Dp said this / kids bathing

[Etlas79]

Looking for some opinions on this

the dc ages 5 & 6 both shower once a day. Dp would like them to shower twice a day. I showered them yesterday evening, fresh clothes and haven’t left the house since. It’s 2pm and we are heading out to take them swimming, I was going to shower them this morning but instead just did the usual brush teeth and wash faces as they are going to be showering after swimming anyway. I don’t see the point showering them now then again in 3 hours.

dp has got very annoyed about this, even though I tried to explain why. He told me ‘you’re just a dirty white woman with no culture or tradition’ … basically calling me dirty for not showering them this morning.

Is this dirty? How often do you shower your dc? Considering mine are still so young and we haven’t left the house since they showered last night, I just didn’t see the point when they will shower after swimming again? Should I be showering them twice a day?

obviously what dp has said has upset me too

well we wash every time we go to the loo with a water hose attachment.

This.

How sad.

The children are always showered/rinsed in the swimming showers before they enter the swimming pool (it’s a rule of our leisure centre)

Absolutely this.

rubbish. those kids would rarely be bathed at all. it was normal when i was a child to have a bath once a week on a sunday. Wash every morning at the sink top and tail. We always were well turned out and not grubby at all.

I didn’t get that at all- I assumed OP meant that she doesn’t want to go through the faff of undressing and dressing at home for a shower.

a quick shower while in swimsuit before going into the pool is pretty standard- I don’t think anyone wants to avoid that ( and OP is not saying that at all)

But even if they did, a 5 year old who had a shower the evening before ( and hasn’t left the house) is not going to be ‘dirty’

Excessive showering is bad for your skin and in a cold climate like the UK it's totally unnecessary.

He is being ridiculous! I shower or bath my DC once a day unless we have been somewhere dirty.

If you had gone out this morning without showering them (instead of afternoon) would he be ok with that? If yes then there is no difference.

This, with bells on.

OP, do you need to contact Women’s Aid? He sounds controlling and emotionally abusive.

The number of showers your children have in a 24 hour period is of literally no importance whatsoever when compared with living in a household where their father looks down on their mother for her race and culture. This isn't a throwaway remark based on different views about bathing children it's what he feels about you and your culture deep down, and the mask has slipped. I bet now its started it won't be the last time either if you let it go unchecked. You need to talk about that comment OP, long and serious, without being sidetracked into arguing about showers.

To answer your question, my two aged 6 and 2 have baths twice or 3 times a week!!! And a good wash the rest of the time. Your DH is batshit.

Why are you thinking you are dirty and need to wash more just because he says so? He is abusing you.

I don't know any kids that routinely shower daily.

You have bigger issues than how often your children shower. Your husband is a racist with zero respect for you or you're culture, is this what you want your kids to learn growing up.

Your DH sounds absolutely vile. Obviously you were clean enough for him to make babies with. Sounds like he needs therapy to be honest. Showering the kids twice daily would be batshit (unless the odd occasion when a specific reason calls for it). My toddler only gets bathed once every 2-3 days in winter and every 1-2 days in summer.

He is abusive op, please don't accept this treatment.

'Um I bath mine every 2/3 days unless they're really dirty. Kids don't sweat like adults do. He sounds unhinged and is going to give them issues too'

It isn't about sweat or dirt though is it, kids are notorious for being terrible bum wipers so they need daily showers for that reason alone.

Well he sounds like a racist prick.. is he always so unpleasant?

Kids don't need to shower twice a day! Mine has a bath every day but well aware many don't

You’re husband needs help not you.

Showering once a day in a country like Uk is more than enough and for 5-6 year olds you could get away with showering once every couple of days.
You can give them a quick bum wash if he’s worried about the down below hygiene but showering once a day should be more than enough to be honest.

It is winter and anyway children that age don’t sweat… I know I’m stating the obvious here.

Showering twice a day washes off all the essential oils and friendly bacteria on the skin that helps us stay healthy.

His racism is something else though.
I personally wouldn’t be able to live with anyone who talks to me like this.

I don't think you need anyone else to tell you that your kids are clean. Showering once a day, plus after sports or if they get muddy, is plenty. Any more on a daily basis and you run the risk of dry skin or their own MH issues if they begin to think that is normal and expect it of their friends and future partners. You could find yourself unintentionally setting unrealistic and undesirable expectations for other people.

I think the much (MUCH) bigger issue is that your DH refers to you as dirty and specifically that this is linked to your ethnicity. Can you even imagine if someone came on here and said their DH or boyfriend had referred to them as a dirty black woman???

And you say that the whole family changes from outdoor clothes to indoor clothes as soon as they get home? Can I ask if this was something you did before you met your DH, or if it was a mutual decision, or if this is something your DH required from you and your children. I have no problem with this in principle, and my own family always change out of our suits or school uniforms when we get home, but that is for comfort. Do you do this for comfort or is this also an aspect of your DH's seemingly obsessive cleanliness?

I hate to say this because you see it too often on MN, but I think you need to look very carefully at your relationship with your DH and ensure that there are appropriate levels of respect and no unhealthy pressure on you or your DCs.

Even daily at that age is bad both for their skin and, above all, hair.

Well they aren't in Africa in bloody 45 degree heat are they? It's about 5 degrees and freezing!

Three parts to this... all of which he needs to take responsibility for and address..
His OCD..

Imposing unrealistic habits onto his children
How he treats you

Objectively:
Excessive washing strips the skin and the body of essential bacteria and oils.

Using anything other than water introduces unnecessary elements that can impact the body. Basic vegetable based soaps are OK on the feet, groin and armpits .. care should be taken when choosing shampoo, conditioner and moisturisers.

Not only is excessive washing damaging to our bodies.. it is also damaging to the soil and the water, which eventually find their way into our food and hence our bodies from the inside. Water waste, plastic from bottles and chemicals from the products.. all bad news.

Children do not need to shower every day once they are out of nappies.. they need to wash their hands and faces when they are dirty, hands after using the bathroom and before eating.... anything more is excessive.

It's not great for skin health to wash so frequently, especially in young children. I would not be happy at all if my DH called me a dirty white woman.

And millions more have no shortage of water and wash twice. Your point is?

There had to be one.

Controlling ✔️
Emotionally abusive ✔️
Racist ✔️
Sounds like a great life partner, not! You and your children deserve better.