DH semi retired - finances/cycling

[User916]

DH is mid-sixties, self employed. Spends a lot of time cycling. He could work more but doesn’t want to. I am still working, likely to keep going for another 10 yrs! Have one DC at uni, mortgage etc still to pay off in next few years. We are comfortably off but will need to save and cut back a bit to ensure we pay off the mortgage in next four years and support DC. If he worked more, we could spend more - more/nicer holidays, new sofa, etc. We’ve always just spent what we earned but now we’ll need to reduce that a bit and save.

is it unreasonable to expect him to do more work? For context, he can earn in a month what takes me six months. I am working full time, he is cycling, having lunch with friends, and following his interests. He is also planning nice cycling holidays (these don’t interest me). We probably share equally household chores, but he has a lot more spare time. We argue over who walks the dog as I am working, he is cycling.

i don’t know if it is the cycling or the fact that I can see we need to save more on our current level of income that is more annoying - am I being selfish?

No . You are not being unreasonable

You need to sit down and have a chat about shared household finances and your shared joint financial goals ready to set you up for retirement

He's acting in a very individualistic way !

Does he get state pension yet?

if he does, then you should have planned years ago for him to have reduced or even stopped his working when state pension kicked in. Even if he semi retired one year or 18 months early on when his state pension kicks in , that’s really not unreasonable if he is on a high wage.

And how old are you? Are you younger? In which case this was ALWAYS going to happen and again you should have planned for this

And how come you’re still paying off mortgage with him in mid 60s? Who decided that when you knew retirement would restrict household income…not like that’s a surprise

need more info..but strikes me one or both of you have been a tadge financially irresponsible or naive

He’s deferred his state pension for tax purposes. I guess you’re saying it’s not unreasonable for him to retire - but at the margin, if he did work more we’d both be better off. I guess I am being a bit selfish!

I think we need to know how old you are OP, it's very relevant.

Sorry but yes you are being unreasonable. If you were struggling to pay bills and he refused to work more then that would be different.But he’s worked hard and is lucky enough to be able to reduce his hours and enjoy life whilst he’s fit enough to do so. You financial aims are understandable but they are not necessities - lots of people want to pay the mortgage off earlier in order to finance something else but cant. Im was in a similar position when my husband semi retired and I just had to have a word with myself.

First off he walks the dog

secondly you need a serious chat, the fact he is semi retired without the mortgage paid off is a financial red flag, all of this comes after that is paid off end off. You need a clear plan of how to clear the mortgage so retirement can start

thirdly it is interesting you took the replies as saying yes you are being selfish they don’t at all

What Im saying is I understand how you feel but I’d rather have a husband happy and healthy in later life and if that means cutting down even more then I’d do it. And I’d expect the same for me too.Too many people I know have lost partners at the point of retirement .

How old are you?

I would say it’s unusual to semi retire when the mortgage isn’t paid off. How much has he dropped income by?

I'd be bloody happy that my retirement-age husband is very fit and socially engaged.

Presumably he's still bringing more into the household than you, despite his semiretirement, and it doesn't seem like there's actually going to be any issue with paying off the mortgage. Why should he work more? Because he's having more fun than you think he should be?

Unless you are much younger than him, why are you planning to carry on working for another 10 years - surely make a joint financial plan for when you can retire together. How old are you?

I agree your ages are relevant. Does DH contribute equally to the household and uni expenses?

For me a lot would depend on context.

At mid sixties he is at retirement age. What conversations have you had previously about retiring?

You mention a mortgage and then that you have DC at university - are you planning to downsize once DC has finished or do you want to keep the house?

You talk about wanting holidays/sofa etc - at his age I would be balancing this with the risk of possible ill health in the future - I know many people who have had heart attacks etc and wished they'd gone easy a bit earlier.

Also..”if he worked more we could spend more”..well that applies to everyone doesn’t it?

I’m mid-late 50s, don’t get my pension until 67. Yes we contribute equally now, but before he cut back he contributed more given the income differential. So I guess I am personally worse off now, and that’s what I’m struggling with. So he is benefiting from his retirement but I don’t have any more time or less to do. Pension commitment and age mean hard for me to make a career change now.

If he can earn in a month what it takes you 6 to earn then maybe you're the one who should look at working smarter?

Don't underestimate the benefits of making the most of early retirement whilst you can still do things, it all goes downhill pretty quickly.

I'd be annoyed too OP.

Could you see a financial planner and set some goals? That might give some structure to it.

It seems unfair that he has all this leisure time, when if he took on slightly more work, it would enable you to work less and enjoy your life more as well.

So he’s contributed more over time but now you are unhappy that you have to? Sounds a bit unfair to me !

your real issue is that you always spent they was earned rather than pay off mortgage/save for retirement/uni whatever

@WhistPie

"If he can earn in a month what it takes you 6 to earn then maybe you're the one who should look at working smarter?"

What kind of advice is this? If she's, say, a nurse and he's a surgeon she can't just suddenly 'work smarter' in her 50s and match his income.

Of course you would be working. You are younger than him. He was always going to slow down and retire first.

Are you really saying that you are annoyed that he paid in more. Now he pays equal because he wants to take it easier in his mid 60s, that doesn’t work for you and you want him to continue working until you can retire?

I don't really see how he is being unreasonable.

He's retirement age, but hasn't stopped completely, he's just pulled back so he is equal to you in terms of money coming in. He shares the chores.

As you are so much younger there will be a period of time where he is retired and you are or could be working.

If he's always earned more than you (you say a factor of 6) then he's done a lot of financial heavy lifting.

Is there a particular reason you want the mortgage paid off in the next 4 years? If you are mid fifties there is ten years until you hit retirement age.

at one level, yes, he earned more in the past, and that enabled us to have a higher standard of living. Now he’s made that trade off to get quality of life vs money, but I don’t get any benefit, the cycling commitment means he doesn’t do any more around the home!

I think the cycling is a red herring. You guys need to work out between yourselves whether you both feel financially secure enough with the choices made.

You don’t get any benefit from him earning more so you could both have a higher standard of living. For years. He can’t retire unless there’s more direct benefit to you. Otherwise he can retire when you do?

Did you always realise her would slow down and retire first?

YADNBU
At best he isn’t financially savvy at worst he’s irresponsible.

He needs to work more.
He’s not retired.
And the mortgage needs to be paid off.

You’re in this together, but he seems utterly selfish and clueless about both of your future financial stability.

No, but it's something for her to think about. He's done 10 years more work than her, he shouldn't be slogging his guts out for another 10 years just so she can have an easy ride and a new sofa. I've seen too many people, parents and PIL included, who haven't been able to make the most of their retirement due to a rapid decline in health as soon as they hit pension age. I'm a lot less able than I was even 5 years ago in my early to mid 50s!