Aibu...Hotel night...

[milkonesugar35]

Xmas 2022 we were given a voucher for a hotel. This was given to us when at the time we had a 10 month old. Said voucher lasts until Xmas 2024 and said baby is now 23 months. I've never had a night away from him and have no intention of doing so for the foreseeable so if we use the voucher, ds comes too as far as my wishes are concerned.

For context, my parents are very hands on as they have ds 2 days a week whilst I work. They've not had him overnight and I'm not going to ask. No one else has ever looked after ds.

I've suggested we have a day trip where I would therefore feel comfortable going just the two of us. It's a monetary voucher so could be used for a meal there / use of the spa etc. Dh says he wants to stay. The nearest of the chain to us is approx a 75min drive.

Aibu? Other option is for dh to go with a mate I guess!

But don’t you get that he wants a night away WITH YOU, not just a night away…. You might end up pregnant again in the next year and not want to leave baby no 2 for a few years. You might not get any alone times for years.

He will be almost three by the time the voucher expires. You say he’s comfortable with your parents so what is the issue? He’s going to be asleep and unaware of how long you’re gone. It sounds like you’re the one with the issue about being apart which maybe you should address.
This is why marriages breakdown because people forget that they were just a couple in a relationship before a child comes along.
leave your child for one night and spend some quality time with your husband.

@SKG231 if people’s marriages are breaking down over not getting a night away alone then i think there must have been bigger issues to begin with! Surely that’s not a thing?!
Is it really “quality time” if OP spends the whole stay feeling anxious and constantly worrying, or potentially checking her phone etc? Why do the husbands needs trump hers?

This is what I think too. My DS is about the same age as yours OP, and I miss him loads when I’m away from him, but it’s also so lovely, refreshing and important to have a night away and just focus on each other. And my DS has always been absolutely fine when we’ve left him with grandparents overnight. We’re actually doing it next weekend for a spa night.

I obviously didn’t mean breaking down because they don’t get one night away. I mean people changing their whole personality to just being a parent once they have a child and forgetting they were once an individual person in a relationship. Relationships take effort and work and many people put all their focus on to the child and that’s why things end.

100% agree with this. Its one night. I doubt very much your DH wants to go with a mate! If you care about your child that much then work on keeping his parents together for the sake of one night out of 3 years fgs.

I read things on here that I think oh it doesn't really surprise me when this person's marriage fails as they have completed neglected their relationship in favour of their DC. When the best thing for the DC would be having happy parents that dont end up divorcing. Balance is key.

A night in a hotel as a couple is wonderful - the perfect time to relax, reconnect and get a little extra sleep.

A night in a hotel with kids is just an expensive, shitter version of being at home.

is your conflict that he wants to go away and have sex, but you don’t want to have sex perhaps? It comes across like you’re hiding behind not wanting to leave your son alone

I was going to say similar but have a trial night where you leave him at grandparents overnight . Then when you realise he'll be fine you'll enjoy the night away. He's not a baby he's a toddler now and will have a lovely time with his grandparents who he knows well. Just think you trust them to have him when he's awake, much easier when he's asleep and they are the same.

But it doesn't run out for almost a year so surely by 2 and 9 months he'll be so much more advanced and he could practice maybe once before after 2 yrs 6 months with you sleeping over too then without you but you at home so when it comes all are happy?

Any idea how old he needs to be before you're comfortable leaving him?

Yes it is.

i wonder whether is not leaving your DS that’s the problem, its going away alone with your DH

@SKG231 Oh I get that - they absolutely take effort. But IMO, people do change when they have children 🤷🏻‍♀️ and it’s important to find your new normal as a couple. In our 3.5 years of being parents, DH and I have only had time alone together for a few hours to attend a funeral 🤷🏻‍♀️
I know my DH would quite comfortably leave our DC for a night, but I wouldn’t and he respects that I just don’t feel ok with that just now. I wouldn’t enjoy it, I’d be anxious about leaving DC overnight so why put myself through it?

Then bring the baby and stop beating yourself up over it.

You can all go in the pool if there is one, and DH can mind him while you get a massage then bring toddler to an early dinner.

Then watch the telly in the dark with wine and get the full English next morning.

It fucking is what it is. A nice change of scenery.

Bring something to hang over kids cot to darken it as so you can watch TV.

The dad is the one that wants a break away without the child.
Maybe he's the one that should go get a massage whilst she minds the child she insists on taking?

Minds the child she insists on taking?

its not some random kid, its their child.

A night away with a child is completely different to a night away with your Partner. I don't think it's a compromise, you must see that?

Your husband is making it pretty obvious that he would love to spend a day/night alone with you and enjoy time together. It doesn't make you bad parents for wanting a night off or little break from your child/ren from time to time

I simply disagree with you, kids go to sleep. And at no point, and I’ve double checked as she said her husband doesn’t wish her child there.

Oh come on, it's not the same at all.

Her son will probably go bed around , 7 or 8 so what then, just stay in the hotel room all night? They can do that at home everynight. Instead they could have a nice meal, a few drinks, adult conversation.

It sounds like she has a separation anxiety issue or she doesn't want a night alone with her husband. I don't think it is healthy to never have time alone with your partner, and several people have pointed that out

Hardly the same though, is it? Leave DS for one night (which will be good for him) and focus on your DH for a change!

I don't think it is healthy to never have time alone with your partner, and several people have pointed that out

This 100%. To be honest it’s not a view I have seen in real life, only on MN.

I dont know any parents in my family and friend group who don't have at least a few child free nights away each year.

And this includes friends who live away from family but they come to them, or go to where the family live, and allow the parents go to weddings or have a night away every few months

Each to their own I guess but being a couple is just as important as being a parent imo and both roles need to be focused on

Can you sell the voucher? This is clearly not going to work

My ds had the best grandparents and from age 4 he would have regular sleepovers, maybe every six weeks because he adored staying with them and vice versa. We had a night away for our wedding anniversary when ds was 7. I had friends who had left their babies from a very young age for full weekends but I just didn't want to do that. The difference here is that my ds stayed with both sets of GPS and they all loved it. Think about whether your parents would enjoy having your son overnight. It's ultima up to you but if we'd had a voucher to use when ds was nearly three, I think we would have used it. Xx

Honestly, once you get there you will relax and enjoy yourself!
Your child is 2, give yourself some well deserved time off!
Due to work my dd stayed at grandparents from being 1 year old. My dd and parents both loved it! She's 13 now, has a great relationship and books herself in for an overnight stay whenever she feels like it.

OP I haven’t even left my 2 year old longer than 6 hours so I certainly wouldn’t leave him overnight yet

DH and I often go away and take ds with us. Romantic nights away as a couple are not my priority now I’ve got a toddler - thankfully he understands this and doesn’t question it. He’s happy for our son to come along

stick to your guns. Not wanting to be away from your 2 year old is NORMAL don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.