Dp said this / kids bathing

[Etlas79]

Looking for some opinions on this

the dc ages 5 & 6 both shower once a day. Dp would like them to shower twice a day. I showered them yesterday evening, fresh clothes and haven’t left the house since. It’s 2pm and we are heading out to take them swimming, I was going to shower them this morning but instead just did the usual brush teeth and wash faces as they are going to be showering after swimming anyway. I don’t see the point showering them now then again in 3 hours.

dp has got very annoyed about this, even though I tried to explain why. He told me ‘you’re just a dirty white woman with no culture or tradition’ … basically calling me dirty for not showering them this morning.

Is this dirty? How often do you shower your dc? Considering mine are still so young and we haven’t left the house since they showered last night, I just didn’t see the point when they will shower after swimming again? Should I be showering them twice a day?

obviously what dp has said has upset me too

I am fascinated by people like this - how do they cope with having sex? - that's pretty messy - very nice of course, but definitely a messy business!

I am deeply unimpressed by the way he has spoken to you - that is absolutely unacceptable.

Some cultures do have more rigid views about washing. Often from warmer countries where sweat etc would be more of a issue. When I lived in Hong Kong I often showered at least twice a day for this reason. Here in Scotland my kids generally get bathed twice a week unless they need washed due to being extra hot/dirty/caked in food.

There is no 'right' way but some understanding from each others perspective and not being so rigid (him) would be better.

Your husband is a massive racist, and unhinged about cleanliness. I’m an adult and shower daily. Kids can get away with once a week!

Twice a day is absurd.

But I wouldn’t even bother with that bit because, as I say, your husband is a blatant racist.

Cannot believe that people are not more outraged at how he spoke you! No fucking prick of a man would speak to me this way and if he dared to he would be an ex.

Oh fucking hell @Etlas79 .... You need to leave this man.
God, sometimes I can't believe what I read on here.

You sound like a completely normal and lovely mum.

Please don't let him wear you down with his bat shit opinions - I'd leave asap to avoid both you, and your children being affected by this arsehole.

Children that age absolutely don't need to bathe or shower twice a day. Extra spot cleaning may be necessary for dirty faces, hands, feet, etc., but not a full shower.

The bigger issue is that he apparently makes a habit of saying you're dirty when it sounds like that's simply not true. Linking your 'dirtiness' to your race is especially disgusting. Seriously reconsider your relationship with this man. He doesn't sound respectful of you, much less loving, and your children are growing up to think this is normal, for a man to treat his partner with disrespect and distaste.

This is nothing to do with how often your children shower —- it’s about your husband exerting control and his abuse of you.
His comments to you are horrible — he’s supposed to love you.
His racist remarks are not only hurtful for you, they will affect your children too.
Keep a record of his behaviour, film or audio record him if possible as you start getting your ducks in a row.

This isn’t a culture thing - despite him bringing race and culture into it.

he has been raised in the uk and is not cultural at all, very much standard British following typical British values - there is no difference culturally between me and him (although he is African).

it is due to his extreme views on cleanliness, being slightly ocd and also wanting something to pick at on me.

when we are home we ALL only wear home clothes eg pyjamas, we change the moment we come through the door - that doesn’t bother me

We dont comment about people being smelly / dirty because they wipe their arse with one hand and eat with the other because we aren't racist.

Call him out on his racism!

There is no 'right' way but some understanding from each others perspective and not being so rigid (him) would be better.

I don't think any "understanding of each other's perspective" is required to work out calling the OP "a dirty white woman with no culture or tradition" is unequivocally and undeniably racist , bullying and wrong.

Don’t let your abusive husband inflict his cleanliness batshittery on your children. They do NOT need two showers a day. He’s a lunatic and should sort out his own issues.

The way he spoke to you is disgusting. It doesn’t sound like he respects you at all. Please get support and please don’t make it your NY Resolution to ‘be cleaner’. You’re fine. It’s him who has the problem.

Once a day is fine. Your husband sounds like a twat.

This. I cannot understand why anyone is engaging about showering nonsense - he is an abusive male and THIS is the problem.

It's unhealthy to shower that much, your washing away their natural oils. You'll give them skin problems

your issue is that your husband is a racist prick.

It’s normal in the part of Africa I’m originally from for younger children (primary school age) to shower twice daily. Probably on account of the heat and regular robust outdoor play. A morning shower wakes you up and freshens you up for the day ahead. An evening shower washes away the dirt of the day and helps you prepare mentally for bed. Some adults also shower twice daily too.

So?

The OP as far as we know is in the UK - in January.

Yes, in summer it occasionally gets hot enough to warrant a shower more than once a day but otherwise so what?

This.

My DD has always showered/bathed once a day. She always played hard at school and when she was at home. We lived in a warm climate as well. So she always had an evening bath. Growing up I bathed once a day but always washed up in the morning. Now i shower twice a day, but I don't think children ever need to regularly bathe twice a day.

How often do they wash their hair?

You read the OP and THAT is your response? FFS.

DewHopperDewHopper · Today 17:33

Xis · Today 17:33

It’s normal in the part of Africa I’m originally from for younger children (primary school age) to shower twice daily. Probably on account of the heat and regular robust outdoor play. A morning shower wakes you up and freshens you up for the day ahead. An evening shower washes away the dirt of the day and helps you prepare mentally for bed. Some adults also shower twice daily too.

So?

So, showering twice daily doesn’t indicate OCD or some other unhealthy obsession. I think people with OCD shower a lot more actually. It’s just a different cultural norm. It may not be necessary in a different location, with a different lifestyle but that doesn’t make it intrinsically abnormal. It’s just a different way of doing things.

His attitude is ridiculous, before we even get to the verbal abuse.

He would HATE having my DS as a son. His eczema breaks out so badly if he has more than 2 showers a week. The kid would be in constant pain on1 shower a day, never mind 2!

It's incredibly sad that your New Years Resolution is based off your insecurities thanks to his bullying.

You'd be better off getting yourself and your kids away from him, IMO. He is going to ruin their self esteem, too.

This is the problem with marrying from another culture. He is an asshole as he didn't have to talk to you like that. Does he usually talk to you like that?. Why can't he bathe them. 2 tines a day is too much. I wouldn't shower before swimming.

Same here! Excessive washing is actually really bad for skin and hair!
Unless they are hugely sweating which they won’t be at this age this is totally ridiculous - and even if he disagreed with you that is an unacceptable way of speaking to you. Watch out OP, I think this is symptomatic of wider issues in your relationship (ie lack of respect for you)