Well that can only mean one thing, can't it

[furbys]

Married, two kids, still on maternity leave with the second. I thought we were good.

On Sunday I saw a WhatsApp message on my husbands phone, number saved as a boys name, picture very much a woman, no previous texts just one message from my husband saying "Furbys will be in with the baby asleep by 9.30. Don't text before then. I promise I'll phone tonight xxx"

Total fluke that I saw it, the baby had grabbed his phone when he was on his play mat and it was open on that message. I somehow instantly knew exactly what I'd just read and clicked off when I heard my husband coming back into the room. He snatched it off the mat so quickly. I didn't have a chance to check his phone again for days as he hasn't had it out his sight but he did today and I checked and the message isn't there now.

Well thats fucking that then isn't it? I've said nothing, to be honest I'm trying to not even think about it, but I know what I've found

Get your hair and nails done op x x x A massage too. Anything that helps you cope. Could you afford some childminder hours so you could rest?

If he stays at brother’s he can be all woe is me and play innocent. If he goes to OW it confirms what a shitbag he is….

OP, so proud of you for keeping your composure, I hope you are ok xx

He is trying to scare you so you back down. He will come back sobbing when you don't. As someone else said he hasn't gone to the OWs so either she is married as well or he's not planning on actually leaving you, he's just trying to make you panic and accept him back with the least upset to himself.

So sorry OP, have you any support with friends/family? I hope you are ok. Xx

I’m so sorry. These men who cheat and then are cruel to the women they betrayed are such failures as humans.

Aww honey, are you suggesting OP stay with this numbskull?

Have you RTFT?

You're being a great role model to your children and teaching them that they need to demand respect. Hang in there you've got this

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this OP.

Please don’t read this as defending him in any way, I’m absolutely not but all this he’s evil, he’s the devil incarnate talk isn’t helping you when at the very least you are going to have to co-parent with him. He’s been backed into a corner and suddenly forced to confront the consequences of his shitty appalling behaviour and, predictably, his reflex response is to lash out.

I hope you have some family support in real life to navigate this difficult time.

Calm yourself down, dear!

Little lesson on comprehension: never assume. Nowhere did I say I was offended.

Nope, just pointing out the laughable "advice" trotted out every single time an OP reports finding evidence of deceit.

It's trite and it's clichéd nevermind the fact eleven previous posters have already gone to the trouble to type it out.

Those poor ducks must think they're soldiers with all the lining up they've been instructed to do.

🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆

I don’t think that what this poor lady needs now is an apologist.

Her first response to him was to remind him about the children and putting them first! There is nothing about her posts that suggests she needs this reminder.

A good priority might be supporting the victim first?

Bastard 🤬

Name doesn’t suggest a troll at all, oh no, nope.

Thinking of you OP. Stay strong - you deserve so much better.

Funny thing is she’s puzzled people typed it out once, yet has scrolled through the thread to count 11 ducks in a row, ranted about it, then even emojiied a string of them.
Duck fetish?

What an almighty c*nt 🤬 So sorry OP its just the worse isn’t it. You think you know a person then they betray you like this. You are well rid of this loser.

Do you think we ought to alert the RPCA about the potential for duck abuse / interference this fixation may have given rise to, so to speak?

I said that I knew, he said yes, he thought on the play mat that I had seen it. He asked if I'd 'stalked' her yet, as if I care more about who she is then what he's done. I asked him if it was going on all of the time we were in the SCBU with our baby when he was newborn and he dodged the question. There wasn't much more said than that to be honest, I asked him to leave, he said he would, he said he's going to his brothers, I said ok, he said he isn't going to her house, and asked if I believe him and I said I don't care where you're going. That was it then until he kicked off when it actually came to leave and was talking about how hard he's going to fight and all that shit.

I'm really sorry, OP, that sounds brutal and he's being an absolute cunt, it must be very painful.

You won't be able to see it now but actually his behaviour in the long run will be a blessing: he's completely given the game away and isn't denying or trying to win you back. While I can see how hurtful it must be it's actually going to help you move on decisively and without him dragging it out. In some ways it's actually a kindness to you.

It's pretty clear now what's happening and it's pretty clear what you have to do. I'm not going to repeat the "ducks in a row" stuff as it seems to enrage people. For now, just concentrate on looking after yourself and your children and, as soon as you feel able to do so, start preparing the ground for separation and then divorce.

At least you absolutely now know where you stand and can move forwards.

Have you got family/friend support @furbys ?

He's a sneaky fucker isn't he, throwing the OW straight under the bus to see if he could save himself. I've no doubt he's about to embark on a publicity campaign so that everyone knows you threw him out, you're 'jealous' or 'insane' or similar. I'm sure you'll want to keep your dignity but I would certainly letting people know that unfortunately he seems to have had an inappropriate relationship but you don't have any details.

This is horrible, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Assuming you are an "average" family, he has no chance at full custody even without infidelity.
I would record any conversation with him, in case he confesses in one of these conversations, just to tilt the balance more towards your end, if need be, in a potential court hearing. Maybe ask him something like "Why did you do it?" even if the question (and whatever his answer) are irrelevant, just to have it on tape in case it can be useful in the future.
If he tries to deny it, I'd hint at me having a proof of his message. If he imagines you took a picture (without you actually saying it), it could make him more likely to confess.
Infidelity is horrible, because it's something so easy to do for any of us, and it causes so much harm. Although a normal reaction, try to not doubt yourself and try to avoid looking up the other woman and comparing yourself to her. It's never because she was "better" in some way, it's always because he wasn't good enough.

That was it then until he kicked off when it actually came to leave and was talking about how hard he's going to fight and all that shit.
because he assumed you would beg him to stay. And then he realised he was losing control of the situation.

You’ve dealt with him marvellously- well done! 👏🏼 He has made the biggest mistake of his life. He’ll regret this but it’ll be too fucking late.

Ugh he sounds like such a monumental prick-of the highest order! All he could ask was “so have you stalked her yet?” Pathetic little piece of shit. As if he has the audacity to say how hard he is going to “fight” when it’s him who’s fucking caused this. Ugh. I’m fuming for you OP.

What a right royal cunt he is OP. You are doing great. Have you told anyone who can support you? Tough times ahead but then MUCH happier times.