How I feel about men in my 60's.

[Gettingbysomehow]

I don't feel I am half a person waiting for the other half to fulfill me. i am a whole person and don't need anyone else.
I've been married and divorced three times, all of my husbands drained me and marriage never sat easy on my shoulders, and this is why.
It's only taken me 60 years to realise this.
Anyone else feel the same?

I think a lot (not all) of women have had a lifetime of looking after other people and I think a lot of men (not all) had a lifetime of having someone care for them (as in doing the boring shit they don’t want to do).

In this context being in a relationship for a lot of men results in less labour and for women more (well thats what many men seem to expect).

This thread is fascinating and I agree with so much of it.

But why did so many of you marry 3 times ...didn't the first couple put you off?

I am 59 and have been divorced for 13 years. In the first few years I was too busy looking after the kids and since then I'm just happy without the drama. Occasionally I miss having someone to share things with etc, but I'm so much happier being in charge of my own life.

Love my DH to bits and can't imagine life without him but as he has bowel cancer i won't get to choose. I know if anything happens to him i won't be living with a man again.

I'm 63 and have not long chucked out my cheating STBXH. None of my previous long term boyfriends lived up to my hopes either. Now I'm on my own again and I'm actually starting to feel happier than I have for a long time. In fact the last time I felt content and happy with my life was before I met STBXH and was a single mother, but had good freinds and a full life. He was fine up until the last couple of years, but I wish I hadn't bothered now and won't be again. I would have stuck by STBX until the end if he'd not betrayed me but I couldn't be bothered with a man now- I don't want to have another person to look after at my age and with men, the woman usually ends up the one doing the looking after, or that's my experience. I've been looking after other people since I was 17- now I want to pour that energy into looking after myself!

god forbid anything happens to my husband. I was divorced once, had a long term (4 yr) relationship before meeting him. I am turning 57 next month and honestly , we are happy , only way i see this ending right now is thru one of our deaths. If god forbid.. I will never marry again, doubt I would even date to be honest.

I m 44 and have one Ex husband, I have been single and on/off casual dating for 10 years. I ll never live with a man again. Men prioritise other men over women and women are their sex vessels and support people/safety net/ar candy.

What's in it for us ladies?!

However I do thoroughly enjoy flirting and complimentary glances and sex, so I still enjoy casual dating, simply for the thrill.

So many men expect the woman to be their personal assistant.... Why???

I mostly feel sorry for people trapped I marriages, you can't beat freedom.

I don't feel I am half a person waiting for the other half to fulfill me. i am a whole person and don't need anyone else.

I have felt like this since I was 17. It's something I'll be hammering home to all my friends' daughters. Ironically I also think it's the mindset that leads to the healthiest relationships, if a compatible man happens to come along.

When this one dies I won't bother replacing

I'm 38 and I came to this conclusion recently myself.

43 and decided this mid 30's. Did try again a couple of years ago but was fairly swiftly reminded why I am happier single. They all say the right things but behave the same as the rest. They don't seem to grow and see their own patterns of behaviour which is exhausting.

I don't feel I am half a person waiting for the other half to fulfill me. i am a whole person and don't need anyone else.

Yes I've never felt like a "half" and always felt extremely insulted by any suggestion that another person would "complete" me or my life.

Even when in a relationship I've never really felt like being "half of a couple" was a thing. But then I've never put much stock in romantic relationships, friendships have always been far more important to me and since having children I'm very much defined by being their mother, which I understand as its a huge part of my life and does completely take over your life and identity for many years. But being defined by my relationship to a man... urgh that would be beyond depressing to me.

I'm 62 and been married 27 years (2nd marriage) - I like the company but like it as and when , rather than all the time , as he's quite an intense bloke and I find most men get lazier as they get older -the sharing domestic stuff all seems to go out the window - although I admit my H at 59 still works hard in his career. I'm also beyond the stage where I'm interested in sex , so someone saying let's have an early night gives me the ick - it's not just him- it would be anyone I think. If I was well enough off I would like separate houses and a couple of meet ups a week for a meal and a chat and vino - I hate thinking like this as it feels disloyal- but I'm being honest. I find marriage somewhat claustrophobic-especially with no kids at home

A friend of mine has a daughter who is happily single in her 40s - lots of friends, never had a serious relationship, no desire for children. It suddenly struck me that soon, many of her married friends will be joining her in singledom... she's just skipped the tedious 'getting married, getting divorced' bit, and sailed on single throughout!

My sister was with her ex partner for 17 years and they never lived together. I used to think that was weird, now I think it’s the way to go

Sounds too easy to paint all men with a broad brush tbh.

If I had 3 divorces, I think I would naturally have assess the mirror and look inwardly.

When I was in my mid teens I dated a boy who was 3 years older than me for about 18 months, a long time at that age. I really did at that time think of myself as being largely defined by being his girlfriend and was a total doormat for him.

He dumped me eventually and I was devastated for a couple of months, hoping he'd come back to me. But I got over it fairly quickly as you do at that age and it ended up being a really great learning experience for me and I never defined myself by a man again and was fairly ruthless when dating, if a man failed to treat me well or pull his weight he was out. It turned out that this new insight and the confidence and strength it gave me did in fact make my ex want me back after all but I was so over him by then.

I am married and have been with the same man since my early 20's however I never let it stop me doing my own thing so I've studied and lived overseas, moved to London alone for a year to do my masters, travelled with work all over the world and my DH waited for me or did his own overseas working and we did long distance. I love him very much, am proud to be his wife and spending time with him is one of the great joys of my life but being is wife isn't my identity, I don't need him to be fulfilled and if he drained me he wouldn't be my DH!

You can not need a man and still have the joy of a happy marriage!

I'm 38, been single for 4 years. 2 previous marriages. I intend on staying single now. Can't be arsed with men, don't want to have to share my time, my home or my life.

This forum has been very eye opening for me.
Frankly, as a man, I am used to women expecting me to be the main bread winner and certainly take half the household burdens too. What I have found to be a pain in the bum was also being the main person responsible for communication working and the woman always the main character in the relationship.
I then go on this forum and see women putting up with far more than I have realized.

@Sweden99 You should listen to that song by Paul Simon " You're the One" says it all really!

I hope it is as good as your earlier post, which is ace! :D

Great post.
I am 63 iv been married 27 years, 90% of it wonderful but my God that 10% I could have committed murder! I love my husband but I know for sure I wouldn't want to live with anyone again. I just couldn't be bothered. I love my own company, my dogs, my friends and my husband who works away a lot, that is probably how we remained sane. We have no children and spent years traveling and doing as we please. Friends my age find they are far more financially secure than the men they meet.

Perfect. If only men were cats

Once I lost interest in sex, I lost interest in relationships, I don’t see the point. I have more in common with my own gender.

Bravo!
I still think there are large number of women who think they need men to be happy. Which in turn means they blame their man if they are not happy. It is an old fashioned sexism that can make both parties miserable.