Gutted friend doesn’t fancy him

[NancyLou89]

Hi, it’s my 1st time posting here, I was just wondering if I could get some opinions please.

So basically, my husband has had a crush on a woman we both know for years. I know it, all
his friends know it, she knows it, even her husband knows it to some degree.
Recently I was having a chat with her and she told me she fancied 1 of my husbands close friends. I pushed her to answer what she thought of my husband, and she said she didn’t fancy him whatsoever, he wasn’t her type etc.
I basically thought this was hilarious, I couldn’t wait to go home and tell him after all the years of little comments about her looks, trying to wind me up etc.

So I told him and he looked absolutely devastated. He kept asking me to repeat exactly what she said. He said he was gutted but I wouldn’t understand as it’s a ‘guy thing’. This was over a week ago and ever since he’s been really quiet and not himself, almost like he’s sulking. I don’t get what the problem is as we’re both married and so is the woman he fancies, so it’s not like anything would happen even if she did like him.

On 1 hand I feel a bit sorry for him as his ego has obviously taken a hit, but on the other hand why should he care what any woman thinks of him when he’s married to me, with 2 children I’ll add aswel.

N xx

Maybe she thinks he’s a bit of a creep given he’s made his feelings so obvious. The fact that he is upset is just weird and the fact you’ve been ok with all of this is just weird.
we have a group of couple friends and we’d never EVER ask each other if we fancied any of the other Hisbands! That’s a line you just don’t cross ❌

I’m kind of surprised that you assume nothing would happen because they’re married? If my OH was smitten with another woman I would assume an affair was within the realms of possibility.

Your partner is a bellend. 1 for making it so obvious he has a crush to everyone, and most importantly to you, 2 for letting his disappointment about her having no interest impact his mood at home to the extent it’ll be impacting you and his children. What an overgrown and selfish man baby you have.

I cant believe anyone would stay with a man who openly fancied their friend. Get some self respect ffs. From his reaction it sounds like it's more than just a crush as well.

We both know she’s not happy in her marriage due to us living in a small town and everyone knowing everyone’s personal life. Her telling a friend, telling their friend .. etc etc. He’s made a few comments recently since he’s known this which I thought was weird. She has 2 kids too and he’s always said he’d never get with another woman with kids if we ever split up, but now I don’t know.

Do you have those conversations? I find that a bit weird tbh .

Well she's hardly going to tell you she fancies your husband, is she.

As for your husband - no one likes to be told they are unattractive. Especially by someone they have a crush on.

You're all batshit.

So your husband hasn't told you he fancies your friend?

So from his perspective youve come home and said "My friend thinks you're an ugly fucker!" and found it hilarious.

Yeah, he probably does feel bad about the dent in his ego, but he's probably much more upset that his wife would go out of her way to hurt him deliberately, and find it funny.

Really weird behaviour.

You need to move out of the small town, it’s not doing you any good to be so involved in each others relationships

Absolutely this!

This is next level immaturity.

Everything about this is wrong.

And your marriage is on its knees if he’s openly grieving the loss of his potential fancy woman. I mean jeez!

This is completely mad! You all sound like teenagers.How are you OK with hubby liking another woman? I think to move or at least remove yourself from this situation .Its not healthy or normal

Your marriage is doomed.

He’s told me she’s attractive on many occasions and has make comments if he’s seen her out and about in the past.

This is weird even by MN standards.

Do you work as a doormat professionally?

I’m really not ok with it. We’re not close friends, but regardless I don’t like it.

This is.... Weird.

Why are you with a man who wants another woman so blatantly that everyone knows and you're mocking him for it?

It's weird OP

Have you read him the riot act? Asked him what he thinks he’s achieving by repeatedly talking about this woman and making comments about her, and by walking about like a broken hearted teen now he knows he doesn’t have a chance?

The whole thing is bizarre, toxic and weird.

To be honest, it sounds like you're all have the maturity of 14 year olds who never grew up and are isolated in your insular small town clique, where the next door village is as exotic and foreign as the Amazon rainforest is to most other people.

OP - Are you genuinely happy in your marriage?

I wouldn't have thought she'd tell you the truth, why would she? You might kick off. I'd still be wary

I’ve obviously had discussions with him in the past telling him I’m not happy with it, and he just said everyone finds other people attractive outside their relationship, it’s ‘normal’. Which is true, but I don’t need to be reminded of it a couple of times every month or so.

Nothing you can do about it? It's the 2020s, not the 1820s! You're not stuck with this man come what may!

What a ridiculous bizarre post! I'd be concerned if my husband/partner reacted this way over this.

If this was me I would be done.
But up to you.
Never easy but this is very hurtful to you.
Why is he with you if so upset about this ow not fancying him.
Be wary of her too.

OP, I get it. And well done on sticking it to your husband. Who the hell does he think he is. Are you generally happy in your marriage?

Others on this need to get a grip and stop being so nasty. This is the relationship board - not AIBU. I’m ashamed women can be so nasty.