Well that can only mean one thing, can't it

[furbys]

Married, two kids, still on maternity leave with the second. I thought we were good.

On Sunday I saw a WhatsApp message on my husbands phone, number saved as a boys name, picture very much a woman, no previous texts just one message from my husband saying "Furbys will be in with the baby asleep by 9.30. Don't text before then. I promise I'll phone tonight xxx"

Total fluke that I saw it, the baby had grabbed his phone when he was on his play mat and it was open on that message. I somehow instantly knew exactly what I'd just read and clicked off when I heard my husband coming back into the room. He snatched it off the mat so quickly. I didn't have a chance to check his phone again for days as he hasn't had it out his sight but he did today and I checked and the message isn't there now.

Well thats fucking that then isn't it? I've said nothing, to be honest I'm trying to not even think about it, but I know what I've found

This. You've been calm and dignified and held your nerve and he's panicked. It's not how he expected it to play out.

He's now probably either going to play dirty or he'll do a complete u-turn and start grovelling. Either way, keep up the good work.

Oh, @furbys it’s so horrible 💐

I wouldn't do this, hopefully you won't end up in court but if it did they wouldn't be interested in recordings made without the other parties knowledge (would likely just make you look bad), and infidelity won't have any impact on any financial or childcare rulings anyway.

Rise above. It sounds like you're dealing with it perfectly so far OP, you will come out of the other side of this. Be kind to yourself

You know that if he hadn't done anything when your baby was in the SCBU he would have vigorously denied it and been really shocked you'd suggested it. Avoiding that answer told you the answer. What a pair. I'm so sorry.

If he has gone to his brother's I would assume that she is living with someone.

Over the years I've read so many times this type of story. It's as if being pregnant gives them a free pass. 😡

“Not going down without a fight”
If he says that again, ask him what’s he’s fighting for and what is he fighting about. Make the point that you never started a fight to begin with.
Your response was epic. Try and make sure you have plenty in writing of you being completely reasonable to this absolute fuckwit.!
Have you stalked her yet my arse.

If his brother has an ounce of decency he'll not let him stay. If my brother or sister came to me because they'd cheated on their wife and abandoned their baby, I'd tell them to hit the road.

sending you hugs OP 🤗

So sorry OP

And how would that help if he just turns round and goes back home? OP can ask him to leave but actually he doesn't have to.

That was in response to @VanityDiesHard

Many years ago, under a many years lost username, mumsnet helped me enormously
I have nothing sensible to say except I’m
sorry and stay strong
I left my DP and I am only glad my DC had no bad memories of him in the end

It might not help practically, but it would send a moral message. I fear the brother won't, though. So few people will hold family accountable.

You have been amazing @furbys and dealing with this so calmly. You've totally upset his dirty shenanigans and thrown him with your response. Everything he's saying to you is empty threats as he's clutching at straws. Hope you have people IRL you can talk to and receive support from right now.

He's one cheeky bastard. Asking if you'd stalked her yet!!. Who does he think he is??. Stay strong lovely, hope you've got support irl.

Thank you by the way, for so many of you to take the time to respond and support and I'm so sorry to anyone else who has been through it. Yes, I have support. I have a good family and two wonderful very close friends. My mum has taken my 4 year old for a sleepover so it's just me and the baby tonight. She didn't want me to have to put on an act, I was hesitant but it was the right thing actually.

Have you stalked her yet was the weirdest response.

Also, imagine sneaking round thinking you saw the text but still crossing his fingers he could get away with it.

Im sorry OP.

Fire starter, another poster just said ducks in a row. That’s 12 now. But OP you should move fast as you can now on “that” front. Be strong. X

I feel so sorry for you going through such upset especially when still on maternity leave - although no time would be good. You have acted with such strength and grace - I hope you have people to support you in person.
People can be so awful and hurtful. His response seems very odd - asking if you had stalked her and he will fight what exactly? I think he is thrown because you have not acted as he expected you to.

I think kindness might be more useful than a moral message. It would be a kindness to the OP to let her have some space before she needs to listen to more of her husband's blustering, whining vitriol.

“Have you stalked her yet?” is DARVO. Trying to turn OP into the crazy bitch wife who drove him and his poor downtrodden penis into the vag of some poor other woman, who is helpless against the onslaught of irrational and unfair spousal outrage. It’s the Fucking Script.

Oh my heart goes out to you. I've got no decent advice, but just wanted to sympathise.

Seems he would enjoy you and OW fighting over him. As Fucking If. She can have your leftovers and welcome!

So glad you have a good RL network.

@furbys, well done for asserting your self-respect and for not taking the bait when he lashed out with pathetic threats like a cornered schoolyard bully.

He clearly felt entitled and overconfident that he could keep up his double life with a Wife and family plus a Girlfriend. Watching you giving 1000% to him and the children while he robbed your consent and sneaked around making memories with OW shows just how morally bankrupt he really is. He must be furious that his illicit set-up has been rumbled.

I’ve just now seen your update re his involvement with OW during the baby’s time in SCBU. What scum he is, cheating during your pregnancy and risking your and the baby’s health in utero, and then defiling your experience from the birth and afterward. He’s a terrible father.

@furbys, I know you’re gutted, but you were smart to confront and send him away without engaging in his vicious goading. He is not a good man, and does not have your or the children’s well-being at heart.

Surround yourself with the support of loved ones, and consult a solicitor for legal/financial advice. Access IC if you think that support would benefit you as you move forward.

So glad you have family and friend support - this will make ALL the difference in the world. I am so sorry this has happened but you are being amazing OP.

Well done for being strong op. It must be so very hard but it’s the right thing to do.
And yes, his reaction is doing you a favour in the long run. He might yet become a sobbing mess, begging for you back, but now you know his initial reaction, you can be stronger if he does plead.