Well that can only mean one thing, can't it

[furbys]

Married, two kids, still on maternity leave with the second. I thought we were good.

On Sunday I saw a WhatsApp message on my husbands phone, number saved as a boys name, picture very much a woman, no previous texts just one message from my husband saying "Furbys will be in with the baby asleep by 9.30. Don't text before then. I promise I'll phone tonight xxx"

Total fluke that I saw it, the baby had grabbed his phone when he was on his play mat and it was open on that message. I somehow instantly knew exactly what I'd just read and clicked off when I heard my husband coming back into the room. He snatched it off the mat so quickly. I didn't have a chance to check his phone again for days as he hasn't had it out his sight but he did today and I checked and the message isn't there now.

Well thats fucking that then isn't it? I've said nothing, to be honest I'm trying to not even think about it, but I know what I've found

Read these threads on here so many times, I just fucking hate men

Honestly, I'm starting to wonder if any of them are halfway decent.

If he knows she has proof, it will prevent him from wanting to lie about his infidelity to friends and family, and to his children in the future.

It may also make it more straightforward to confront him, as he will be less likely to bother with trying to convince her that her eyes were lying.

So sorry. I hope you have some good support.

Omg! Bless you, you must feel so sick.

Pinch his phone & go out in the car to have a good look through it while you’re away from him/the house - you won’t feel as rushed that way. Get someone to call you on his phone then walk out to the car chatting and off you go! Say you wanted something from the shop.

Must be so hard doing the regular everyday stuff with all that in your head. How dare he disrespect you after all your sacrifices lately with the children. Sorry this is happening to you but at least you know now. That’s the best bit of all of this, you know!

Read Untamed and claim your power back! X

What an utter utter shit.

Say nothing.
As hard as it is. Say. Nothing.

Knowledge is power.

Work out finances and decide what you want.

Personally I wouldn't waste my time looking for proof. You know already.
I'd use my time to plan so I have the upperhand.
I wouldn't want to have to give up my year of mat leave so would soldier on until I could get back into FT work.
I'd also want to have seen solicitor(s), siphoned off joint cash on the sly and have a financial plan / negotiation strategy.

Also check if you can access any counselling or therapy via:

• your work (ours has a scheme)
• your GP
• your local children's health centre (again mine has a scheme for post natal mental health)

This might help you clarify thoughts / develop coping strategies/ help you process it.

Turn2us are also a great resource they will help you understand what benefits you will be able to access which in turn cam help you plan your exit.

Do not give him the chance to gas light and bullshit you.

Also everything @slore said.

🫂🫂🫂🫂
What a fucking turd

Adrenaline will give you strength to leave him. What a twat.

@slore

nah, it really doesn't. trying to gather evidence is just a pointless stress & waste of her limited energy.

That's awful to find and I can't imagine how you feel right now. Don't let on that you know and get finances sorted, make sure you are protected for the future, get evidence if you can but foremost...take care of yourself and your family. You may decide to confront him and sort it out but can you trust him moving forward. I personally would take stock, plan for the future and then kick his bum to the kerb. Good luck!

Yep.
Get finances sorted then kick him out.

Sorry OP. I feel for you.

Oh love, same here! Found out today. Just hurts so fucking much doesn't it. Wait til you have evidence. Other wise he will just lie lie lie.

What do you think you’d like to do with that knowledge now, op?

I'm so sorry OP.

What are you going to do? You said it was a boys name....next time you can access DH phone can you maybe jot down the number & contact the OW yourself....

Men are utter bastards.

Honestly don’t do any of the stupid game-playing always suggested on here. You don’t need “proof”, you don’t need a row of ducks. So what if he denies it, you know what you saw.

Think about what you ideally want then tell him you know - I wouldn’t be able to leave him enjoying his lovely little fantasy bubble while I’m devastated for another moment, but after that I’d recommend taking some time to consider your next move. There’s no need to make immediate decisions or take immediate action.

What makes it even more sickening is that he is being honest about having a wife and baby to this other woman, not even trying to hide it and pretend he's single.
I would start by asking him why he was outside

What kind of OW is happy to read a message saying wait until wife is asleep with baby. She sounds like a prize bitch and he sounds like a gaslighting monster.

So sorry, OP. You and your children deserve so much more. And can I ask where on earth are these women who find men cheating on their wives and with very young children at home attractive?! I would run a mile!

So sorry OP.
I agree with pp, as hard as it is, don't say anything until you have plans in place.

Right now you have the upper hand.

I'd have to collect evidence for my own sanity but that's just me. Do you know his phone password? Prehaps you could get hold of his phone while he's asleep?

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through this

So many lying, cheating, worthless men on here and women invariably have to hold it all together while looking after children, etc. Bastards, the lot of them.

So sorry op. He's horrible and I don't understand how the OW could receive that message and not think what a bastard he is either. My mind boggles at the kind of person she must be.

It won't hurt this much forever and you will be ok.

Really sorry, OP. Recommend you follow advice and get everything sorted before saying anything - take copies of documents, birth certs, pensions, passports, mortgage info, pay slips etc.

Set up a new email in a fake name and email copies of the documents to it. Do not stay logged in to this email or save the password, and maybe change passwords on your fb, MN etc.

Contact a solicitor, women's advice etc, using the new fake email. Don't leave any of this info where he can find it.

Consider buying a Ring camera, under £50 in their current sale, and conceal it somewhere in a room he uses. It does audio as well so never mind if it's hidden enough that the video it records is just a blank wall. Set it up using the new fake email log in details for the Ring account.

Keep quiet until you've got all your ducks in a row, as the saying goes, then decide your next move.

Good luck..

People are giving great advice to get ducks in a row, leave him etc but we have no idea if op is going to say anything at all, I hope she does! I don't know how anyone could keep quiet, I personally would have to confront him but I understand why getting finances sorted first is important. Psycho me would tear him a new one or mess with them both. I'd be getting a hold of that number and call anonymously and say I know you are having an affair with my husband and not even say who I am. Watch him squirm then, listen out for the telltale questions he asks trying to figure out if it was me that made that call.

If it's a joint bank account I would open another and transfer half into my new account before confronting him and telling him to do one.

I like the idea of leaving my mobile in the livingroom when going to bed and on record. No, op doesn't need evidence to confront him but she may WANT answers and to know who it is, it could be someone close to her for all she knows so be careful who you tell about this.

OP, I hope you find the courage and energy to do something about this. Someone already said you don't need him, you already do all the child stuff whilst he has time to put it about x

Well, @furbys, your H can attempt to gaslight all he wants, but there’s no way he can confuse you because you know what you saw — betrayal. It’s an EA or EA/PA.

You now know who he is: He’s ‘that guy’ who lies and cheats on his Wife and two little children. He’s sneaky — hiding his affair partner under a fake male name, and sneaking outside to call her when his exhausted Wife is taking care of their Baby. He’s the lowest of the low who steals his Wife’s agency and, if this is a sexual affair, has potentially exposed her and the baby to STDs.

This isn’t a platonic friendship, as he’s using subterfuge to hide OW and his cake eating. She knows all about you and the children, so she is complicit with him in harming all of you for illicit thrills. They’re both snakes.

Failing to protect his fidelity is all on him. He is responsible for his unethical choices, and none of them are about you. What will this manipulator try to pull out of the hat: stress, depression, lack of attention, OW is just a friend? Don’t entertain it. There are no valid excuses for choosing to trick and cheat on you. You deserve his love, support, and utmost respect, not his devious treachery.

Please don’t sweep this, @furbys. Doing so will corrode and cripple you. My advice is to meet with a solicitor to learn about your options, and then confront and tell H exactly how it’s going to be. Again, don’t give him the opportunity to manipulate you or downplay exactly what this is. Whether emotional or physical, it’s infidelity and disloyalty.

In your shoes, I would kick him out and set up a workable co-parenting arrangement.

Took me a while to realise the husband didn’t actually say “@furbys” in the text.

I’m really sorry OP. Men are shit. What are you planning on doing next?