Dp said this / kids bathing

[Etlas79]

Looking for some opinions on this

the dc ages 5 & 6 both shower once a day. Dp would like them to shower twice a day. I showered them yesterday evening, fresh clothes and haven’t left the house since. It’s 2pm and we are heading out to take them swimming, I was going to shower them this morning but instead just did the usual brush teeth and wash faces as they are going to be showering after swimming anyway. I don’t see the point showering them now then again in 3 hours.

dp has got very annoyed about this, even though I tried to explain why. He told me ‘you’re just a dirty white woman with no culture or tradition’ … basically calling me dirty for not showering them this morning.

Is this dirty? How often do you shower your dc? Considering mine are still so young and we haven’t left the house since they showered last night, I just didn’t see the point when they will shower after swimming again? Should I be showering them twice a day?

obviously what dp has said has upset me too

Washing too often is bad for children’s skin, I don’t even think daily is necessary at that age (probably not till high school).

horrible the way he spoke to you

Your husband is a dick, and he's wrong.

Children don't need showering anywhere near that often. It dries their skin out anyway.

Don't let the racist bully speak to you like that!

The language isn't acceptable but there are also Eastern European countries where the culture is to shower twice a day, morning and night. They see it similarly to how you brush your teeth morning and night. Going to bed you want your bed to be cleaner rather than taking all the dirt on your skin from the day into it, waking up you want to wash off all the dead skin cells (and any sweat etc) from you and your partner before you start the day.

Many cultures also have a habit of changing clothes when they come home so they have clothes they wear in the house and clothes they wear outside the home, and it's not hygienic to mix them up. Shoes are also always outside.

If he’s like this now how bad will he be when your dc reach puberty and are giving off all sorts of smells?

Young children don’t need showers twice a day or even once a day unless they have been outside rolling in mud or are covered in paint.

He’s a racist controlling prick and will only get worse when you allow him to continue being a bully.

Are they his dc?
My ds showers after football training or a game so 6 days a week.

Nope, kids don't need to shower daily, let alone twice a day!

His words to you are disgusting and abusive. Please look after yourself and perhaps safely remove yourself from this relationship. You deserve better.

Ha yes but to say... dirty brown man would be a "hurty word" hate crime .....NO?

I couldn't shower DD more than twice a week due to her eczema. Water dries kids skins out so much, they really don't need showering even once a day let alone twice.

He's nasty and abusive. If he has an issue with how often the Dc are showered, he needs to talk to you nicely about it, not talk to you like this.

Op, he shouldn't be regularly calling you dirty just because he has weird ideas about how often to shower. That's totally unacceptable.

Are you ok? What do you want To do?

I'd have had an issue with dh even having an opinion about whether the dc needed a shower or not unless they stank and I was neglecting them.

If my DH called me a dirty woman, he'd only do it once or have a case for divorce filed.

@Etlas79 your post is concerning on many levels.

What a cuntish thing to say, regardless of the cause or reason.

That would be enough for me to reconsider my entire relationship.

Children that age don’t even need to shower daily! They don’t sweat and a quick wipe down with a flannel is perfectly acceptable as and when it’s needed and then a shower or bath every 3 days. At that age I was given a weekly bath in a Sunday!

My kids are 5 & 7, they have a bath once a week

Sounds like he might be from a hot country where washing twice a day is the norm. Not necessary here.

But that aside, he sounds like an arsehole

He's really quite unpleasant (and wrong)

Does he belittle you in other ways?

My 7yr old bathes or showers twice a week and always after swimming. He's not rolling around in filth all day, it's totally unnecessary for him to insist on this and the poor kids will end with skin issues, they need their natural oils etc. does he bathe them himself?

This is abuse. If you can’t leave him for yourself then do it for your children.

You all deserve better than this scumbag.

Showering children aged 5 and 6 once per day is fine. The key thing is to use mild warm water (not too hot) and very mild soap or soap less wash liquid and that it is rinsed off. Assuming the children are not playing daily sport where they are likely to get extremely muddy and/or sticky or sweaty once per day is fine.
Arguably more than once per day is too much and may dry their skin out and cause other skin problems due to over washing.

The white woman comment is racist.

The "tradition" comment sounds like some kind of religion thing (not sure what) but even if it is I still stand by my above comments about over washing drying out young children's skin.

Bizarre.

The main thing in terms of the adult relationship between you and the father of your children is that it sounds like he is trying to shame you which is always a very very bad sign.

Showering twice in one day is definitely excessive for little kids, except in unusual circumstances (e.g. after a morning swimming lesson, and then needing to do it again after falling in mud later that day). I bathed mine every 2 or 3 days at that age. Washing too much actually dries their skin out.

I'm more concerned that he is racist and unkind! As well as giving your kids possible issues about cleanliness, he is also doing a very good job of showing them how NOT to talk to people. He sounds gross.

Racist pig, by allowing him to continue doing this, it is teaching your DC racism is ok.

I think the way your partner spoke to you is disgusting and totally inappropriate. I think showering once a day is fine for children so young. Also fine for adults too! Don't let your dp give you a complex. It sounds like he's talking demeaning rubbish.

You’re just a dirty white woman with no culture or tradition.

I’m quite used to him calling me dirty…

@Etlas79, your children are learning some very damaging lessons from this controlling, contemptuous racist who is imposing his compulsions onto them and is treating you like shit on his shoe.

His OCD and belittling have already seeped into your belief system, hence your resolution to be ‘extra clean.’

He has now allowed his mask to slip to reveal his racism. He will teach your children to despise that part of themselves.

Protect your little ones and yourself by leaving this abusive race-hater who is forcing his OCD manifestations and his cruelty onto you all.

Your DP is disgusting and your kids will pick up on the MH issues and the racism. What the fuck. I would not stay with him.

By the way, washing clean kids twice a day is insane, a total waste of time and water, and bad for them.

What's wrong with these women setting the bar so low for a spouse . What kind of man have you had children with , disgusting .
Have some self respect for goodness sake if not for your benefit then your children