How I feel about men in my 60's.

[Gettingbysomehow]

I don't feel I am half a person waiting for the other half to fulfill me. i am a whole person and don't need anyone else.
I've been married and divorced three times, all of my husbands drained me and marriage never sat easy on my shoulders, and this is why.
It's only taken me 60 years to realise this.
Anyone else feel the same?

I am a bit baffled by the 'men of earlier generations couldn't lift a finger' posts, because men of my dad's generation (born 1928) and earlier had to do National Service. Whilst in the army they learned to clean, often to cook (albeit to a very basic standard of 'heating up rations), to darn and mend clothes and to keep their kit ironed and smart. My dad did all this around the house too when my brother and I were small (not everything, my mum still moaned that she did the majority, but he knew HOW to). Did none of the grandfathers/older dads do National Service?

My husband did sfa when I was non weight bearing, on crutches for 5 months and even less when very seriously ill with severe heart failure- he actually buggered off to a friend two days after I left hospital, for two weeks.
I don’t rely on him one bit when I’m ill, no point! As for emotional support…..

I'm in my 50s and have had 1 two-year relationship where I was engaged, and 1 ten-year which was mostly marriage, and which ended twelve years ago.

Both ended at my instigation.

I think I'm just suited to being by myself, and I'd not want another man in my life. I just find them really tiresome to be honest! 😂

I fell into both those relationships and have never been sufficiently bothered to pursue relationships, other than when I was young and going out at weekends and looking for someone was what you did. When I left the place I grew up I became myself, rather than part of the crowd, iykwim, so never bothered looking.

I absolutely love doing what I want when I want with no one else to have to consider and compromise with. My experience of compromise is that I did more of it.

The only downside is financial. With a partner I could have a much bigger and nicer house! But then there'd be a man in it, so I'll pass! 😆

My dad was in the armed services straight after the war (b. 1927), and did maybe six years altogether. For the 50 odd years I knew him he never lifted a finger domestically. That was women's work.

Not only that, when he did work on the house, he left the most incredible messes. Again not his work. My mother chucked him out as she'd had enough, and never looked at another man. He went on to marry twice more (one died), and both ran around after him like good little wives.

My dad was born in 1942 so after NS had been phased out
My dad was an only child and tbh was pretty much treated as his mums little prince from birth. My gran wasn’t British and for early years of his childhood didn’t speak much English so think they were each others company.

My mum fell pregnant within weeks of getting married - I was born 9 months and 18 days after the wedding - and think they fell into traditional roles very quickly.

My ex partner is totally different. He was born in 1966 and has always been very domesticated.

I think my dad just saw things that needed doing, he could do them, so he did. But my point was really that these men (as we're talking about women over 60 then I'm assuming their dads were mostly of an age to do NS) COULD have done it if they'd wanted to. They knew how, they'd been shown in the Army.

They just - didn't.

Relationships can take many forms, an occasional plus one to go to parties, someone to go to the theatre/cinema/dinner with, someone to have sex with, someone to go on holiday with, while still allowing plenty of your own freedom, the choice is yours.

That’s probably what would suit me but unfortunately haven’t had any luck in finding someone

It's like something switched off when I hit meno. I sometimes get weird non-sexual crushes on men though. But the thought of sex makes me feel a bit squeamish these days (what with all the atrophying etc)

I think there is quite a portion of over 50s of both sexes who wouldn't want the traditional moving in / marriage relationship now we are fully functional adults with our lives together.

If i met someone who was super keen to move in / get married i'd actually be a bit suspicious i think.

I agree. The last guy I briefly dated said a couple of times ‘when we move in together’ or ‘when we’re living under same roof’ He took it very personally when I said I don’t have any plans to ever cohabit again.

I can’t imagine now finishing work and having to engage in a conversation with another human in my home 🤣

However I do think with older people, living together generally suits men more than women.

If my DP disappeared tomorrow it would make no difference on a practical level to my life as he does virtually nothing and creates a lot more work for me than he gives back.

But I guess I feel I need him on an emotional level, but being honest, what I get on that is pretty low level too.

The older i get, the more I think a lot of men get a very good deal within relationships

61 and divorced from a 20 year marriage, which is one of two serious relationships. I have never had the experience of being attractive to men so never had the pleasure of being selective.

My XH was very proactive with childcare but I did carry the emotional load of housekeeping, whilst having a full-time job equal to his.

Our marriage ultimately failed as it became sexless - partly due to poor communication and menopause. Neither has he entered into a new relationship. I have no urge for a sexual relationship but miss my XH desperately for the link created through our children. I am saddened that I am left with a sense that a close relationship is based purely on sex.

In this context and the reality of ‘nurse with a purse’, consider any type of relationship in the future being based on a false hope. It can feel really intense knowing potentially the next thirty years (both parents lived to 90) will be spent independent, aka in solitude.

I do count my blessings and know the reality of a failing relationship. However, the reality feels very intense.

I can see I am in the majority. I do wonder how my generation of women will adapt to this lifestyle.,

I don't think the 3 marriages thing is irrelevant.

I am 70 and have been very happily married for 44 years. I had 1 previous 2 year relationship.

My DH is my best friend. I would rather spend time with him than anyone else. He makes me laugh every day.

He still works (he is 66) and even though I haven't worked for 6 years he helps a lot with housework. We are slowly working on our house (new bathroom, extension, new kitchen etc) and he has done 90% of the work himself.

Your husband sounds like a keeper @mydogisthebest. Unfortunately judging by this thread, you may be in a minority! I do think the best relationships are always friendships too. It would be awful to be with someone who bored you and yet so many marriages seem to be like that. And sounds like he shares the domestic load too.

I read a quote yesterday that I liked. 'The wrong man in your life will teach you that you can do it all by yourself. The right man will know you can, but will not let you.' That just bloody sums it up!

@AInightingale I like that quote too

You can live 'independently' without being 'in solitude' you know. I have children with whom I spend time occasionally, lots of friends, don't intend to stop work for the foreseeable -

I think the secret of living without a man is to have plenty of friends, an active social life, and the number of a good handyman on speed dial.

Women STOP
A MAN has spoken 🙄
He a man in his 40s doesn't recognise how a woman in her 60s feels so has decided to post and tell us we are wrong
Hurrah

Anything else that did not happen?

Why?
Just why have you inserted yourself into this?
This how women in their 60s feel ,zero to do with you.
An absolutely marvellous example though of why we CBA with men.

.

@Gettingbysomehow What about sex?

Not bothered, or making do with DIY?

What has happened to this thread?
We've gone from being positive and happy to be single, to having to defend ourselves as to how often we do the washing up or go to work.. weird!

I've not read every thread but the one thing that's missing from the comments is sex.

Have all women here given it up - or have FWB?

@EcclesCakesPlz thats what everything boils down to in your life is it??