Well that can only mean one thing, can't it

[furbys]

Married, two kids, still on maternity leave with the second. I thought we were good.

On Sunday I saw a WhatsApp message on my husbands phone, number saved as a boys name, picture very much a woman, no previous texts just one message from my husband saying "Furbys will be in with the baby asleep by 9.30. Don't text before then. I promise I'll phone tonight xxx"

Total fluke that I saw it, the baby had grabbed his phone when he was on his play mat and it was open on that message. I somehow instantly knew exactly what I'd just read and clicked off when I heard my husband coming back into the room. He snatched it off the mat so quickly. I didn't have a chance to check his phone again for days as he hasn't had it out his sight but he did today and I checked and the message isn't there now.

Well thats fucking that then isn't it? I've said nothing, to be honest I'm trying to not even think about it, but I know what I've found

I can't imagine the feeling when you saw that. I hope you manage to summon the anger to kick him to the kerb though.

OP I second the advice from other posters to push him out to this bloody woman. It’s a “fun” fling atm but once they’re together they’ll have all the usual stresses of life to deal with and he’ll realise what he’s lost. He’ll be pining for the family he screwed over but it will be too late we’ll boo hoo for him he’ll have a lifetime to regret it

get to clinic too, if necessary

do not him gaslight you. you know what you saw, you are his wife and the mother of his children and no one is more important than you and your children, if he’s pissed all over this then she can take him! See how long it lasts..

you will have the last laugh.
i understand it’s hard with young kids you’re so tired. Stay strong and do what you need to do x

*Boo hoo for him 😢

• don’t let him gaslight you

I honestly feel like I could go vigilante on abusive men and cheaters reading how awful some of them are and do a bobbit but I’d make sure I flushed his wiener down the toilet

Just tell him "I know what you've been doing. I've seen the messages, and then seen you delete them. Are you going to have the decency to explain yourself before you leave this house, or not?" and then just remain silent and let him speak.

‘Hey Dh, you know how you’ve always said you don’t understand why people cheat? Or how people can betray the people they are supposed to love at exactly the time the people they are supposed to love are exhausted looking after the babies and children they have together? Perhaps you can explain it to me now?’ Would be a good opener.

Sorry op. It absolutely sucks. I doubt he'll come clean but you know what you saw so stay strong when the gaslighting starts.

I’m sorry this has happened to you, you must be in utter shock.

There’s no rush to say what you want to say.

I hope you manage to sleep and build up some strength.

All in your own good time.

You Will be okay 💐

He's an absolute shit, OP. I'm sorry.

But you know what you saw and you know what it meant. I wouldn't even entertain a discussion with him about it.

As everyone has said, seek legal advice, get copies of everything important (ducks in a row), figure out what you want, and then tell him what that is. If you want him out, ask him to go. It takes 2 to want a relationship, and if you decide this is unforgiveable, it's done. And that's his fault, not yours. No matter what he says or how much he lies.

So sorry you saw that! You deserve better hope you find the strength to speak to him and don’t stand for any crap

Do you have people in real life you can confide in? Or maybe go away for a few days to get your thoughts together.
My sister did this and bugged the house while she was away. She got a recording of her oh bringing the woman into her house. She threw him out after that. The shock of it all was horrible. I really feel for you. I hope there is some explanation but I know it’s unlikely.

What a twat.

I hope your ok and you are safe.

I am so sorry that this is happening to you and I am so sorry for all the other women (myself included) that it has happened to in the past. You will get through it, you and your little ones will be okay and then as time passes you will be more than okay, you will all be thriving and happy. As for your husband, he will live to regret doing this but you will have moved on and it will be too late for him to get his old life back

If you have a baby monitor you could put that downstairs at night when you go to bed and listen in. Feel awful for you

Just say to him ‘I know everything about ‘boys name’ and see what he does. I genuinely don’t understand men. You have a baby, ffs!

I wouldn’t do the cloak and dagger stuff. You know what you saw, you need no more proof. Make an appointment with a solicitor as soon as possible and take it from there when you know where you stand. You may decide to forgive him and that’s your prerogative, but you’ll need to watch him like a hawk in future if you do, which is miserable, so this would probably be a last resort.

Why don’t they leave? Because it suits them not to. They want the marriage, family life, home, and the respectability and status that comes with that lifestyle. They also want the other woman on the side for sex, fun and ego stroking. Leaving means losing too much. Far better to string both the wife and the OW along. Bastards.

There's no need to confront him yet, it may be to your advantage to be able to secretly get yourself organized and ready to leave. Seek legal advise, organize support and childcare, get your finances sorted, deal with any joint bank accounts etc.

I'm not an expert and don't know if there would be any repercussions, but men regularly empty joint accounts when marriages go down the pan, and they don't seem to face any consequences for it...

Also, you know what you saw. You don't need any further proof, regardless of what he says to you in the future. Though personally, I'd be inclined to be discreetly gathering evidence of his infidelity in case it's of future benefit.

Clearly you don’t need him OP
Why are you exhausted and why are you going to bed early and he had plenty energy for late nights and time for another women !?

You don’t need him keep telling yourself that.

You don't need to waste your time and energy gathering more "proof"- it makes no difference legally and to the outcome. Throw your energy into planning your divorce/life after him, then ask him to leave.

Firstly, I am so sorry sending you mumsnet squeezes.
Secondly ducks in a row time and making sure any assets you have are protected and if you can grab any evidence so you can't be gaslit or deterred in anyway xxxx

This !!!

I am so sorry OP. I would be raging. But please just get your ducks in a row and don’t even entertain the gas lighting. You know what you saw and what this means .
Also, maybe telling someone IRL will give you more strength xxxxx

@Iknowtheyareusefulstorage

why?

what would having proof change? She knows what she saw.

Get virtual, online copies of all your documents.

Store them online, not just on paper