Well that can only mean one thing, can't it

[furbys]

Married, two kids, still on maternity leave with the second. I thought we were good.

On Sunday I saw a WhatsApp message on my husbands phone, number saved as a boys name, picture very much a woman, no previous texts just one message from my husband saying "Furbys will be in with the baby asleep by 9.30. Don't text before then. I promise I'll phone tonight xxx"

Total fluke that I saw it, the baby had grabbed his phone when he was on his play mat and it was open on that message. I somehow instantly knew exactly what I'd just read and clicked off when I heard my husband coming back into the room. He snatched it off the mat so quickly. I didn't have a chance to check his phone again for days as he hasn't had it out his sight but he did today and I checked and the message isn't there now.

Well thats fucking that then isn't it? I've said nothing, to be honest I'm trying to not even think about it, but I know what I've found

Yes, because he’s going to say, ‘Ah yes, that’s the woman/man I’m having an affair with. We’re off to start a commune in Kerblakistan and I’m leaving you with the kids and no money.’ Get real - at least the OP should make sure she hasn’t got the wrong end of the stick before she goes accusing anyone of having an affair, and if she is sure it will give her a little time to plan her exit/forgiveness. While he doesn’t know she knows, she holds all the cards and would be well advised to seek a solicitor to work out how to maximise positive options for her. Once he knows, well then the games begin.

I’m so sorry OP.

I hope you’ve confronted him - there’s no way I could just sit on this. I have never understood how a woman could just act like nothing has happened whilst they look for proof and get their ducks in a row (whatever that means).

If this had happened to me I wouldn’t even be able to look at my husband, never mind act completely normal with him, cook for him, eat with him, go out with him, have there be affection/sex, be able to smile at him and hold his hand, lie next to him in bed etc etc for months on end before saying anything.

It wouldn’t be physically possible for me.

You need to confront him whilst he’s unaware, catch him off guard, not months down the line where he will probably suspect you know due to behavioural and relationship changes and when he will probably have already lined up his own ducks as how to wriggle out of the situation.

And I would definitely tell someone in real life so you can get the practical and emotional support you will need and also to have someone give you the strength to keep fighting.

If it was whatsapp the photo may have saved itself into his gallery under "whatsapp images". I don't know if you can see who it came from in the details though. But if its there, you will have it to use as evidence at least for your own sanity.

You need to tell him that you know.

Oh god OP. You poor thing. Don't let him lie. There are really helpful threads on here about 'the script'
He will tie you in knots if you aren't aware of what he is likely to say to you. I'm so sorry. Men when cornered lie and make it all about you so don't let him

God, how bloody awful. You've just had a baby! HIS baby!! And he treats you like this?! Fuck me. 😡

I'd be apoplectic OP. Can't even begin to imagine how hurt and devastated you must be feeling.

I hope you have help IRL and you can get shot of him. Poor you. And your poor kids for having a shit for a father.

I think you need rl support if you can because this is huge for you to carry alone. Do you intend to openly confront him, or play the longer game and see what you can find out?

Don't play games or mess about following him or trying to get his messages. Just confront him and tell him you know. Then take it from there.

I hope you are ok op. You must be in shock. When this happened to me it took me a few days to comprehend what I'd seen properly. But when I did I just asked then h. He denied it for about half an hour but then came clean.
I think that's the best course of action-just ask him. Sneaking about trying to catch him is just adding stress to an already crummy situation. You know what you saw. Lots of love to you, it's bloody hard.

Well I would have thought anyone willing to be an OW tbh.

He’s despicable, cheating on his wife who is on mat leave after giving back to a baby.

I don’t think there’s any comeback from this. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

So sorry OP.

You don’t have to go all Miss Marple on him, you know what you saw.

I would use my limited energy for the “duck protocol” getting savings/pensions/shares info. What is your housing situation and do you have family support? Do you have ready access to family money?

When you are ready, you tell him that you know and are filing for divorce. 💐

I agree about energy and waiting until you are emotionally strong enough to not be won round by his stupid excuses. A straight face and a strong 'I know what you've done' response even in the face of him telling you you're mad and paranoid (mine even organised therapy for anxiety rather than just fess up)

Can you get his phone to change her number to yours to see what he messages?

I can’t believe how composed you are being. It’s absolutely the better way. See a solicitor, get organised and keep on the lookout for further evidence before you are in a position to broach it with your ducks in a row. When do you think he sees her? I’m sorry, this must be the last thing you feel like tackling at this stage of DC’s lives. But he’s clearly cheating in very cold blood. This isn’t a drunken fling.

Someone’s just linked this on a thread asking about ‘the script’.

I think it’s good advance warning for you as well, OP.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/1485686-the-hes-having-an-affair-script

This actually very clever. Do it.

OP I'm so sorry - what a bastard.

Use what energy you have to prepare yourself and cope. Once you’re prepared then a simple “I know you’re having an affair. I saw your message to her on NYE. I need you to leave. My solicitor Mr Jones will be in touch.”

This.

Completely agree. You were right - that message can only mean one thing and it's been backed up by his shifty behaviour when he saw you with the phone. Trying to get more evidence is a waste of your time and energy. Focus on yourself and your kids. Your husband's wellbeing is no longer any of your concern. You don't need proof of anything for a divorce or to end a relationship if the trust has gone and you want to do it.

Look after yourself physically (try to eat and sleep properly and get some exercise) and mentally (lean on a friend or family member if you can) and take time to work out what to do next.

I'm really sorry. I've been there and it's horrible. You've got some really stressful things to go through in the near future but things do get better, I promise

I have done exactly this before and whilst I thought it was very clever (and it is), I can't unsee the message that he sent to 'her'. Just be mindful of that but yeah, it will tell you all you need to know.

If he is observant/careful he will notice that the number has been changed.

And the profile pic if they use watsapp. So sorry OP