Dp said this / kids bathing

[Etlas79]

Looking for some opinions on this

the dc ages 5 & 6 both shower once a day. Dp would like them to shower twice a day. I showered them yesterday evening, fresh clothes and haven’t left the house since. It’s 2pm and we are heading out to take them swimming, I was going to shower them this morning but instead just did the usual brush teeth and wash faces as they are going to be showering after swimming anyway. I don’t see the point showering them now then again in 3 hours.

dp has got very annoyed about this, even though I tried to explain why. He told me ‘you’re just a dirty white woman with no culture or tradition’ … basically calling me dirty for not showering them this morning.

Is this dirty? How often do you shower your dc? Considering mine are still so young and we haven’t left the house since they showered last night, I just didn’t see the point when they will shower after swimming again? Should I be showering them twice a day?

obviously what dp has said has upset me too

He's racist. That's what needs addressing here. How dare he attack your culture, colour, which by extension is shared with his kids. He needs some radical help/ therapy to deal with his racism, and hateful beliefs/ attitudes to other races/ skin colours or your family is in for a rough rough ride.

The cleanliness thing is by no means the issue here.

So he’s racist, bullying, antagonistic, belittling and is pushing his ocd issues into you and your children - and to
counter this your solution is to go along with it more as a New Year’s resolution.

By going along with it you are setting an example to your children that this behaviour is normal and fine. You are passing his OCD habits onto them.

He needs to realise this is a ‘him’ issue and get help with it as it’s impacting his relationship with you and children.

Would you be more angry if he told the children they were dirty whites? If he’s racist and belittling to them will the anger come to make you realise this is not a healthy relationship?

You don’t sound angry enough OP.

Imagine if the roles were reversed and it was a white man calling his non-white wife by her skin colour.

So deeply offensive. You deserve better.

And btw kids that young don’t need to shower even daily.

Racist prick.

For goodness sake op. The response to your husband calling you dirty is not to think that you should wash more, it's to take steps to get your kids and leave him.

For most adults once a day is enough! So for two little’uns it’s more than enough! It does sound like your partner has some cleanliness issues if he thinks they should be showering twice a day.

Your children are not dirty.
bathing is about balance. Too little or too much can cause skin problems .

your husband is awful.

Your husband is a racist twat who has no respect for you.

Is he as obsessive about the house? Does he help keep things to his standard? If not then he is just a bully... ocd or not.

Absolutely this. It's not normal behaviour.

You are not dirty, your children are not dirty, your children are half white though and hearing him racially abuse their mother is not ok even if it is because of OCD, it is never ok.
Please have a long hard think about how life would be without and abusive partner, you and your children deserve better.

Strangely, millions of people from hot countries barely have enough water to drink, let alone shower twice a day.

Dirty white woman?

dirty racist prick

OP your husband is a RACIST! He will destroy your children's wellbeing and confidence just as he is already destroying yours.

If you cannot assess how deranged his attitude is, he has already started work on undermining you.
Get your ducks in a row because this will not end well. You need to get ANGRY on behalf of your children and protect their MH.

What do your parents/siblings say to this abuse of you?

You are not dirty, your children are not dirty.
Please don't let you bully of a husband make you think otherwise.
Please read all the responses to this thread.

He's really quite ignorant. Little kids should only shower/bathe 2-3 times a week. Most people shower their kids far too often as it is.

I’m quite used to him calling me dirty

Fucking hell.

Do you really want your kids growing up around a man who behaves like this?

He's already made you paranoid and scared about hygiene and now he's also imposing this on his kids. He's got an irrational obsession and he's using it to control and abuse you. He's a fucking horror of a man.

Not necessarily mh, could be cultural. In quite a few African countries you're basically a dirty skank if you don't wash morning and evening.

As a westerner I think daily is fine.

And millions more have no shortage of water and wash twice. Your point is?

The way he speaks to you is completely unacceptable. If you said something like that to him, he'd be up in arms.

Every day is absolutely fine - I'm not sure why people think it's OK to rarely wash their children, though. Having said that, that isn't the issue with him - his total lack of respect is what's most concerning.

Never mind the childrens showers, your husband sounds like a nasty racist bastard that needs washing away himself.

He can have 100's showers a day, he is still dirty inside, and racist.He sounds vile, just run and take the kids.

There was a tale of when American airmen newly arrived in England during the 2nd WW years.....
The poor chaps started suffering from unexplained skin rashes because they were showering twice daily and completely stripping their skins of any protection in our colder weather....

In hot countries your skin oils up more, so may warrant x2 daily showers but not here. And especially when going into Chlorine... they'll shower briefly prior anyway and a foot dip surely....

I am regularly surprised on here at how many women live with men who shower no more than weekly, don't change their underwear etc. I consider myself to be pretty hygienic and I like a daily bath/shower for all members of the family.

twice a day on the other hand is batshit and is starting to drift into OCD territory.

Regularly calling you dirty if you are washing regularly is also not okay but I appreciate everyone has different levels of what is acceptable (as per the first paragraph of my post).

Imagine if you called him the equivalent, that certainly wouldnt go down well 🙄Dirty brown/ black man is no different than what he said