Dp said this / kids bathing

[Etlas79]

Looking for some opinions on this

the dc ages 5 & 6 both shower once a day. Dp would like them to shower twice a day. I showered them yesterday evening, fresh clothes and haven’t left the house since. It’s 2pm and we are heading out to take them swimming, I was going to shower them this morning but instead just did the usual brush teeth and wash faces as they are going to be showering after swimming anyway. I don’t see the point showering them now then again in 3 hours.

dp has got very annoyed about this, even though I tried to explain why. He told me ‘you’re just a dirty white woman with no culture or tradition’ … basically calling me dirty for not showering them this morning.

Is this dirty? How often do you shower your dc? Considering mine are still so young and we haven’t left the house since they showered last night, I just didn’t see the point when they will shower after swimming again? Should I be showering them twice a day?

obviously what dp has said has upset me too

My DS was bathed every evening when he was small. As he got older it was a shower each day.

Neither your DC nor you are dirty. He is abusive and using this as a stick to best you with.

So he’s misogynistic and racist. Wow.

Children do NOT need washing that much and his attitude to dealing with it stinks even more.

when we are home we ALL only wear home clothes eg pyjamas, we change the moment we come through the door - that doesn’t bother me
It would bother me. That's setting the DC up for their own future obsessiveness thinking that normal clothes are dirty and that changing as soon as you get home is a necessity.

What about guests or when you are guests in someone else's home?

he also sounds horribly
controlling!

It's January, it's cold wet and miserable. Only the really dedicated are doing anything to come close to working up a sweat.
He's a ridiculous bully.

I am really not interested in the showering aspect at all. I am interested in the fact that this is a horribly abusive man and many people seem hell bent on ignoring that fact.

Agreed.

Wait… he calls you dirty? Honey, your New Year’s resolution should be to stop getting treated like trash by your children’s father. If he thinks you’re dirty he can fuck off and not fuck your kids up either.

my usual question really.....why do you stay?

My DNephew (5) was bathed every day until recently. I then noticed he was getting a slight sort of rash on his legs - he uses natural products anyway. He now has a bath 2-3 times a week and a shower in the morning and one if he’s really dirty (sports, playing) in the evening and a bum and front downstairs area and face and arms if needed in mornings. His legs have cleared up with the rash now.

If your DH calls you dirty and insinuates your kids are dirty by how you wash them then that’s abusive and unless he changed I’d look at leaving him.

You and your children deserve better, OP. Your partner is an abusive racist asshole.

Racist prick.

Imagine your children hearing him being so disrespectful to you and so derogatory about your race.
sorry to say but if my dh spoke to me like that I’d be looking for a way out.

Yes, this.

Your husband is abusive and, I suspect, a hypocrite in that I can very well imagine how he would react if you used his exact words back him but switched "white woman" for "black man". Ask him. See whether he'd think that was an acceptable way for you to speak to him.

Also ask him whether he'd be embarrassed for, say, his work colleagues or other people he respects to overhear him speaking to you like that. Let him think about that. If he says not, offer to record him and test the theory.

Did your children hear him speaking to you like that? What do you think their father's contemptuous disrespect for their mother is teaching them?

You've got some serious choices to make.

Racist and abusive apart from his ocd on cleanliness.

I think you need to think about your future

Home clothes or comfies are common in some cultures but you don’t need to put pyjamas on. Loungewear is fine and if I want to change out of w clothes it’s into lounge wear.

Mine shower about once a week or extra as needed and they are fine. They are prepuberty kids!

I can see some cultures where - due to local climate and weather conditions - showering twice a day might be appropriate.

Not in the UK.

Also, he's a twat.

Agree with pp. Outrageous comments re both dirty and "white".

You aren't dirty and neither are your children.

My children have a bath once or twice a week. More if they happen to get muddy. They wash their hands after coming into the house and using the toilet. They are 5 and 3. By the way I don't use shampoo on their hair and it smells beautiful. They smell beautiful. Yep, we're white 😬

I'm not sure what culture your dh is from, and I mean this in a very respectful way (though the respect doesn't sound reciprocated), but is he from a very hot country that might make a person a bit sweatier that might need daily showers? Even if so, twice a day is a bit much, especially for pre pubescent children.

Your husband is abusive. Leave him

He has fairly extreme ocd and needs to see a psychiatrist! His use of race is completely unacceptable, imagine if it was the other way around?

If he isn't willing to get help for his psychological problems then you need to leave - bringing children up in such an environment will give them mental health problems.

Nothing wrong with removing shoes at the door, but changing clothes is plain bizarre

You are used to him calling you “dirty” 😳 this man sounds absolutely vile and if he can think nothing of saying this about you and his children then I’d be leaving that useless sack of DNA

He’s racist

• I’m very upset at the comments he made. I’m quite used to him calling me dirty, it’s causing me one issues actually - I even put a new goal on my New Year’s resolution to be extra clean! I’m very clean myself but he has just made me feel bad with his comments.

I think it’s horrible that he’s picked on my skin colour like that, I would never do that to him.*

That's abuse. Your partner is emotionally abusing you and your New Year's resolution should be to leave and find someone who builds you up, not tears you down. You deserve love and respect and not to be insulted in your own home.

But to answer your question - every 2-3 days until puberty and then every 1-2 days depending if they are sweaty/greasy etc.

If he thinks that you're dirty, he won't be wanting to have sex with you, will he?
Honestly op , his comments are so awful, you really need to reevaluate your marriage.

You are excusing his abuse and racism OP.
He is looking down on you and your children and you just blame yourself....