Dp said this / kids bathing

[Etlas79]

Looking for some opinions on this

the dc ages 5 & 6 both shower once a day. Dp would like them to shower twice a day. I showered them yesterday evening, fresh clothes and haven’t left the house since. It’s 2pm and we are heading out to take them swimming, I was going to shower them this morning but instead just did the usual brush teeth and wash faces as they are going to be showering after swimming anyway. I don’t see the point showering them now then again in 3 hours.

dp has got very annoyed about this, even though I tried to explain why. He told me ‘you’re just a dirty white woman with no culture or tradition’ … basically calling me dirty for not showering them this morning.

Is this dirty? How often do you shower your dc? Considering mine are still so young and we haven’t left the house since they showered last night, I just didn’t see the point when they will shower after swimming again? Should I be showering them twice a day?

obviously what dp has said has upset me too

@KnittingKnewbie

Once a week is not enough, not even for a 6 year old. They don't sweat like adults, but they do still sweat & dribble when weeing, leave bits of poo residue etc.

@Etlas79 if a bloke called me a 'dirty white woman'. He'd be gone.

not to mention the 🐂 💩 about culture.

once a day for small children is plenty. I'd flannel wash faces & bottoms before putting nightwear on them

What the?????

The response to an unpleasant, bullying husband calling you dirty is to stand up for yourself and tell him not to be so rude to you.

It is absolutely not trying to make yourself cleaner!

Why do you accept the demeaning things he says to you?

Loungewear is fine and if I want to change out of w clothes it’s into lounge wear.
Key word being "want". Doesn't sound like OP or her DC's wants come into it. It's a requirement based on perceived dirt not comfort.

@Xis

As running water is far from universal across Africa, not even the countries with higher gdp, I'm guessing that only the most privileged are showering twice a day. I have friends from both east and west Africa who come from villages with just a central charity funded well. My friends in South African get their water turned off regularly despite being wealthy. Just like in all parts of the world, some people can afford different habits but unnecessarily showering twice a day in a cold climate is not normal

There's no way I'd be battling kids that age into a bath/shower twice a day. That's utter lunacy. They don't even get BO. My dd 5 baths/showers at least 2-3 times a week or more if she's done something messy or requests it. Regardless of how often I believed was appropriate I'd definitely be telling my DH where to shove it if he talked to me like this!

Your DP sounds bonkers and abusive OP. Please address this assertively and nip it in the bud one way or another before your kids are affected

Maybe he wants them to have terrible skin? There is zero need to shower eve once every day even unless you have a physical job that makes you sweat or gets you dirty.
I sometimes wonder if the obsession some people have with showering every day regardless, often using all sorts of aggressive soaps and then deodorants/anti perspirants, is responsible for the increase in skin problems- and worse. It will certainly strip off all the oils your skin produces to protect itself. But worse, surely some of those chemicals will get into the pores of your skin? And maybe further? And we have lymph glands in areas where those chemicals get rubbed in too.

Every day is ridiculous at that age. 2-3 times a week is completely normal unless they end up particularly dirty.

Does he usually speak to you so disrespectfully? Sounds like he is the problem, not you! I think one shower a day is fine for a 5 & 6 year old.

I don't shower my kids every day. In fact at Primary age I had a non-negotiable rule of everyone has a bath/shower on Sunday and then just muddled through the week with some of them swimming/getting muddy/choosing to shower/needing a hair wash ..... with four kids, I can't promise you they all managed more than once a week every single week, but they absolutely definitely did have a bath every Sunday! With swimming/mud/wanting to/messy hair etc I would say they mostly got 2 or 3 baths/showers a week.

Your DH is both wrong and rude.

Biggest issue here is what he called you, I'd say...

It’s grim to not shower before swimming. Other people don’t want to be swimming in other people’s muck, that’s why all swimming pools ask you to shower.

Also for everyone saying their kids only wash/washed a few times a week I remember at primary school there were kids who proudly said this and you could always tell. They often had a weird smell or looked grubby. You can tell when people, even kids, haven’t washed.

@Etlas79 I'd be looking at divorce...He sounds cruel and unreasonable.
Normally, children certainly don't need a bath or shower twice a day, that's just so bad for their skin.
The only reason they might need more than one bath or shower is if they are not toilet trained or in nappies.

He sounds a beastly bully.

I bath mine on a Sunday and occasionally more. Wash faces hands extra more often. Generations survived on a weekly bath and we don’t have hot water on tap atm.

my kids are bathed every 3 days unless especially dirty :S hair washed once a week ....

Sounds like he’s a racist and abusive.

The ‘dirty’ slur seems to have been levelled at every race regardless of actual cleaning habits for millennia. Vikings used to slag off Anglo Saxons etc etc.

it’s not great for kids skin to wash every day. It’s freezing cold outside, so they aren’t getting smelly.

Very rude, out of order and also not very sane-sounding.

Once a week was normal when I was a child in the 80s and 90s, as heating enough water for baths with an immersion heater is expensive and we didn't have a shower.

My DC...hard to persuade into a bath, refuse showers, but we manage twice weekly.

I don't think it's healthy to wash daily, surely? At least, not with soaps, shampoos etc., maybe just water is ok?

also yes how he speaks to you is Alarming, very alarming. bathing them only once a day isnt going to harm them.. what is he expecting the dirt to do?? It wont kill them to have a bit of dirt on them for a day or two like what???

All of this

Which is why they have showers before entering surely?

and I couldn’t get upset about swimming in chlorinated water with 5 year olds who’d had a bath less than 24 hours ago…( unless they’d shit themselves )

He’s abusive and controlling, and he’s racist.

Not only that, his fucked up thoughts on cleanliness has damaged you to the point you have said you want to be ‘extra clean’ as a New Year’s resolution.

Do not let this awful man damage you or your children further.

Your DP may have ODC but that doesn't give him the right to abuse you.

I wouldn't stay with someone who said such shocking things, designed to hurt me. It's lacking any respect or love.

If they've used the toilet (poo) they should of course shower before using a communal swimming pool.

That's what I don't get about these "I only shower once every few days" people; don't you move your bowels? How many nasty flannels pile up if you try to rectify that at the sink rather than just hopping into the shower?

@Lemonfoxtrot I may be wrong but to me it sounds like OP doesn’t make her children use those showers though, as she says she doesn’t see the need for them to shower before swimming.

I understand that, but we are not living in Africa nor has he ever lived in Africa so that can’t be the explanation for this. It’s also not a practice of any of his family members so it can’t be a traditional thing. Adults I completely understand if they want to shower twice daily, but a 5&6 year old who haven’t left the house/done anything sweaty and are still fresh in clean clothes to be showered and then again 3 hours later just seems a little silly to me