Well that can only mean one thing, can't it

[furbys]

Married, two kids, still on maternity leave with the second. I thought we were good.

On Sunday I saw a WhatsApp message on my husbands phone, number saved as a boys name, picture very much a woman, no previous texts just one message from my husband saying "Furbys will be in with the baby asleep by 9.30. Don't text before then. I promise I'll phone tonight xxx"

Total fluke that I saw it, the baby had grabbed his phone when he was on his play mat and it was open on that message. I somehow instantly knew exactly what I'd just read and clicked off when I heard my husband coming back into the room. He snatched it off the mat so quickly. I didn't have a chance to check his phone again for days as he hasn't had it out his sight but he did today and I checked and the message isn't there now.

Well thats fucking that then isn't it? I've said nothing, to be honest I'm trying to not even think about it, but I know what I've found

I'm glad that you have a solid support system. Take all the help you can.

He’s an arsehole and so is she - what women does this- messaging clearly stating she knows you have a baby… cunt

I am gp carer and if my gs had to suffer a 50-50 split it would have devastated his life completely. As it was at the time the norm was eow and one midweek. His dad wanted the eow but not midweek because it wasn't convenient. He never turned up for weekend contact and left gs with his parents. My gs said it was like being forced to spend his time with randoms. He always thought it was more about punishing his maternal family than being in his best interests. He grew to loathe them and said it damaged his childhood. Just a perspective from a child who had to attend unwanted enforced contact.

I know a lot of people who find a 50-50 set up disruptive, moving from house to house, without a stable base.

The reality of 50-50 is a whole lot different to the thought of it op. I think it is all hot air at the moment. He is punishing you for his wrongdoing. I would wait til the dust settles and reach an agreement with him.

Just remember if it goes to court and an order is made, you have to comply with the order and make the children available. The order does not force him to take them, a common misconception on MN. I hope you are okay and getting support.

Only that he already compromised everybody's safety and put the welfare of his entire family in jeopardy by selfish behaviour.

As for the actual man himself and his qualities, well only the OP would know.

In my experience men do not make good solo parents whatsoever, they don't have mothering or caretaking instincts which is vital to child welfare, they're not selfless and don't naturally put the children first like women do.

@comingintomyown - I carefully boxed up all of my STBEx’s belongings and labelled each box. I didn’t throw a single item away, just neatly boxed it and popped it in the garage. He found this ‘very upsetting’ apparently …. but I know everything is there and he can’t accuse me of being crazy or anything - well he can but the boxes suggest otherwise 😂

Just let them be I’d say. There’s always been life in the mud at the bottom of the pond. Let them wallow together in the murk.

hope you're ok as can be in the circumstances OP. Been reading and lurking and thinking of you. Have a big virtual hug.

I’m sorry this is happening to you and glad you have support.

Your husband is so nasty and seems quite put out that you’re not on the floor pleading with him to pick you.

Even in your pain you sound awesome - sending you a virtual handhold 🫳🏾.

didnt read the whole thread and then wrote something irrelevant but I obviously can’t delete my post.

Hope you’re ok going forward @furbys

Having had to navigate everything when in such a vulnerable, sleep deprived state you have dealt with this challenge with amazing strength, resolve and self respect. He has behaved as all cowards do by trying to turn on you and bully you. You are doing amazingly well. It will get better than it feels at the moment but know that you have behaved with resilience and are doing what is best for you and for your children. No matter what he says now or in the future know that you are the one that has acted with dignity in the face of awful behaviour. I’m so glad you have strong support around you. That and your own inner sense of self worth really will help you get through this. What a stupid weak, man. He absolutely doesn’t deserve you.

I hope you are ok op. Your post has been on my mind.

@furbys

By telling him you don't care where he goes you have shown him you are a woman of substance and dignity who is not going to do the 'pick me' dance for anyone. And he can't stand it, weak and pathetic as he is.

Rock on, sister!

Slow your roll , I’d be putting my finances in place, and then kick his arse out
wish I had waited and watched, then acted
whilst in the right head space
so sorry op it’s crap

Well done for the way you've handled it. Strong lady

@furbys, I’ve been thinking of you today. How are you doing?

I’m sorry OP. This must have been a horrible shock. At least you’ve been left in no doubt about the kind of person he is.

I just wanted to echo those who think you’ve handled it brilliantly. It sounds as though your H expected to have two women fighting over him, or at least for you to be riven with jealousy over the other woman. Maybe he’s not the great catch he thought he was?

I hope you’re contacting a good solicitor, and that you’re being kind to yourself.

So sorry OP. Sending you a handhold to help get you through xx

So sorry for what you're going through, furbys. Didn't want to read and run. Good on you for knowing your worth. 🌺 for the long road ahead. xx

So she is going to end up with a man that is fucking around while his newborn is in the SCBU. What a prize!

More likely she will dump him ASAP or she is married. That will be why he isn't going to hers.

Hope you're doing ok OP

How are you getting on @furbys ? Hope you are staying strong and family and friends are supporting you. And I hope that weasel is feeling thoroughly ashamed of himself.

@furbys, I hope things are going as well as possible. If we don’t hear from you again, I wish you and your little ones all the best.

Furbys how are you?

I just wanted to say! However you reacted to him - bar killing him - you’d have had our support in the throes of what you’re dealing with if you’d cried, screamed, anything we’d have listened-
BUT
I just wanted to say- Giiirrrllll you put him in his damn place- not that it’s your job.

But oooow that must have pierced his ego bubble a thousand little sword hits.

oow one day in the near distant future you’ll be thinking on that moment and the strength you delivered a corker 🙌🙌🙌

@furbys hoping you are ok.

@FairyMaclary
Calm?