Well that can only mean one thing, can't it

[furbys]

Married, two kids, still on maternity leave with the second. I thought we were good.

On Sunday I saw a WhatsApp message on my husbands phone, number saved as a boys name, picture very much a woman, no previous texts just one message from my husband saying "Furbys will be in with the baby asleep by 9.30. Don't text before then. I promise I'll phone tonight xxx"

Total fluke that I saw it, the baby had grabbed his phone when he was on his play mat and it was open on that message. I somehow instantly knew exactly what I'd just read and clicked off when I heard my husband coming back into the room. He snatched it off the mat so quickly. I didn't have a chance to check his phone again for days as he hasn't had it out his sight but he did today and I checked and the message isn't there now.

Well thats fucking that then isn't it? I've said nothing, to be honest I'm trying to not even think about it, but I know what I've found

What a depressingly accurate comment.
It really will be easier on the kids (especially the baby) to not remember any different to parents who aren’t together.

Given the circumstances of two young kids etc. and this happening now, I don’t believe any reconciliation attempt on his part will be genuine OP. He’ll be sorry for missing seeing his kids everyday when that finally sinks into his tiny brain, he’ll be sorry for the financial hit of a divorce, he’ll be sorry that people are going to lose a lot of respect for him, but he won’t be truly sorry for what he’s done.
He can’t even play the “the marriage was over for years” card. You have a very young family. Wasn’t over whilst they were being conceived was it. Equally you don’t know how long this has been going on for. Was it happening whilst you were pregnant? Dickhead of the highest order. So sorry, OP.

So sorry OP. Can you tell anyone IRL?

get accounts in order before any confrontation

Throw it in a lake

Drop his phone in sink. Oops!

See your solicitor, apply for sole use of home then divorce. Screenshot before the phone's swimming lesson...

ps. There will be better days xxxxxxxxx huge hugs

Do you share a charger? If you don't his needs a mishap. Watch him panic as his phone dies....
Utterly fuming for you op.

If you're having sex without condom - clinic asap xx

If you need proof, go through his photos.

IME they're stupid and like to save things and what's app photos will save to his camera roll.

This OP, get your ducks in a row, seek out legal advice, get any documents and put them in a safe place (eg your parents house) gather info about pensions, earnings, savings etc and make sure you have access to money.

Harden your heart and don't make any rash decisions or confrontations until you're holding all the cards, build your defenses first. Xx

So sorry he's such a shit cunt husband OP. Sending massive hugs. Xx

A shit cunt.

Yes indeed.

I'm so sorry.

If it's any help, my husband's affair started when I was pregnant with my second child and I didn't find the evidence until 8 years later.

I really wish I'd found out at the time.

What's your financial situation? Do you share ownership of a house? Rent?

Have a look at the Entitled To website - they have a calculator on there - and also look at the Child Maintenance calculator.

Do you know who it is?

I’m sorry OP. Are you going to confront him or just ignore this? I don’t think I could keep that inside personally. So tough with young ones to date for. What a complete arse

Sorry xx You deserve so much more xxxx

Do you know her name? If so I would honestly start fucking with him and say things like "I met a really nice lady named <insert name here> at baby group today and watch his reaction.

Shit, what an absolute selfish dickwad. Get away from him, kick him out- tell him he's a shit and that you know. Don't listen to his bullshit excuses you know he will give.

Then go grey rock on his worthless arse and divorce him. You deserve so much more than this x

So sorry love, what a dick 💐

I talk from experience...you need to very quietly get up in the middle of the night and check his phone.

Check his deleted photos on iphone (if he has iPhone), check deleted photos on google drive/app, Amazon photos and his iCloud. He may also have stored 'special' things in his outlook cloud or other email cloud. Also, check the 'hidden' folder in photos on the iPhone. It'll be password/Face ID protected.

His WhatsApp will be deleted as soon as the messages come through and it's nigh on impossible to retrieve those (I tried). Check his Facebook messenger account (unlikely to use this).

Check emails 'sent' and 'deleted' folder for florists etc. the stupidity of men means they don't often delete these. Also check inter-flora, moonpig, thortful etc. to see if accounts are held there and you can check orders. This applies to lots of websites that he may have sent her things from.

You could always put his WhatsApp account on your laptop/desktop and have a jigger attached to you mouse so that any messages that come into his WhatsApp account come up in your notifications so you can see them before he deletes them. You need to download the app onto your laptop then use his phone to scan the QR code so his account comes onto the laptop.

You will need evidence because he will deny it unless you have her name etc. he will try to gaslight you because that's what they do. Usually when confronted with their written words/texts spoken back to them they crumble.

He'll still try to minimise so I would really try and get as much info as possible before you confront him.

They are fuckers. I'm so sorry because it's the worst feeling to find this out.

I stayed because I thought the woman was at fault. I regret it and now I'm financially stuck. Get out of this relationship because he'll do it again. Mine did and I stayed this time because I have two small children now. He'll do it again and no doubt I'll stay then too until the children are grown and I'm on better financial footing. Don't be me. Be braver.

Well if you havn't exploded yet...

Download a recording app on your phone, go to bed leaving it on silent and recording.
First night in the room he sits in, if no joy, place it outside when he has his chat.

You don't want to get gaslighted.

Oh @ReacherFan I want to give you a hug. I only have the one DC who is 3 and found out STBXH had cheated again when she was 2 and 3/4. Thankfully I can cope on my own so I binned him off. But I thank my lucky stars I am infertile and having a second wasn't working out because I'd have been up shit creek without a paddle if I was pregnant or had two. Men can be such wankers.

I have nothing to add @furbys other than try to make the right decision if you can and stand tall. Don't listen to his bullshit, and try not to torture yourself with details. You'll never know the truth, don't get obsessed with trying to find it x

I’m sorry that can only mean one thing, especially when you have a baby.
Just decide if you want to work things out if he comes clean, or if you want to leave him do you want to confront him or sort out finances and things first

You don't need to tell him you know op, you could just take the ball out of his court and say you want to end the relationship as you don't love him anymore. That would pull the rug from under the cheating bastard.

I just want to say stay strong. Put you and your baby first. Sending hugs

Sorry you're having to go through this, it's crap.

Get your thoughts lined up based on what you know to be true. You didn't imagine the text, nor him disappearing outside for half hour in winter....

Decide what you want to happen from it and go from there.

Don't let him have the satisfaction of gaslighting you and convincing you you imagined it or made it up or read it wrong etc, stick to your guns when you know what you want.