DH semi retired - finances/cycling

[User916]

DH is mid-sixties, self employed. Spends a lot of time cycling. He could work more but doesn’t want to. I am still working, likely to keep going for another 10 yrs! Have one DC at uni, mortgage etc still to pay off in next few years. We are comfortably off but will need to save and cut back a bit to ensure we pay off the mortgage in next four years and support DC. If he worked more, we could spend more - more/nicer holidays, new sofa, etc. We’ve always just spent what we earned but now we’ll need to reduce that a bit and save.

is it unreasonable to expect him to do more work? For context, he can earn in a month what takes me six months. I am working full time, he is cycling, having lunch with friends, and following his interests. He is also planning nice cycling holidays (these don’t interest me). We probably share equally household chores, but he has a lot more spare time. We argue over who walks the dog as I am working, he is cycling.

i don’t know if it is the cycling or the fact that I can see we need to save more on our current level of income that is more annoying - am I being selfish?

I think the unfairness is that he should do more in the house and walk the dog. He's mid sixties so fair enough to wind back a bit but there needs to be clarity about mortgage and supporting DC at Uni - did you both agree to his Semi retirement? How old are you both exactly?
Pension age is 67 sounds like you are around 56 and he 65??

You've always just spent what you earned? Didn't you have any surplus? Haven't you saved anything for when your income inevitably goes down in retirement?

I hope your DH has a really good private pension, it would really worry me having no savings going into retirement and relying only on pensions. Your DH obviously seems to think you have enough, have you discussed your finances post retirement?

I think:
1 Paying off your mortgage quickly should be a priority
2 If you're saying you have one DC only who is at university then your job is almost done. You don't need to work until you're 70 to support an adult child.
3 Your 60s are a window when you can enjoy life with fewer responsibilities before old age strikes. You need to agree on what that means to each of you.
4 Your DH's choices, mortgage aside, seem fair enough. I wouldn't want to be working in my mid-60s for a new sofa and expensive holidays - better to enjoy each day.

If he has deferred his state pension he must be over 66 is this correct?

There was a thread yesterday
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4981956-how-i-feel-about-men-in-my-60s?page=9&reply=132160573
So many posters felt that, as women, it was their human right to work part time then retire early. Lots of talk about coffee with friends, visits to galleries and museums. Lots of talk about posters in their sixties being too tired to work anymore.
Certainly statistics show women retire earlier than men. Men are still expected by many women to work and provide financially for them even in their retirement.

Personally if I were him I wouldn’t semi retire until the mortgage is paid off. Once thats done he can relax. However it’s not unreasonable to be semi retired in mid 60s in principle, and with an older DH you always knew that was coming.

That said, now he is semi retired he absolutely does more in the house, cycling is not an excuse. Leisure does not come before chores.

I think retiring is so tricky. I feel atm , if physically able I'm going to keep going part time until I'm struggling in some way until I drop , at least until 67. Lots of advantages to carrying on.

Take a look at the statistics which show how few women are still working beyond 65.
Being in your mid late sixties and working is much harder than working in your fifties.

I'm guessing the real reason you are upset is that this wasn't discussed and mutually agreed. It's time for a proper talk.

You need to discuss how the mortgage is going to be paid off. If it's only a couple of years then maybe he will be willing to work until then. Or talk about downsizing/moving to a cheaper location to free up equity. I would be very concerned that he's semi retiring before being financially "safe".

You need to discuss financing the children through university etc. If he doesn't want to then this information should be made explicitly clear to you and the children.

You need to discuss proper division of household chores and equal free time.

You need to discuss the care and well being of the dog. It's part of your family, it deserves to be looked after properly.

He won’t get this time back and you need to plan for him stopping work altogether or would you expect him to work in his 70s? Do you want any time together?
You need to plan and spend differently and maybe look to downsize.
In your circumstances supporting a child at university shouldn’t be a major expense - they can take loans and work part time too.

Your taking the piss the he’s retirement age your not
your sulking that you still have to work and he’s isn’t

Your ok financially

IMO he should work to get your mortgage done and the kids out of uni.
Does he do everything at home? Shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing, washing up, DIY? If he isn't working and your FT then he should, bet he is more keen to work then 🤣

When has anyone ever said a woman working part time with no young kids has to do everything around the house?

I think a non working adult should (assuming no health issues) if the other adult is working FT, male or female

All of it? Everything? Household jobs need doing at weekends and evening.

The person working full time shouldn’t have to cook, clean, do their own washing. If the other person is working part time?

I would bet money you wouldn’t tell a part time working woman that all the housework should their responsibility because they work a few less hours

I think it's mad to retire without having paid off your home and amassed savings.

I was going to say YABU - at mid 60s it’s time to take life a bit easier. But then read you still have a mortgage with several years left. This does change things I think. You need to sit down together to work out how to make things a bit more equal. Just curious how you’ve ended up in this situation as surely the age gap meant that him retiring first would always happen. Did he retire suddenly? Was there a plan he’s now eschewed in favour of cycling?

he has stepped up what he does now around house since cutting back on work but he still has loads more free time - it’s not proportionate!

So he still brings the same money as you, you now say he has stepped up to do more around the house.

You are just jealous he has more free time. You don't think its fair he has more time to do things he likes cos you are working in a stressful job for the same money whilst he is earning the same money doing more around the house but has more free time too.

He is almost 10yrs older than you and in a different place to you being younger. He is more about easing things off so he can live a healthy active life wheb he much older, he probably doesn't care so much about getting a new sofa. Whereas you do.

Alot of what you say talks about how your standard of living has changed cos he isn't bringing in more money so you can have nice sofa etc.

If he was ro continue working more u til you retire he will be into his 70s.

How would you like it if your partner wanted you to work like that when your getting more tired as you get older. All becuase he wanted more luxuries like holidays and sofa

And if the mortgage was such a big deal when you were both working full time instead of those luxury and holiday u could of cut back a bit to clear it off.

I think yabu to be honest.

That's the joy of a discussion. We all have different opinions!
What jobs need to be done at the weekend or evening specifically?
I have no idea how PT the husband is? If he's self-employed, it may be minimal.

Crikey @Wheresthefibre , that's a fairly fiery response to what was a question to the op. Neither you, nor I, know till the op responds how much her working part time affected their respective salaries.

They can pay the mortgage he’s deferred his pension so there not skint

Op is a teacher right

Presumably he is 66 if he has deferred his state pension and I can only imagine he has deferred it as he is still bringing in over £50k a year income. I think you are being unreasonable if that is the case. Is there a tiny bit of envy involved?

Agree it’s odd to have a mortgage

You most definitely aren’t being selfish, he is. And lazy to boot. I couldn’t possibly let my partner work for SIX MONTHS when I could earn the same in one month, especially when there’s a mortgage to pay off. You have the patience of a bloody saint.