Aibu...Hotel night...

[milkonesugar35]

Xmas 2022 we were given a voucher for a hotel. This was given to us when at the time we had a 10 month old. Said voucher lasts until Xmas 2024 and said baby is now 23 months. I've never had a night away from him and have no intention of doing so for the foreseeable so if we use the voucher, ds comes too as far as my wishes are concerned.

For context, my parents are very hands on as they have ds 2 days a week whilst I work. They've not had him overnight and I'm not going to ask. No one else has ever looked after ds.

I've suggested we have a day trip where I would therefore feel comfortable going just the two of us. It's a monetary voucher so could be used for a meal there / use of the spa etc. Dh says he wants to stay. The nearest of the chain to us is approx a 75min drive.

Aibu? Other option is for dh to go with a mate I guess!

Tell him to take someone else

Ok thanks for the replies; seems I'm well within the minority.

Yes, it is still unreasonable. You will then just do the same things you are doing at home, go to ged ridiculously early but you will all be in one room rather than a whole home. If he just wanted a change of scenery he would suggest a day trip, he wants a day and evening with his wife, minus a toddler.

You're not really listening OP. If it were me, I would be seeing it as an opportunity to go to a nice restaurant, have a few drinks, watch some tele, go for a lovely winter walk, get back to the hotel, have sex more than once, wake up after a long lie in and have morning sex, go out for breakfast or get room service, have a walk around wherever I was, and head home feeling rejuvenated. Taking a nearly 3yo changes that entirely. He's not unreasonable to want what I've outlined above. In fact I think it is necessary every once in a while.

I would just say make sure you are investing in the rock, i.e. your marriage. It’s so important to have time as a couple as well as parents.

Your child is nearly 2, he is comfortable with grandparents and you say that they'd be great with him overnight, the issue is all yours by the sounds of it and you have the ability to overcome this issue but sound too stubborn to make the effort.

Relationships require time and effort to maintain, you should consider investing that time in your relationship with your DH, go away, have a nice dinner, drink some wine, have some sex and romance. There's nothing endearing or attractive about being so clingy to your child you can't make time for your partner. I wouldn't be please if I was your DH.

Don't know why you're worrying about this at this stage anyway when you have 11 months left on the voucher.

Yes because your husband has the right to want a night away just the two of you. Why is it only your choice what happens or doesn’t happen?

By the time DS has gone to bed at the grandparents, he'll wake up and you'll see him later that day! As people have said, so much changed month to month that you don't know how you'll feel. You seem almost angry at the prospect though and wanting to stick to your guns forever!

Then it’s a family holiday, not a married couple’s night away together. Very different vibe. Both valid. So for the compromise- if this time it’s the family holiday option, when will it be the couple option? Surely the posh spa hotel with vouchers towards it is perfect for the couple trip, and a family friendly hotel/caravan park/cbeebies land would be better for a family holiday.

Why don’t you do a hands off trial night in your parents where you are there but you let them look after him. Might give you peace of mind.

You can't have a nice meal and an uninterrupted conversation if you toddler is there! Not to mention a sexy night with you DH if your son is in the same room!

You do you OP. The night away is a treat for you and if you won’t enjoy it without DS then you don’t go without him. I was the same with DD1.

have you really not spent an evening alone with your husband in almost 2 years?

Surely they are alone when their child is in bed, or they are in bed?

You know what the PP means 🙄

I'm guessing they meant night, not evening

@milkonesugar35 I’m actually quite shocked by a lot of the responses on here! My DS is 3.5 and I’ve never had a night away and don’t feel any need or urge to either to be honest!
Don’t feel any pressure to do anything you’re not comfortable with.

We went away for a few trips/nights away when DS was around that age and still had a lovely time as a couple 🤷🏻‍♀️

Is there any option to pay extra and upgrade a some kind of suite? We had a really lovely family night away with DS when we had a room with a small lounge attached. We had a day out, a nice swim at the hotel, fed DS then put him to bed in the bedroom. DH and I then had a room service dinner and a few drinks 🤷🏻‍♀️

But I'm guessing your partner was fine with this too, which makes yours and OPs situations a bit different.

@WhamBamThankU I’m sure there are lots of people that haven’t 🤷🏻‍♀️

Your tone is giving judgement to parents who do leave their children with trustworthy people overnight. No OP a compromise isn't to take your child. It sounds like DH wants to spend some well earned alone time with you.

@Blomdd DH asked many times about a night away for just the 2 of us actually and I told him I just wasn’t comfortable with it 🤷🏻‍♀️ He works away and stays away from home for weeks at a time so it isn’t an issue for him. But he respected the fact that I wasn’t ready 🤷🏻‍♀️

What a horrible post. Why do people write like this? Putting her down like that, and no her tone wasn’t giving judgement, you just read it that way and attacked. I am absolutely positive she doesn’t care , she simply said she’s not ready yet. And that’s absolutely fine.

Your dh should get to choose. You’ve been given a night away, understandably he wants a night away, as your position of not leaving your two year old for a single night when you have family you trust is a bit much he should choose as it would be very reasonable of him to think a single night away wihtout his two year old is worth having.

Why should he get to choose? She’s every right not to be ready to leave her child over night. No one should force her. Think of what you’re writing.

I think you should be thinking about leaving the child. And actually doing it in a few months. Or even you know several months. Start thinking about it now.

look at this way: if someone else decided that you were now nothing but a [insert role], should not even take one night off to remember your pre [role] self when you had a huge variety of interests and your relationship with your husband was (I hope) that of a woman with her interesting lover - well that would be oppressive. It would be cruel, it would damage you, it would upset the people who love you - even if [role] was a job you really whole heartedly loved - it would be abusive and oppressive.

Don't be that person to yourself.

If you damage yourself it can be too late to come back.

if you have no choice, it's different. But you've got the childcare, you've got the voucher - jfdi