DH semi retired - finances/cycling

[User916]

DH is mid-sixties, self employed. Spends a lot of time cycling. He could work more but doesn’t want to. I am still working, likely to keep going for another 10 yrs! Have one DC at uni, mortgage etc still to pay off in next few years. We are comfortably off but will need to save and cut back a bit to ensure we pay off the mortgage in next four years and support DC. If he worked more, we could spend more - more/nicer holidays, new sofa, etc. We’ve always just spent what we earned but now we’ll need to reduce that a bit and save.

is it unreasonable to expect him to do more work? For context, he can earn in a month what takes me six months. I am working full time, he is cycling, having lunch with friends, and following his interests. He is also planning nice cycling holidays (these don’t interest me). We probably share equally household chores, but he has a lot more spare time. We argue over who walks the dog as I am working, he is cycling.

i don’t know if it is the cycling or the fact that I can see we need to save more on our current level of income that is more annoying - am I being selfish?

You are married, so there is no 'personal' money, it's joint. So you are 'jointly' less well off maybe. Have you talked to him about mortgage and uni funding plans?
You do make it sound more about the nice hols though. I think you might deserve to take yourself off on one with your friends seeing as he goes away. If your current account is low, he should stump up out of your joint savings, I'm sure there must be some.

Was there a trade off in the past that you did more at home to enable his career.

either way you need to talk to him about how you are feeling, the fact he gets all the benefits and doesn’t even walk the dog

becuase I assume financially working and getting the equity out of the house would be better for you separated and your relationship won’t survive your bitterness

My job is harder than his with more responsibility, but it’s in the public sector. We are at a high enough level of income that the additional money does buy nicer things not essentials. So I don’t have an ‘easy ride’ my job is pretty stressful at times.

How much is he still contributing to bills & mortgage?

Seems unusual to me to retire before mortgage paid off.

I'd happily downsize for my husband to work less tbh.

This does come across a tiny bit like the younger child complaining that the older one gets to stay up later - when he was your age he was presumably working just as much as you, and when you're his age you'll be hoping to have scaled back I assume.

Wanting him to spend more of his free time on home tasks to free up some of your time is fair, but I don't think it's reasonable to expect him to do more paid work.

I worked part time when kids were young - one reason I stayed in public sector. But I then did more around the house - he has stepped up what he does now around house since cutting back on work but he still has loads more free time - it’s not proportionate!

Your ages aren’t proportionate either.

This is interesting because dh and I are talking about retirement. Dh loves his cycling so I’m encouraging him to semi retire while he’s fit enough. I worked part time when the kids were young so I’ve no quibble about him retiring before me. But what may be different for us is we’ve discussed it and are planning the finances now

As long as we’ve been together we’ve both been working, and contributing, apart from maternity leave. So it’s not quite like that. But yes I’ll retire at some stage!

Sounds like he is quite a bit older than you? In which case, the fitter he keeps himself now, the less likely you'll be his nurse & it staves off the arse wiping stage of life. So probably a net benefit.
If he is contributing 50:50 still, and in the past was contributing more, it's difficult to complain really. But 50:50 should include everything - he should be 50:50 on housework as well as cash contribution. If he is doing less than 50% of the housework, he should really step up, and that way you'd get a (deserved) bit of extra free time.

I'd agree that he should take on walking the dog but as a PP said, you're sounding more and more like the younger child moaning about bedtime. Seriously, be grateful that he's still able to go out on his cycle! He could still be able to in 10 years, or he could have, like all my parents and PIL, died in their early 70s

At the very least I would expect him to do a lot more of the housework. Probably 75%.

This
He has just stepped down without any financial planning.
Very odd - what's the " tax purposes" he hasn't taken his pension?
Lump sum would pay off the mortgage

At mid sixties, of course he wants to be semi retired. It’s great he’s keeping active and has time for hobbies. You should both have been saving over the years for this time of life though, rather than spending all you earned.

I wouldn’t go back to full time work if I was him. Just make sure you can semi retire in your mid sixties too.

He is nearly ten years older so has worked a good few years more than you already

Of course he wants to slow down/ you are at different life stages

Conversation might be a good way forward , conversation that ideally should have happened years ago about how you see your older years - what you want to do and how you plan to find it - nothing you can do about that now but others might take notice

If you've both earned well, why do you have a mortgage when he's in his mid 60s?

If you've always been public sector and are mid to late 50s, you can semi retire yourself at 60.

He's paying 50:50, and you have enough to live comfortably, just cut down on some luxuries. At mid 60s I think that's very reasonable for him. You seem more concerned with you than him, but seem to want to brand him selfish

Im your dhs age, my dh is younger - your sort of age. And yes I am cutting back my hours as I have less energy than when I ws younger, and aware that I want to spend time seeing people/doing things I have neglected in the past, before its too late.

DH is the high earner here. Nonetheless I do ask him if he is ok with me contributing less. More to the point though, I want my dh to ease back as he is permanently stressed and tired and I often feel I have more energy than him.

People, but perhaps particularly men - don't last very well if they don't look after themselves. So please don't wear him out for the sake of a (last) few holidays.

(If he is spending more on his cyling trips than you have for your holidays though, that's not on imo)

Are you enjoying work yourself? Would you like to ease back too? Are the mortgage and kids situations a strain now? Should you think of downsizing to get rid of the debt?

But all of this should be discussed and agreed between you. That's the problem surely! These changes impact you both so should not be decided unilaterally. If you haven't discussed it, that's somewhat entitled of him.

And: he should DEFINITELY be doing more of the day to day around the house before he toddles off on his bike.

He’s mid 60s, earns well & has contributed more in the past but you want him to work more because you still are?

This is quite difficult because from his pov - he's retirement age, has worked his whole life and sorted himself with a great per hour income, is keeping fit which is super important at this stage, is still contributing 50% financially, and is contributing 50% housework.
I think your only argument is if you can say that his income and yours and the differences are due to the fact that you did the childcare when your child was younger, and that compromised your earning potential. Did it? We don't know. If it did, then he should be contributing more than 50% to the family pot.

But - 5 times more than you, you have a good hard public sector job, he must be on a prorata of about £200k. What decisions have you made that have led you to your mortgage not being paid off yet?

The best retirement years are from 60 to 70, health and energy wise and after 70 health can be a little unpredictable. Why are you still working?, I would give up work and downsize so you are mortgage free and enjoy you're retirement.

With very high earnings why still a mortgage? maybe downsize so you can reduce your hours too?

Hang on. Even if you take the year op might have worked part time due to young kids. He has still paid massively more into the pot.

Are you really suggesting he need to forever pay in more because op spent some years doing PT? Which also benefitted her?

So he must be 66+ to be entitled to state pension.

In principle I’m not sure why he should carry on working past retirement just because you are younger. I doubt that once you hit mid 60s you would want to carry on work.

However, you have both reached this stage without having the mortgage paid off. What was the plan? Were you both complicit in ‘spending what you earned’ rather than overpaying the mortgage and planning for a retirement that you could both enjoy together, at the same time more or less?

Has he got a good private pension or are you both relying on your public sector pension ?

He definitely should walk the dog!

It seems that this situation sort of evolved without much discussion, as is easily done. It is mad that in a quick burst of work he could possibly contribute a chunk to get the mortgage paid off earlier and both of you be happier.

He isn’t invincible: tell him that when you retire exhausted and worn to the bone you will be living a life of Riley, not turning carer to him with his knackered 76 yo cycling knees!