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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Gutted friend doesn’t fancy him

239 replies

NancyLou89 · 14/01/2024 09:43

Hi, it’s my 1st time posting here, I was just wondering if I could get some opinions please.

So basically, my husband has had a crush on a woman we both know for years. I know it, all
his friends know it, she knows it, even her husband knows it to some degree.
Recently I was having a chat with her and she told me she fancied 1 of my husbands close friends. I pushed her to answer what she thought of my husband, and she said she didn’t fancy him whatsoever, he wasn’t her type etc.
I basically thought this was hilarious, I couldn’t wait to go home and tell him after all the years of little comments about her looks, trying to wind me up etc.

So I told him and he looked absolutely devastated. He kept asking me to repeat exactly what she said. He said he was gutted but I wouldn’t understand as it’s a ‘guy thing’. This was over a week ago and ever since he’s been really quiet and not himself, almost like he’s sulking. I don’t get what the problem is as we’re both married and so is the woman he fancies, so it’s not like anything would happen even if she did like him.

On 1 hand I feel a bit sorry for him as his ego has obviously taken a hit, but on the other hand why should he care what any woman thinks of him when he’s married to me, with 2 children I’ll add aswel.

N xx

OP posts:
NancyLou89 · 28/01/2024 13:51

As previously said, none of this is made up I can assure you.

OP posts:
DriftingDora · 28/01/2024 14:13

Bumcake · 28/01/2024 12:25

You’re flogging a dead horse here OP. None of this is remotely believable at this point.

My thoughts exactly. However, if this is true, the OP's friends are a really classy, charming(?) bunch of people and want to watch what they're saying about others. Is the 'story' about the other woman even true, or just gossip? Hmm, I wonder....

SamW98 · 28/01/2024 14:16

NancyLou89 · 28/01/2024 13:51

As previously said, none of this is made up I can assure you.

Well as several have said then your friends are the most disgusting people out there. Maybe look at why you’re choosing to associate with such scum bags. Laughing about someone with a potentially life threatening condition is beyond vile

DriftingDora · 28/01/2024 14:19

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 28/01/2024 11:31

On the minor off chance that any of this is true, how you live is so far removed from normality.

Husband's opening declaration love for their spouses' friends. People breaching confidence about medical conditions.

You seem to be caught up in a very immature, toxic environment.

You really need to consider a better quality of man and friends.

On the minor off chance that any of this is true, how you live is so far removed from normality.

It's the Twilight Zone (or Royston Vasey...) 😏

Silverfoxette · 28/01/2024 14:41

I think you need to move far away from there.

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 28/01/2024 18:00

Bloody hell. You need to raise your standards and make friends with people who have a modicum of decency and who aren’t gossipy, backstabbing low lives, OP.

MassiveOvaryaction · 28/01/2024 18:32

You really need new friends @NancyLou89!

Cut your losses, move somewhere new and start again.

nikki1391 · 29/01/2024 08:36

This is very strange. I’d have a conversation with him and say how you feel

For a husband this is not normal behaviour , I wouldnt be happy at all with his reaction

boobot1 · 31/01/2024 13:23

I don't think you live in the same world as me OP! It's bizarre from start to finish.

NancyLou89 · 05/02/2024 11:15

Last update. It is officially over now. The last thing he said to me; ‘ Can’t we still be together knowing I’ll always have a thing for her’.

OP posts:
Sceptical123 · 05/02/2024 11:42

I think your OH’s biggest mistake was telling you (and everyone else about this OP) Plenty of ppl have crushes on others while in relationships but they just keep it to themselves. After tolerating this for a long time you’ve suddenly decided it’s enough, which is understandable. He should have tried making amends by promising never to mention her again and ‘getting over her’ even if he thought he possibly couldn’t - at least it wouldn’t be waving it in your face all the time and you could move past it. It sounds like an obsession now and one he isn’t likely to shut up about. Maybe he’ll reconsider his actions now you’ve dumped him. He may even learn from it.

NancyLou89 · 05/02/2024 11:55

I’ve never known an obsession to go on for so long. Will it ever stop? Will it change if he’s with someone else? Not my problem anymore.

OP posts:
Sceptical123 · 05/02/2024 11:57

Good for you OP. I’m sure he will be regretting it every day from now on.

Good luck meeting someone who treats you as you deserve to be treated x

OssieShowman · 05/02/2024 12:32

I don’t think she was telling the truth. Probably had her head turned by his obvious crush. Didn’t want you to become jealous.

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