Dp said this / kids bathing

[Etlas79]

Looking for some opinions on this

the dc ages 5 & 6 both shower once a day. Dp would like them to shower twice a day. I showered them yesterday evening, fresh clothes and haven’t left the house since. It’s 2pm and we are heading out to take them swimming, I was going to shower them this morning but instead just did the usual brush teeth and wash faces as they are going to be showering after swimming anyway. I don’t see the point showering them now then again in 3 hours.

dp has got very annoyed about this, even though I tried to explain why. He told me ‘you’re just a dirty white woman with no culture or tradition’ … basically calling me dirty for not showering them this morning.

Is this dirty? How often do you shower your dc? Considering mine are still so young and we haven’t left the house since they showered last night, I just didn’t see the point when they will shower after swimming again? Should I be showering them twice a day?

obviously what dp has said has upset me too

I remember when it was perfectly normal for kids to only have a bath once a week.

FFS why are so many women marrying and staying with these assholes? How dare he speak to you that way. Never mind the cleanliness thing, you do not deserve to be treated to/ spoken to like this. Ever.

My children have always only showered or bathed every other day until they got to about 8/9 when the hormones are kicking in and they get a bit stinky/frowzy and needed deodorant too (girls, I am led to believe that this happens later in boys). And that's when they're at school... sometimes in the holidays they go longer. Your partner sounds a) like he's got a problem around cleanliness and b) bigoted.

First: you are not dirty.

Second: he is a disgusting abuser and an arsehole.

Tell him on my behalf he is just another weak men that has not respect for the person he should be loving the most.

Bin him if you can.

I meant - as I'm sure you're aware - that power resides in the individuals who belong to the group which has power. Power doesn't just... float in the air around 'the institution' - it's transferred to (and enacted by) individuals, whether they like it or not.

Without a specific word for racism towards the weaker group by the powerful group, we have no word for, erm, racism by ...etc.

Which suits you fine, I guess?

This isn’t a culture thing - despite him bringing race and culture into it.

he has been raised in the uk and is not cultural at all, very much standard British following typical British values - there is no difference culturally between me and him (although he is African).

I was born and raised in the UK, but I still have my culture.

I'm very British in everyday life and so much the same things as my white friends.. we have similar conversations about our kids and husband's... but I'm different to them, because I have roots elsewhere.

Just because he was born and raised here, doesn't mean he sees himself just like you.

The mere fact that he will be treated and viewed differently by others in sight is enough that he isn't the same and at best, has 2 cultures.

I meant - as I'm sure you're aware - that power resides in the individuals who belong to the group which has power.

I know what you meant, I just don’t agree with it.
In OP‘s case she would be „the individual who belongs to the group which has power“.
How exactly does it help her in the situation with her husband? How does it make her husband calling her a dirty white woman less of a racial issue?
Do you get the feeling her husband considers himself as part of „the weaker group“?
„Racism = prejudice + power“ is a definition upheld by some people, not sure it’s generally accepted though.

Why don't you go off and create your own thread about systemic racism if that's what you want to discuss instead of trying to downplay, or in fact downright deny, that the behaviour by the OP's husband was racist ?

Very well said, BethDuttonsTwin

MN isn't really a good place to discuss the horrors of racism anyway, but it does tend to get frustrating when folk pile on with their preferred pet theory in the expectation that everyone else must go along with it

Nothing wrong with an opinion, but overall I've always found it better to call out ANY racism, even if it inconveniently involves people of colour

Children do not need showering that often. I think your husband needs to address the feelings of uncleanliness and ocd behaviours with a therapist and keep his nose out of your parenting.

He'd soon change his tune if he had to do all the showering.

Gross - he sounds racist. What are his good qualities. Your poor children are going to learn from him and think is a normal way to behave/speak. Awful.

You married a bully.

Ask him why he doesn't shower the kids himself if it is so important?

With that said, i also think you are downplaying cultural differences regardless of him being raised in the UK and however British he may come across.
The washing twice a week or so some mention on here would not fly in many households i know.

Assuming they wash their hands regularly, there is no need to shower daily. Once or twice a week is more than enough.

Bath before bedtime was the ritual I used, followed by light supper and a story. Every day unless we were staying with someone when it obviously was not viable. It was a routine everyone I knew used. Once or twice a week for a shower is not often enough. A shower tends to wake you up, so is a morning thing, I think. But the OP's DH has other issues that lie beyond this showering business, and these need addressing.