DH semi retired - finances/cycling

[User916]

DH is mid-sixties, self employed. Spends a lot of time cycling. He could work more but doesn’t want to. I am still working, likely to keep going for another 10 yrs! Have one DC at uni, mortgage etc still to pay off in next few years. We are comfortably off but will need to save and cut back a bit to ensure we pay off the mortgage in next four years and support DC. If he worked more, we could spend more - more/nicer holidays, new sofa, etc. We’ve always just spent what we earned but now we’ll need to reduce that a bit and save.

is it unreasonable to expect him to do more work? For context, he can earn in a month what takes me six months. I am working full time, he is cycling, having lunch with friends, and following his interests. He is also planning nice cycling holidays (these don’t interest me). We probably share equally household chores, but he has a lot more spare time. We argue over who walks the dog as I am working, he is cycling.

i don’t know if it is the cycling or the fact that I can see we need to save more on our current level of income that is more annoying - am I being selfish?

It's not odd to have a mortgage if there's only 4 years to go, op and dh are each bringing in c50k, op's main gripe is that they could have more holidays and new sofas if he'd work more.

This is not a couple on the breadline.

Firery response? Give over.

So you believe he should work past retirement age, to pay back that she work part time? Despite the fact that he has always paid more?

It which case, when is she paying him back for her working part time? Or giving them a higher standard of living. Or paying a lever protional of the bills for years.

That’s the point. All this ‘well he owes you for X’ ends in ‘well then she owes him For Y’.

It’s like when sahp feel under appreciated. And people say ‘start charging him for nanny fees, cleaner fees, personal chef fees’ the obvious answer to that is ‘ok so he will charge her half the mortgage, half the bills, half the holidays, petrol, days out etc’

How is it solving anything? And if they both made that choice together, for her to work part time, why does he need to ‘pay her back’?

You're going off on somewhat of an irrelevant personal bitterness tangent @Wheresthefibre at this stage of this particular thread.

Agree the fact he has deferred his pension would make me suspicious that he's planning to exit once the mortgage is paid off...

It's very odd
We paid ours off way before retirement.
If this man was earning 200K then why wasn't the mortgage a priority?
Also Op says they need a new sofa, bloody he'll I would be very suss as to what he's up to .

Lol if I was in my mid sixties and close to retirement i would not give one toss about working more so I can buy a new sofa. Fuck that there is more to life than material things like enjoying life especially when you know your health can detoriate fast as you get older.

And deferring his pension to save tax is a sensible thing to do. He is still working and bringing in same income as op and that is taxed, taking a pension now will mean that js taxed at a higher rate. Why would you do that pay more tax unnecessarily.

Should of prioritised paying off the mortgage a long time ago.

And he hasn't retired he is still working and brining money in. More and more people will be paying off their mortgages well into their 60s. Its not ideal but it is what is sometimes and some people won't have a choice

Given he is a high earner the above is pretty irrelevant though
No one is saying he has to slave away, but a high earner, mortgage not even paid off?
Strange choice tbh

Nice bit of misogyny there

Why bitter?

I am nowhere near retirement age.

If he's a big earner surely he has a private pension, a lump sum from that would pay off the mortgage with no tax implications. I'm not so sure this is about money, more the Op's not happy about another 10 years at work whilst he's semi retired, a touch of sour grapes.

Totally agree with this post.

YABVU OP.

You say you’ve got 10 years to work which would take you to his age. Yet you expect him to work over that age.

Your resentment towards him seems really disproportionate to what is happening. Unfair.

Agree with pps on health etc. I think your DH has the right idea, why not sit and go over the numbers together? Can you reduce hours too?

You may be pivoting towards a more manageable home anyway, so why not write off the mortgage plan and look to release the equity and downsize?

Find a lifestyle that gives you both time to follow your interests and take care of health.

If youre working fulltime in a stressful job, you probably are craving nice holidays, a new sofa, and "creature comforts" and "something to show for it".

(I upped my work stress levels a few years ago and it's temporary but I find myself less patient with things like "cooking from scratch" and I buy more things on impulse!)

Whereas once that stress goes and you have time I expect you'll need those less as you'll be sleeping and relaxing more at home.

Ring fence some cash for DC house deposit then leave them to it.

All around me I'm seeing older people with high maintenance lifestyles which aren't ideal for them and their families.

(insisting on staying in rambling old country houses which are too big for them and too far for their DC to help out, or leaving a big inheritance which tbh their descendants don't really need!

Whilst everyone is just worried sick and wishes they'd moved to a modern minimal ground floor in a convenient city years ago when they were strong enough!)

If he is over 66, it’s reasonable to stop working. However, he should do more of the housework and dog walking, actually most of it. Cycling is great but a balance of activities is good and you also need more support.

He must be 66 if he is getting state pension. I think the mid/late 60d cause a lot of men (and women!) to have a ‘what the hell’ moment. He may have seen his father die in his 70s; he may feel he only has 5-10 good years left. His obsessive cycling does seem to demonstrate a fear of aging and a desire to stay healthy. So for all those reasons, and the fact that he is still working albeit part time, I think you’re being really unreasonable. Surely you want the best for him?

You child is at Uni. Soon they will be self sufficient and you shouldn’t be funding them. So that’s off your shoulders.

I wouldn’t defer state pension to get more as who knows how long he will live. That’s an immediate 10k pa boost ( I realise there are tax issues to discuss with an accountant).

Then I’d look at the mortgage - you say 4 years? Plan to retire yourself then. You can take your NHS pension. And look at restructuring your finances - can you downsize? He’ll be 70 then - that age gap is never getting any smaller.

But I would address the dog/housework on a more formal basis. Which walks is he doing and he has to arrange his schedule around that. When we retired my husband who already did garden and DIY took on dinner 3x a week, bathrooms and the stairs which I hate. He already did his own washing and ironing.

Frankly I’m amazed you haven’t done more forward planning - your ages aren’t a surprise. We financially planned around overpaying the mortgage and overpaying into our pension as soon as we could and certainly in our last ten years at work. Your story is a great warning for others in a similar situation.

If he's in his mid 60s then I think it's impressive that he's still working at all! Relax, OP - your husband has worked his whole life and more than earned some work-life balance. The two of you need to start preparing properly for retirement.

He could draw his state pension and put it straight into his personal pension to get the tax back! (Unless in a higher tax bracket).

In a private pension it would then be preserved to pass on to a beneficiary - you, OP - and be outside his estate for IHT purposes.

Not really OP says they spent everything as they earned it. She mentioned she had a higher standard of living more holidays etc. They just prioritised their spending differently at that time.

Well then. You’re being totally unreasonable. You benefited off him doing the financial heavy lifting for most of your lives, now it’s your turn. If you’re younger, of course you’ll be working longer while he retires, if you wanted to have the same amount of free time when he semi-retired then maybe you should’ve planned for this when younger in terms of your career.

My ex was a bit similar. The main problem was that his retirement hobbies (and cycling was one of many) and increased socialisation became expensive.

Ie cycling certain routes with buddies meant three night accommodation, all meals, and cost of return car hire.

In the end it meant he was spending about 2/3rd of our joint income on his life style. I’m naturally frugal, but it got beyond a joke.

I once saw a receipt for a boys lunch which he had paid, it was for booze ONLY and was for nearly £1,000 (so approx) £150/person just for booze. I hoped he got reimbursed by the other guys, but can’t be 100% sure as he likes making a grand gesture and everyone thinking he’s Mr Wonderful.

So it’s hard to say if in your situation he doesn’t have to work if he’s reached retirement age, but it may have repercussions on your joint expenditure.

Eh? It sounds like he has made plans and has prioritised his health and happiness. OP wants a higher standard of living and she can increase her income to do that. Her DH has subsidised the partnership most of the way through. Retirement usually means cutting back for most people.

Sure but most people retire after paying off the mortgage.

And, when one partner is semiretired and the other is still working FT, the retired partner must do more in the home and not say they can’t due to leisure activities. When OP worked less when the kids were small she did more in the house.

Back from walking the dog DH out cycling all day….

So yes we should have saved more, so we could have more now, but we didn’t. I also feel like I need to keep working because I want a good pension - the pension I’d get at 60 wouldn’t be enough. Hard to downsize, when likely that DC will come back home. I agree it is me being a bit resentful, but you are all a lot better natured than me - when I come home, still have to cook and do my washing, yes I do feel resentful that he’s gone cycling all day and is too tired to cook! He sees cycling as the equivalent of his ‘job’.

Tell him you’re too tired too and go to bed

Hi OP I'm a bit older than you and work in public sector. I need to get more from my Pension too and intend to carry on until 65 maybe longer, but know how you feel - I'm tired it's stressful and I do everything at home yet work also offers me that identity and income / pension. It's hard.

Of course, he has more free time, he's semi-retired. So in his head, he's hit retirement age and is now enjoying this. How would you feel if he demanded you work longer when you hit retirement age?
You're being unreasonable.

No the posters here are not better natured, some just can’t picture how they’d feel in your position, or they’re choosing to identify with your DH, or they are more subservient to their partners and expect to work FT and cook.

It’s perfectly reasonable to feel resentful when you’re working FT that your DP has not stepped up to pull more weight around the house. Cycling is not a job, it’s entirely a leisure activity and a choice.

Thats what you need to focus the discussion on otherwise the resentment will build.

If he’s tired at the end of a days cycling - he needs to figure out how to shop for meals that are easy to pull together without effort - Charlie Bigham, batch cooking etc.