He's spotted passports are missing

[DucksNotQuiteInRowYet]

I'm making plans to leave emotionally abusive and coercive H and take 3 kids to safety. My ducks are not quite in a row just yet as I don't have accommodation to go to but today he's spotted that the passports are not where they should be.

Help. What do I do next?

How did he respond to your head injury to make you think you aren’t safe?

I dont know I can't remember on repeat

A safeguarding referral might make you a higher priority for emergency accommodation. Ask to see the hospital social worker.

https://england.shelter.org.uk/professional_resources/legal/housing_options/accommodation_options_in_an_emergency

FFS, this is not a helpful question!

I don't think it's fair to project that one DV situation is the same as all others. Many men will be appeased temporarily by saying the right thing for long enough to get safe. Avoiding confrontation is key.

People are making suggestions and the OP is an adult woman not an empty bucket who will blindly and uncritically parrot something someone said online. She knows her DH and can choose a suggestion or none of them. It's not ok to tell people they're not thinking when they are trying to help. Your post infantilises the OP and PPs.

Deny deny deny

And delete your history/browse mumsnet on private mode

Just keep saying you have no idea and you put them in 'this place'. Turn it on him. Has he moved them, where are they, we need to find them etc.

@SisterMichaelsHabit I am simply asking posters to refrain from posting if they really have no experience of DV! In some cases it's blatantly obvious they haven't! Of course each situation is different but we don't know what type this is.

Please all try to remain on topic in order to support the OP. This is not a good time for derailing.

In such a way that the hospital team put in a safeguarding referral.

Thank you to everyone with helpful advice. I've just woken from a nap and am considering next steps. I have to see the GP this afternoon.

He's lying. or at least he doesnt need them now, if it's prebooked, it's prebooked.

Tell him that you don't remember atm, but do have the info to hand in terms of expiry date etc, so will sort that out when you are back home.

BUY TIME.

In any event, if he explains to the hotel/accommodation that his wife is in hospital atm, any business will give him some extra time to come back to them.

You can do this, well done on speaking to the hospital team. make sure they don't rumble this any more and they need to be VERY careful at what they say/do until you are free.

I'M sure you'll understand why I'm being deliberately vague about some stuff

OP can you call women's aid and see if they can get you into a shelter today?
https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

did you hide them because you thought he’d kidnap??

as people have said get help from somewhere like Refuge. I made the mistaken of thinking I could safely escape in the morning and was attacked while sleeping. My child and I have PTSD and needed years of therapy.

just go to a safe place now. Sort the details out later.

Do you need your husbands signature to renew passports? If not, then put them back so he can see them. You can cancel (say they are lost / stolen / withheld without permission) and get new passports if necessary.

Apart from that, I hope you can get out of this situation quickly.

You wondered earlier if there was anyway you and the children could get out of the house this afternoon - can you take your children with you to the GP ?

Disagree strongly.
She needs to leave now and take the children with her. The GP appointment is the perfect ruse for this. Just don't go back.

Hope the advice others have given helps and you are able to be somewhere safe from now on.

I don’t believe you need the passports for booking accommodation, which is what her DH said. Yes you would need them for flights but for accommodation, at most you would need the passport of the person booking. I think he is suspicious @DucksNotQuiteInRowYet and you should move your plans forward. Best of luck.

I've never needed passports to book accommodation in any country I've travelled to (and I travel quite a bit). This suggests that the OP's 'D'H is lying about the reason he's searching for them. He may suspect you're planning to leave OP. Don't assume he doesn't. Good luck 🍀

You need passports for flight confirmation, but not accommodation in my experience.

Op, very glad authorities are aware, stick to your guns, as others have said and just keep up the front of confusion until you're out of there. Good luck!

I have had a lot of experience with DV/DA professionally. DO NOT put the passports back. Steel your resolve and leave as soon as you believe you safely can today. Inform duty social worker (or the SW who dealt with the safeguarding) once you have left and inform police if you feel you need to, giving them the SW's details.

I agree, he's suspicious. But if you can do it safely, just brazen it out with "I don't know, I thought they were there" or "I don't know, I thought you'd moved them" or best yet, say nothing and just look confused.

As far as getting the hell out, many women have had to flee their homes with nothing but their children and the clothes on their back and they've managed to build new lives. You can, too. The main thing is to get out safely.

And just vaguely claim headache/confusion/upset as to why you don't know where the passports are. Don't engage much with this at all, just say you will deal with it tomorrow when you feel better. DON'T confront him directly or gaslight him saying that he must have moved them/must know where they are. He is already suspicious and will suspect this as a tactic too. Play dumb for time until you are out.