How I feel about men in my 60's.

[Gettingbysomehow]

I don't feel I am half a person waiting for the other half to fulfill me. i am a whole person and don't need anyone else.
I've been married and divorced three times, all of my husbands drained me and marriage never sat easy on my shoulders, and this is why.
It's only taken me 60 years to realise this.
Anyone else feel the same?

@Watermelonbathbomb yes I know what you mean. I have lots of friends and extended family but no one who's remotely interested in hearing about the minuate of my day. No one to share 'oh the dog did a funny thing earlier' with. I do also miss having company in the house and someone to spend time with that you don't have to talk to all the time. You can't very well sit in silence with a friend when they call for coffee!

43 here & don't think I ever want to live with a man before.
1 x marriage, some casual stuff since then (some of it fabulous sex!) but no interest in living with a man again.
My ideal would be to hook up with an old male friend in my later years, live next door to each other, snuggle up at night /eat / cook /go out etc occasionally.

That sounds ideal.

• again! Not before!

@youngones1 yes I also think this sounds ideal. Maybe not next door, but yes someone who is an intimate friend rather than an actual partner would be great.

The most refreshing thread Iv read on mumsnet. I’m 40 this year & feel the same. A lifetime of men letting me down- to put it lightly. I am a whole person, content, love my own space, my home, my friends, my DD, my family. I never want another relationship again. Certainly not a serious one that lives with me!

A lot of women marry as it’s what society and the patriarchy says we “should” do (it’s a powerful influence) but mainly it benefits men, not women (maybe financially) and I’m speaking in general. Latest study done shows actually yeh men do live longer when married but up to now that has been branded as “people” live longer when married- turns out just the men- single women in general live longer according to the longitudinal study that was done. I totally get it!

Im 57 and been with dh 37 yrs.Not all a bed of roses as we are on a lowish income.I swopped my 55 hour weeks to spend more time with him as he is mid 60s.
Tbh i find it hard work.He wants lie ins and tv and i want to do things while we can.
Ive thought about how nice single life maybe now ive lost my sex drive.
Ive got bags of energy and ideas yet live with someone draining.
Despite the age gap i think women still have a zest for life that older men dont.

Agree with you on the energy thing. Not yet retired but when we do I want to go travelling whilst Dh is happy to stay at home and do his hobbies. However we’ve come to a compromise- 1/3 spent on own hobbies, 1/3 spent together travelling/theatre/meals etc and 1/3 friends and family. I’m not sure if it will work but fingers crossed!

@Superlambaanana

I very much echo what you said about your relationship.

I have found that the first couple of years, the 'Limerance' phase, they are head over heels, devoted etc.

However, I don't think you really know them until after this period.

My ex fiance turned out to be a controlling, nasty piece of work who totally destroyed my confidence.

It is difficult to find your way out. In my case, I went to look after my DM who was ill, and just never went back! He coudn't believe it!

If anything happened to my DP I would stay single.

I think you can also be unlucky. My first marriage was with someone who before marriage had a job, we did the housework together, organised together and had a good sex life and had planned our future together. Once married, all that went out the windom and they spent their time doing hobbies and considering everything we can discussed as void.

50's here & single for over 4 years following 1 short-lived marriage in my 20's then a 15-year relationship with the father of my children.

I've had one 5-6 month relationship since.

I'm mostly ok on my own but, as others have experienced too , the chances of meeting someone seems less likely than being struck by lightning.

The cohort of 50's single males on OLD is utterly depressing.

Trying to find an intelligent/educated man of around the same age, who doesn't smoke, can hold a conversation & roughly keeps fit seems impossible.

I do really miss sex.

I have good friends & family, professional career etc.

I don't think I want to live with a man again.

*I find that quite sad.

I have friends in their 60s and 70s who still enjoy sex and don't feel differently just because they are older.

if I was looking for another man at any time I'd be very much wanting sexual attraction to be part of it*

Good for you and your friends. Now please try and understand that people can feel differently from you and your friends.

I've only just realised that OLD is an acronym for 'online dating' and not some website where older people seek new partners. 🤣Maybe I should take myself off to the 'penny dropped' thread.

Ha ha me too!

God I didn't know that it was just men living longer if they're married!! Typical that the stats were presented without caring that it ignores the real story for women. Story of our lives really isn't it.

This is spot on. I've experienced limerance myself and it does make you go a bit potty and do things which aren't sustainable in the long term. And does seem to last about 2 years in the majority of cases. I didn't have it with my ex but he may have had it because I reckon he did cool off after about that period. If he'd just become normal after it I wouldn't have minded but he got increasingly nasty to the extent that I feel I wasted at least 4-5 years with him that i'll never get back. That will be on my mind if I was ever to be tempted to enter a relationship again - am I prepared to waste years with someone who could also turn out to be a tw*t? Probably not, especially when it always takes at least 2 -3 years to wake up and get the hell out even after it's turned irrevocably sour.

My mom is 75 and getting married for the 3rd time.
After my stepdad died she said she'd never live with a man again. Here we are though and she will be marrying a lovely 82 yo man this year.

@Superlambaanana

Yes, that's exactly how I feel. My other serious relationship another woman got pregnant while I was with him. The devastation.

I can't go through it again.

It takes years to get through the hurt and try and get your confidence back, I don't think it is worth it.

@Beeswood yes I hear you. We can be careful and check that a new partner displays good personality traits, has a decent job, clean house, treats people well etc etc. But there is no sure fire way of knowing whether they will turn nasty, abusive, cheating etc until it's too late really.

I once married someone who did housework together with me, had a job, we had a good sex life and shared family goals, but crucially was the caring for other people.
It completely changed once married. It does happen like that. I am fortunate to be happily married to someone so kind and wonderful now, but the first time almost put me off for good.

I hear you, OP.
Not far behind you.
The thought of another relationship now... just no.
I just cannot be bothered!