped up in trending, it made me wonder if you and dc are safe. If you happen to see this, could you update just to let us know you're okay?

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