Social services called to my home

[ea4843]

Looking for a little reassurance, please be kind.

I have a 2yr old daughter, my own business, a beautiful home, I'm educated and we have a lovely life. My 2yr old is the happiest, brightest child. We are so blessed.
I've been in a relationship for just over a year now with a chap I was friends with for a long time (we belong to the same friendship group) However, he isn't my daughters biological father.
In the middle of December it was a friend of mines birthday and we'd had a lot to drink - I mean, a lot! I was having a once in a blue moon night off from parenting and letting my hair down and having a ruddy good time! It was great. When I eventually made it back to our home I'd decided after being in the house for a short time, that I wanted to go back out again. My partner didn't agree. I think he'd probably thought I was too drunk and being silly and needed my bed.
To cut a long story short, the night ended with him dragging me up the stairs and for some reason (probably frustratrafion for the situation) pinned me on my bed and shouted in my face. It was in this moment that I scratched his chest. I remember feeling terrified and to be honest, quite triggered.
To my shame and embarrassment, my daughter was home when this had happened. He was babysitting while I was out. She had been sleeping and was, up until that point, undisturbed.
My next door neighbour had called the police and when they arrived I was absolutely intoxicated, triggered, obviously couldn't regulate my own emotions and was arrested - and rightly so! How ridiculous of me. I am mortified and ashamed, let that be known.
I was arrested on a domestic abuse charge. So my partner had, a few days later, filed a report to state what his actions had been and what it was that had lead to me scratch him in the first place. So he too, has now been charged with domestic assault.
I've never been arrested or in trouble with anyone before and I've certainly never been involved in a situation like this before.
Although my partner and I haven't really had any contact since this situation, we've both agreed not to press charges, but the police are pushing for them anyway.
I've received a letter today with a social services appointment to visit my home with my daughter in a few days and I'm absolutely terrified!
The police had advised me that due to the nature of the incident and the fact that my daughter was in our home when it had happened, that they would have to inform them.
As I've said, I've never been involved in anything like this before and I just don't know what to expect. We are not this type of family, we don't live this way. This is not a reflection of me as a parent or an adult. I'd had too much wine with my dinner and had reacted based on my partners inappropriate behaviour towards me.
And to be clear, this has never happened before. My partner does have BPD and that shouldn't be held against him. His reaction towards me was wildly inappropriate and he is now seeking help for this. Although that isn't my main concern for now and I'm not even sure I can go forward with the relationship after this, I'm just filling in some gaps.
I'm just unsure of what to expect with a social worker visit. It's worrying and I'm so embarrassed and utterly ashamed of myself by the whole escapade.

Any kind advice is welcome,
Thanks in advance.

What a ridiculous thing to say. Of course we haven’t all been there!

I have been there. I called the police - pressed charges. I was stone cold sober and he went to court, charged with assault by battery. He was fined and got community service. I also got a restraining order. No-one aggressive was coming near me or my child.

Why is everyone saying she assaulted him? If he dragged her upstairs and pinned her to a bed?! Scratching his chest is self defence. I would get a solicitor to make sure the police see it that way also.

Well currently the police have charged them both with the same offence, and given that they are in possession of more information than you or I, I am prepared to take their position on this over conjecture.

What the fuck. He assaulted her.

I’d have the same thoughts about a mother leaving her two year old daughter with a 16 year old male babysitter with known mental health issues.

It’s insanity.

It won’t escalate that far

No we haven’t all been there. Stop minimising and making this all breezy.
Op was Dragged up a flight of stairs by an angry man, who pinned her down
There was a physical altercation
She was intoxicated
police were called
Her child was present

This is not a hey! We have all been there moment

Its child protection

op needs to demonstrate how she’ll keep her child safe. Demonstrate robust plan to keep her daughter safe. That should include ending the relationship with the abusive partner
how she’ll regulate her behaviour and understand the seriousness of this. She is that kind of person right now

Finally, op and her boyfriend don’t get to decide if charges are pressed. That’s not how it works. The CPS decides if it meet the threshold

That is very common in abusive situations, that the perpetrator has the victim arrested.

he dragged her up a flight of stairs, pinned her to a bed and screamed in her face

Hi OP

Please note: The Reply button on here does not work. If you use it you will not actually reply to that post but create a new post not linked and nobody will be able to follow the conversation.

Please use Quote (under the three dots) instead or copy part of the post you want to reply to and put it between asterisks to make it bold.

Alcohol fueled .. you say you had a lot to drink in first post.. then back track and say a drink of wine with a meal.
This is the fifth post I've read on here all alcohol related and not in a good way.. just because it's legal doesn't mean it's okay to drink far too much..

Just be honest with SS. They are there to support children and families. If they are worried, then you should be worried and listen to what they say. From what you say, you will be able to give them the reassurances they need to know your DS is safe.

You cannot moderate your drinking.

You're not better than the rest of us.

My next door neighbour had called the police and when they arrived I was absolutely intoxicated, triggered, obviously couldn't regulate my own emotions...

So you hadn't just got a bit tipsy. You hadn't had just one too many. You were steaming drunk to the point that you couldn't even pull yourself together not to be abusive to the police.

You had a two year old at home, yet you got, not just a bit drunk, but completely rat-arsed. That really isn't normal, and it really isn't to be minimised by saying it's understandable when you got a night off. No, it isn't.

As an aside, is anyone else sick of the “but we’ve know each other for yeeeeeears” narrative that’s becoming very frequent on here lately when mothers explain why their boyfriend of five minutes has been moved into their child’s home?

Eh?

I've absolutely never been there! And I don't know anyone who has.

On New Year's Eve, my partner left the pub before me. Whe I got back i tripped on the kerb and lay on our drive giggling but also in pain. He got me in , made tea, and we laughed about it. We don't have kids, but his reaction sounds extreme, unless a) you're lying or b) you behaved worse than you've said, so a)

We don't have kids , so fine for us, and nothing but laughter and holding my hair back, but you do, so you need to do different things. I think your neighbour did the right thing, and you should be honest with them.

I was in an abusive relationship with a man with bpd. He didn’t live with me but the relationship was chaotic to say the least and he had a history of dv which I very stupidly ignored.

This man had friends who had no clue what he could be like. He could be very sweet and shy. So even though you’ve known this man a long time it does not mean that you know him.

People with bpd can be extremely abusive and there’s a big overlap with npd…many of the behaviours are the same.

I work in Children’s Services.

Being educated, having a good job, money or what your home looks like is irrelevant. Most pp are being very judgemental and not supportive, because you lead with that.

SW’s will be assessing whether you are a protective factor in your child’s life and if you are prepared to do the work to show that you are.
Be honest with them and don’t try to minimise what happened. No excuses.

Whatever happened was enough for both Police and SS intervention, and rightly so.

How is your DD doing?

This.

Hi OP, sounds like you've all had a rotten and very stressful time. SS will need reassurance that you understand the gravity of the situation. It sounds like you are doing the right things - accountability will be important too.

I just wanted to shed some light on why the responses probably seem a little bit extra tough this evening. I think the way you open your post probably set you up for a bit of a harsh response. By explaining you have a nice home, job and that you are educated it comes across a bit like you are saying that this sort of thing shouldn't happen to you. You perhaps have a picture in your mind about the families who do have SS involvement and it comes across like you are trying to disassociate yourself with that type of person/family. Which will obviously offend quite a lot of people as SS can be involved with all sorts of families for all sorts of reasons. They are first and foremost supposed to be used as a supportive measure and would have visited and worked with plenty of families like yours.

I wish you all the best - it really sounds like this is something you won't allow to happen again. I just wanted to make it clear for you that excusing your situation in any way won't go down well with SS.

I also had an emotionally abusive relationship with a man with BPD. I'd run a mile OP. You should not be leaving your child with a man you've barely started a relationship with.

Bpd has nothing to do with it. I have bpd iv never been violent. Your ex had a history of dv because he's a nasty violent person not because he has bpd.

Dear God!