DH semi retired - finances/cycling

[User916]

DH is mid-sixties, self employed. Spends a lot of time cycling. He could work more but doesn’t want to. I am still working, likely to keep going for another 10 yrs! Have one DC at uni, mortgage etc still to pay off in next few years. We are comfortably off but will need to save and cut back a bit to ensure we pay off the mortgage in next four years and support DC. If he worked more, we could spend more - more/nicer holidays, new sofa, etc. We’ve always just spent what we earned but now we’ll need to reduce that a bit and save.

is it unreasonable to expect him to do more work? For context, he can earn in a month what takes me six months. I am working full time, he is cycling, having lunch with friends, and following his interests. He is also planning nice cycling holidays (these don’t interest me). We probably share equally household chores, but he has a lot more spare time. We argue over who walks the dog as I am working, he is cycling.

i don’t know if it is the cycling or the fact that I can see we need to save more on our current level of income that is more annoying - am I being selfish?

^^ agree with this, he should do more homework/ dog walking etc, but you are completely unreasonable to expect him to continue working to fund your lifestyle

adult conversation needed about mortgage

so you are in your 60s, feeling the strain but not reducing because your younger dh can’t retire at the exact same time.

So you will wait until your early mid 70s to retire? While he works less than you?

But you also say you are hoping to go part time? Is your dh going part time then as well? If it has to be the same so you seem like a team. Which is what the Ops husband has done. He hasn’t retired. He has gone part time. You are planning on doing the same?

He definitely should be doing more around the house. Cooking should be shared but him doing more. But then op says it’s ’her Chores’ that she is left with. Not entirely clear on what that means so can’t judge how much he is actually doing.

Agreed. I think it's shocking to think that having been the higher earner means you are then expected to keep working behind retirement age just to pay for new sofas and fancy holidays

I can see where you're coming from op. No way should you be walking the dog if you're FT and he's PT! Plus he should be doing the cooking when you're at work.

And I do disagree that it's sensible to retire before the mortgage is paid. I'm going to be in the same position as you op but no way am I working FT and coming home and cooking the tea!

My MIL used to have the same issues with FIL and I do get why she was pissed off when he hadn't even washed up the breakfast things!

Definitely a conversation needed. How many years until the mortgage is gone.

He's not unreasonable to want to work less at his age. She should be doing this fair share (and more) around the house though.

I think you both have not planned well for this. Did you not talk about retirement as a couple?

My dh js 7 years older than me. I don't expect him to work 7 years more than me. I've been paying more into my pension and a Lisa so that when he's 67 and I'm 60, I can take my Lisa and reduce hours to part time so that we have time together. We've paid our mortgage off already thankfully.

But this man CHOSE to put himself in a situation where he is supporting a family and paying a mortgage past retirement age.

Surely, he had thought about it then?
And I hope he didn’t think ‘oh that’s ok. I’ll just leave @User916 to sort it all out’ without actually mentioning to her that was his plan.

They should be in together, work as a team and take financial decisions such a reducing income, spending money on cycling holidays etc… TOGETHER.

My DH and I are both retired (early and mid 50’s). He did try and replace work with golf but I shot this down and ignored any comments from him about him being tired as he’d been playing golf all day. I also started going out in the evenings when he was playing golf so he’d have to sort his own dinner out in the evening and I generally didn’t facilitate the golf.
Now we have a good and fair routine.
OP I think part of your problem is that you are younger than your DH. I think he needs to step up and do more jobs in the house and most of the dog walks.

he can earn in a month what takes me six months. I am working full time Yes we contribute equally now,

So... OP works FT.
He brings in the same as OP per month with 1/6th the hours.
Why didn't OP choose a more lucrative career to match or beat his earning rate?

Where's Xenia when we need her?

Get him to walk the dog more if that's a headache, especially this time of year when daylight hours for cycling are short.

He needs to pick up more of the domestic work but other than that YABU.

OP you don’t have to cook and do all the washing, just do your own washing. Regarding the cooking, I had this issue with my DH, now he cooks for himself and our adult DC if they want dinner, I do my own meals. About twice a week I’ll do a ‘big’ meal such as a roast or something I want to cook.

If he's reached state retirement age (which you implied) working pt is more than reasonable, I'm not planning on working past 60 even. My dp is retiring at 60 and that's fine, he deserves it, I will work a bit longer (younger) and that's fine too. We share household tasks anyway

This. Why do you still have a mortgage if you've been earning well for years?

I can see where you're coming from op. No way should you be walking the dog if you're FT and he's PT

In fairness, we don't even know whose dog it is / who wanted the dog.

However, the crux of this is that clearly you have been a high earning family for some time, and you haven't as a couple sat down and talked about your plans or your expectations. If someone is doing a job where they can earn 6 times someone else's salary in one month, then they are on a good whack even if OP is on minimum wage, which there is no suggestions she is. So clearly OP and her dh have been spending quite freely for years or they would have paid their mortgage off. Which is fine, if that is what you both, as a couple decided to do - spend freely and have a mortgage into your retirement years. Wouldn't be my choice, but as a couple that is the choice you've made, so therefore you know you will still have to work to pay that mortgage.

he has stepped up what he does now around house since cutting back on work but he still has loads more free time - it’s not proportionate!

I cut back my hours 2 years ago. I do slightly more housework yes but I'll be fucked if I gave up working 1 day a week to spend that day doing chores!!

I still contribute 50% to all household costs plus more on luxuries because I'm the higher earner. If DH suggested I should work full time like him so that we could have even MORE luxuries he'd be told to get knotted.

Guess what I spend most of my day off doing in summer? 🚴🏼‍♀️

Make sure he has good life insurance OP ; cycling isn’t necessarily the glorious healthy sport people assume.

I think you are being incredibly unfair here and you sound resentful and jealous of him pursuing his hobbies and going out for lunches.
He has worked all his live in a good job and now is retirement age and perfectly entitled to cut back and enjoy life while he is able . At your age he was working full time and you can absolutely do what he does in ten years when you are the age he is now. ..