How I feel about men in my 60's.

[Gettingbysomehow]

I don't feel I am half a person waiting for the other half to fulfill me. i am a whole person and don't need anyone else.
I've been married and divorced three times, all of my husbands drained me and marriage never sat easy on my shoulders, and this is why.
It's only taken me 60 years to realise this.
Anyone else feel the same?

A friend of mine whose husband left her with 4 children after having an affair now says she had a lucky escape.... on reflection. She can please herself now and lives it.
On the other hand I have stuck in a long marriage with a few ups and some great children and grandchildren but far too many downs. I'm now his carer and he is more and more of a man child as time goes on. I am 8 years younger and fit and active, he feels like a burden now if I am honest. I wouldn't advise anybody who has any doubts at all about committing to a long term relationship without weighing up what the future may bring. Some are lucky and are kindred spirits and don't begrudge the caring role they find themselves in but if you value your autonomy, own space and freedom of choice think very carefully!

Did I say that? I don't think I did, you know. You sound very angry and defensive responding to a simple question.

I asked why it wasn't mentioned , or a part of any of the posts here.

EcclesCakesPlz · Today 19:50

@Gettingbysomehow What about sex?

Not bothered, or making do with DIY?

@EcclesCakesPlz being honest- majority of women on this thread are post menopause and post kids and not that bothered- a few are- bit it seems the minority which I find quite a relief- as at 62 I felt abnormal in having no interest at all

@EcclesCakesPlz you asked TWICE about sex, nothing else.. pretty obvious to presume thats your priority, and no im not defensive just irritated.

I find that quite sad.

I have friends in their 60s and 70s who still enjoy sex and don't feel differently just because they are older.

if I was looking for another man at any time I'd be very much wanting sexual attraction to be part of it.

And to the other poster, who asked, not it's not what it's all about.

Clearly it hit a nerve with her.

OMG I asked about sex twice!

God help us!

I am a sex maniac clearly. 😂

I'm only mid 40's been married 20 years but if anything happened to DH I can't imagine ever being with someone else. I'm not rich but have done OK financially, hoping to retire at 58 etc and wouldn't want to ever jeopardise my kids future inheritance by blending finances or assets with another man and their family.

Like an earlier poster, if I did find myself alone, I would fill the house with cats.....

*And to the other poster, who asked, not it's not what it's all about.

Clearly it hit a nerve with her.*

Not at all, theres more to my life then a shag.. not difficult to understand surely? and my MN name can be found above my posts.
You are rude and irritating imo.

I'm early 60s, still married after 30 something years. We generally get on well but I do find him more often annoying than I used to. He's the same age as me but in recent years there have been a few "old man" moments (to be fair, he had a health scare a few years back) and I have found them depressing.

We still have fun together but I find myself wanting more and more time away from him. I've always kept up with friends, but now even in the house, I try to do my own thing a lot.

If he died or we split up there is no way I'd re-marry and I very much doubt I'd live with someone, but I still like male company. I'd rather have someone to go out with, go on trips with, have sex etc but prefer to avoid getting into domesticity with. Ideally only see them when I felt like it. Maybe more than one would be nice......!

Agreed. Twice divorced. It didn't take a whole lot of deep self-examination to conclude that: [a] I've been quite bad at choosing partners; [b] While I appreciate the loveable men in my life, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with any of them; [c] Selfishness gets a bad rap; [d] The death of the libido's surprisingly freeing!

With regard to the first, since you're interested, I did examine my partner choices in therapy. Both husbands had misrepresented themselves as the kind of equal partner I wanted, but I missed flapping strings of red bunting because I had co-dependent tendencies. I fixed that ... and realised I didn't want another partner.

Staying single & independent was actually the sane, balanced choice 😁 Not a failure.

@EcclesCakesPlz it's not really sad though is it if you aren't bothered anymore. It's like me finding it sad if you no longer go to gigs.

Good on your friends if they are bothered- maybe part of this depends who you are with still and if the connection is still there that way

I don't feel I am half a person waiting for the other half to fulfill me. i am a whole person and don't need anyone else.

I love this thread! I'm 47, been married and one long term relationship. Happy on my own now.

Men take far more than they give. If the woman gets sick, the man leaves but they expect us to stay and nurse them. They'll trade us in at the first sign of a better offer. They're expensive to be with and cost more than they are worth financially, emotionally and physically in my experience. Women put far more thought and effort into making them happy than they ever do in return.

I agree that a mother and father set up is a good structure for bringing up children and I am very grateful to have had two loving parents who stayed happily together until their deaths. But I'm done with men now. I rather wish I was a lesbian. I think a female partner would be far more fulfilling and a lot less problematic!

@VaddaABeetch "I came out as single about 7 years ago...". ❤️🤣🤣

I love sex.
Just not the thought of it with the men on offer out there.

I'm 26 and I feel like this.

Men don't want a 'partner'. They want someone to bear them children, tidy up their mess, support their career, provide sex on demand and listen to them with an expression of awe on your face.

Absolutely how I feel. I’ve always been very sexual in relationships and tbh sex is the only thing I miss about being with a man but I’ve not found anyone in the last few years that I’m anywhere near attracted to enough to want to sleep with.

Im not someone who can have casual sex. I need that attraction and connection before I can even think about getting naked and there’s no one out there for me right now.

As someone who dated after my long marriage ended (I finished it, we grow apart, nothing in common & he bored me) and having been in a (different) relationships since I left school I was astonished at the low quality of men out there.
I was dating men my age/education/pay-bracket & they seemed to think they were doing ME a favour despite me being more attractive than them because they seemed to feel entitled to younger women.
I can't believe many men have a clue how much of a drain they are on women because the narrative has always been that women are a financial drain (as well as being demanding fun-sponges and cock-blockers of course) on men.
Since women can now inherit and have financial freedom as well as the access to education and the workplace this seems a good time in history to duck out of having to accommodate a draining man.
I'm sure there are lots of fabulous men who are great value, I'd have loved to have married one, but also I'm so independent and a bit of a non-conformist (despite appearances) that probably I was also going to be walking/dancing through life on my own. It's not always easy, but all the challenges a lot easier than facing them while being a support animal to a selfish man who thinks he's a feminist because he likes a few Taylor Swift songs...

Mid 50's and happy single and could not be arsed at all to even think about a relationship. Was on the bus today and looking at men around my age walking by and just thought yuk, many do not take care of themselves and the thoughs of sharing my bed, home and life with someone making demands on me filled me with dread. Will never live with a man ever again as content as I am. Wish was one of those women who were in a happy long term relationship which was equal with love and respect but sadly does not seem to be many men around like that anymore.

the narrative has always been that women are a financial drain (as well as being demanding fun-sponges and cock-blockers of course) on men.

Since women can now inherit and have financial freedom as well as the access to education and the workplace this seems a good time in history to duck out of having to accommodate a draining man.

Spot on, @fewgoo. It's incredible how slow the 'manosphere' is to cotton on. They could be having relaxed, enjoyable relationships with women who are their equals, great friends, great company and want to have sex with them but they're just too locked into a 70 years out of date mode that was pretty stressful for them when it did work!

I know it's all about cultural indoctrination - and there are a few threads here about how that's beginning to change - but culture is the people; they could've smartened up decades ago, instead of re-entrenching and being miserable about it.

I never thought I'd get married again but I now have someone I am completely in love with.

That said no one has ever completed me. Even at my first wedding we read The Prophet On Marriage.

I strongly believe in bringing a whole person to the table. My own friends. My own interests.

I don't think I'll date again if I outlive him, but only because I can't see any one else measuring up.

First I've heard of Khalil's On Marriage, @Josette77. It's rather lovely (though I don't understand the cup & loaf lines). Thanks!

I've been married for 23 years and if my marriage ended I would never get married again, I think i would be quite happy single.

I'm not convinced most men want "relationships", per se. I think they want sex with a rotation of younger women; plus catering and caring services, oh plus ego-boosting. It's difficult for most men that women are sentient humans.
Why would this make for a pleasant house-mate for a woman?
I do see a few exceptions to this. A few.