Gutted friend doesn’t fancy him

[NancyLou89]

Hi, it’s my 1st time posting here, I was just wondering if I could get some opinions please.

So basically, my husband has had a crush on a woman we both know for years. I know it, all
his friends know it, she knows it, even her husband knows it to some degree.
Recently I was having a chat with her and she told me she fancied 1 of my husbands close friends. I pushed her to answer what she thought of my husband, and she said she didn’t fancy him whatsoever, he wasn’t her type etc.
I basically thought this was hilarious, I couldn’t wait to go home and tell him after all the years of little comments about her looks, trying to wind me up etc.

So I told him and he looked absolutely devastated. He kept asking me to repeat exactly what she said. He said he was gutted but I wouldn’t understand as it’s a ‘guy thing’. This was over a week ago and ever since he’s been really quiet and not himself, almost like he’s sulking. I don’t get what the problem is as we’re both married and so is the woman he fancies, so it’s not like anything would happen even if she did like him.

On 1 hand I feel a bit sorry for him as his ego has obviously taken a hit, but on the other hand why should he care what any woman thinks of him when he’s married to me, with 2 children I’ll add aswel.

N xx

I had this once

In that this creepy guy fancied me

All I will say

Ignore it. He is a loser. She won't rate him.

I'll bet 15 kitkats she does not fancy him back

But I would be getting rid. Of him.

I'm glad you're on a break. I hope you make it permanent. Even on a break he can't say the right thing. You deserve better, or to be single and love yourself instead.

OP my marriage isn’t perfect but if my husband ever said any of what yours is saying to you, I’d leave him. He’s making it clear that if he thought he had a chance with her, he’d take it! Not trying to upset you any further but this is not normal behaviour, please don’t accept it.

How are you doing now, @NancyLou89?

I see that they’ve had quite a few 1 to 1 chats, enough for him to develop this fascination. He has previously been with many women, clearly believes he’s God’s Gift, and appears to have interpreted their friendly (or perhaps flirty) banter as mutual interest. He must have lapped up those ego cookies, so now feels rejected and dejected, which is rich considering he has heretofore made you, his Wife, feel ‘less than’ via his repeated gushing about her.

It’s good that you sent him away to lick his wounds elsewhere. You need space and time away from his toxic presence. Has he seen the children since he left?

Are you his wife or matchmaker I’d hate this type of relationship

He’s seen the kids yes, but through my sister so I haven’t had to talk to him … He’s basically said it’s got nothing to do with anything she’s ever said or any conversation they’ve ever had, it’s literally all just down to her looks. He said something just clicked in his head at a certain point and hasn’t been able to not be attracted to her since. He said all his friends think he’s weird cuz he doesn’t find any else as attracted as her ( or me apparently 🙄 )

1 of his friends who I bumped into actually had the cheek to say I should just let him fuck her to get her out of his system, then he won’t fancy her anymore cuz apparently guys work like that. What the actual fuck???

Yeah let him fuck her...even though she's not interested in him remotely 🙄 and is going to be exceedingly freaked out when she hears why he's been dumped.

And no guys don't work like that. Not when they've developed unhealthy obsessions. Let alone when they are using these fixations to upset their partner.

He's a pillock, his friends are pillocks too. Maybe he can fuck them instead of your friends. Seems they're all part of a shaggers club...in their minds.

This is all so strange and insulting. I'm sorry you're going through this

This has to be a wind up.

This village you live in, is it called Twilight zone? Everyone in it sounds bizarre the way they tell each other every little thing. I don’t like the friend telling you to let him sleep with her, incredibly disrespectful.

are you from the area OP? It all seems very normal for you the way you tell it. It’s really not.

would you consider getting some counselling for yourself to help see things clearly?

I'm calling shenanigans on this thread. It's clearly a wind up.

I wish it was

Well if it is real, what are you waiting for? What are you hoping to hear - that this behaviour's all perfectly normal? Because it isn't. Do you want to catch them in the act? They must be laughing their socks (clothes) off at you.

Do something - find some pride.

Wow. He and his disgusting, misogynistic, primitive friends are clearly birds of a feather.

Your H says it’s normal for men to repeatedly crow to their humiliated wives about their side attraction, as well as admitting to feeling gutted when said infatuation is not reciprocated. He made it obvious to your friend that he fancies her, and has entertained his mates by insisting that he is only truly aroused by you two. He seems proud of it. According to his revolting friend, it’s a guy-thing to cure a side attraction by shagging. H and his puerile band of brothers clearly feel pumped up by their pathetic lust-talk and boy rules.

Having and showing respect for their wives and partners doesn’t rate for them.

Update, and wow …. So still not together. I was out for a few drinks with a close friend and 2 of her work colleagues that I didn’t know beforehand. The conversation came up about what had happened and the girl was mentioned when I was explaining everything. All of a sudden 1 of the girls came out and said ‘ Omg, did you know she has HIV and herpes’. She said she’d gone to the appointments with her years previously. Apparently she has scabs all inside her and it’s really painful to have sex, and she hasn’t for years. They flair up and down but generally they’re mostly bad. I’m presuming she’d be on tablets to control the HIV, if it is true. I don’t see why she’d have any reason to lie though.
Anyway, they seem to think I shouldn’t tell my husband, and if something ever does happen between them it would be karma. I feel I should tell him but I feel he wouldn’t believe me.

Well if your update is true then these women are disgusting nasty bitchy gossips. How dare they gossip about something so personal. And joking about karma regarding HIV - just vile.

Id raise your bar of who you associate with OP because your entire circle sounds grubby and toxic.

Christ, your friends are unpleasant people aren't they!

On the minor off chance that any of this is true, how you live is so far removed from normality.

Husband's opening declaration love for their spouses' friends. People breaching confidence about medical conditions.

You seem to be caught up in a very immature, toxic environment.

You really need to consider a better quality of man and friends.

What thoroughly nasty gossipy people - and you’re really suggesting passing this information on? You seem to be revelling in all the salacious detail whether it’s true or not.

Thankfully as someone living with HIV I have great friends, including one who went with me to the clinic when I was diagnosed. She would not dream of sharing this with others without my permission.

You’re flogging a dead horse here OP. None of this is remotely believable at this point.

This poor woman has done nothing to encourage your husband and now she’s having her sensitive medical condition gossiped about. Awful .

You and your husband sound equally terrible, stay together to keep other people safe from either of you. And your friends sound terrible too.

i can promise you every single thing I’ve said is true.

Then find new friends as your current ones are vile bitches

This is ridiculous now, clearly a made up story. If it’s not then you, your friends and your boyfriend all need serious help.

Yep. I actually hope it’s made up because the alternative that people this repulsive exist is far worse