Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help me to end things with this guy

203 replies

InAPickle12345 · 02/01/2024 12:48

Ugh, I just really don't want to face this and need some advice on how the end things.

Been seeing a guy since June. Things are casual, we go to events and dinners etc together but it's not serious, in my mind anyway. I hope it's the same for him.

The relationship is just kind of giving me the ick. I've another thread on here about his dog (love dogs but this one is badly behaved and treated like a child), sex isn't great and overall I just want to be on my own and this really came through over Xmas.

Unfortunately I made up some excuses about childcare and sickness to cancel any plans over Xmas and I'm just craving being on my own again. Don't want to have someone texting me every day or trying to make plans during my limited child free time.

But I want to finish this in a way that doesn't hurt him. He's very nice and heart in the right place, just not for me.

I have to meet him at some point as I've got a Xmas gift for him. Is it awful to give him his gift and finish with him at the same time? Is there a way I can phrase this that says 'it's not you, it's me and I'd like to just be friends'?

God I'm pathetic asking this on here but I just don't have the energy for this and need advice.

OP posts:
ArchetypalBusyMum · 02/01/2024 21:26

Perfect. You've both handled that respectfully and nicely. Can't ask for more than that. He even bowed out gracefully on a compliment. Now you can exchange gifts unambiguously which will make the giving a pleasure.
I think a final coffee is a worthy conclusion especially when you'll cross paths professionally.

BCBird · 02/01/2024 21:27

I was dumped by phone call after 2 and a h years for someone else. I thought my cowardly doing it thst way. It was such a shock to me. He was obviously prepared but I wasn't. With hindsight I am glad we didn't see each other face to face. It never easy to end a relationship OP. I think it needs to be done as nicely as possible

RedSquigglyLine · 02/01/2024 21:47

Aw, well done op! As a fellow people pleaser (working on this in therapy) I know how agonising it is to have to hurt someone.

I wrote a similar post on here just over a year ago. I agonised over the right way to do it, to find the best combination of words that would soften the blow. In the end, he nipped over to pick something up and sensed I was ‘off’ so we had the conversation there and then. Two weeks later he was shagging my (ex) best friend so I needn’t have worried about hurting him 🙂

Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 02/01/2024 21:58

Thank you all so much, I'm actually really relieved with how this panned out... with all of your help and patience with me and my overthinking! 🍷

And weirdly enough, I do think we could end up being friends down the line once there's some time and space given, he's a good man and we have a laugh together, I just know we won't be anything more than that and won't be talked out of it.

This was the message that he sent after my response and I've just said 'Sounds good, see you on the 10th'.

'Totally want to stay friendly, it’s not as if we killed each other 😀
Let’s do the 10th, we can grab a coffee and a chat and I can give you the few bits 😊'

OP posts:
Arrivederla · 03/01/2024 09:27

Well done op. You've done the right thing in the right way for you 🙂

ChodeOfChodHall · 03/01/2024 12:11

182 Days of Pickles

Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 03/01/2024 13:17

ChodeOfChodHall · 03/01/2024 12:11

182 Days of Pickles

??? 😂

OP posts:
ChodeOfChodHall · 03/01/2024 15:18

He will go on now and become an amazing award-winning architect. So uplifting.

Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 03/01/2024 15:46

ChodeOfChodHall · 03/01/2024 15:18

He will go on now and become an amazing award-winning architect. So uplifting.

What???

OP posts:
Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 03/01/2024 15:52

ChodeOfChodHall · 03/01/2024 15:48

Okay, I've never seen that movie I'm afraid 😅

OP posts:
ChodeOfChodHall · 03/01/2024 16:22

Recommend it to him. It might help, but it looks as if he may not need it.

OwlWeiwei · 03/01/2024 16:29

Getting dumped hurts. You can;t avoid hurting his feelings and crushing his hopes a bit.

All you can say is: I am really sorry but I have realised that this isn't right for me and I want to be single at the moment.

You could say, I really enjoyed spending time with you and I genuinely think you are a great person but for me, this isn't the relationship I am seeking for the long term and you deserve someone who really clicks with you.

Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 03/01/2024 16:32

ChodeOfChodHall · 03/01/2024 16:22

Recommend it to him. It might help, but it looks as if he may not need it.

I'm sorry, but I'm not understanding the reference to this movie at all, can you elaborate?

OP posts:
Needsomesupport84 · 03/01/2024 20:20

500 days of summer is about a woman who repeatedly tells a man that she doesn't want a long-term relationship but he is overly hopeful and thinks she will change her mind and convinces himself that it's true love. She dumps him and then gets engaged to someone else really soon, despite saying that she doesn't do commitment. It's quite a good film.

I would go for coffee with him. He sounds really nice and 6 months is quite a long time, especially if he was making plans, taking you to events and meeting his family. I'd be really gutted if it was me and I'd expect more than a text, even if a text was the first sign of it, but I would prefer a conversation at some point. He does sound like he was really understanding of you being a parent and that he respects your decision. Hopefully he will find someone nice who appreciates him.

Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 03/01/2024 20:30

Needsomesupport84 · 03/01/2024 20:20

500 days of summer is about a woman who repeatedly tells a man that she doesn't want a long-term relationship but he is overly hopeful and thinks she will change her mind and convinces himself that it's true love. She dumps him and then gets engaged to someone else really soon, despite saying that she doesn't do commitment. It's quite a good film.

I would go for coffee with him. He sounds really nice and 6 months is quite a long time, especially if he was making plans, taking you to events and meeting his family. I'd be really gutted if it was me and I'd expect more than a text, even if a text was the first sign of it, but I would prefer a conversation at some point. He does sound like he was really understanding of you being a parent and that he respects your decision. Hopefully he will find someone nice who appreciates him.

Thank you for that summary, I'm still confused what this has to do with me though 😂

And yes, I completely agree, he's a lovely man and I do hope he finds someone truly perfect for him that will make him very happy.

OP posts:
Needsomesupport84 · 03/01/2024 20:33

Maybe they meant that he was more into you than you into him, as you had met his family and friends etc.

Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 03/01/2024 20:37

Needsomesupport84 · 03/01/2024 20:33

Maybe they meant that he was more into you than you into him, as you had met his family and friends etc.

Maybe? All a bit irrelevant to me when I've not seen the movie though 😂 I hope the female protagonist in this movie wasn't an awful bitch was she???

OP posts:
Needsomesupport84 · 03/01/2024 20:43

Well I think on first watch, she can come across that way but when you think about it/watch it again you realise that it’s more the guy who is at fault. He is your typical ‘nice guy’ but doesn’t see the woman as a person in herself, she’s just his dream girlfriend, even though she tells him she doesn’t want to be. He doesn’t listen and just ploughs ahead and is then heartbroken when she ends things and moves on.

Needsomesupport84 · 03/01/2024 20:45

Anyway it’s clear from your posts that you’re a nice person and you didn’t want to hurt him but if you’re not feeling it, there’s nothing you can do and it’s best all round to end things.

Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 03/01/2024 20:57

Needsomesupport84 · 03/01/2024 20:45

Anyway it’s clear from your posts that you’re a nice person and you didn’t want to hurt him but if you’re not feeling it, there’s nothing you can do and it’s best all round to end things.

Okay, thank you for the clarity, you've saved me having to watch the movie!

Definitely didn't want to hurt him, and hope I haven't, will see how he is when o meet him for coffee next week.

And no, I wasn't feeling it, things weren't right and he had done (or not done) somethings back in October (thread here for anyone interested) that really sealed it for me. Hold no animosity but it was definitely time to move on and hopefully he'll find someone really compatible.

OP posts:
Needsomesupport84 · 03/01/2024 21:27

Okay I have now read the op of your other thread. I totally understand why you’re ending this one. He doesn’t sound very emotionally ‘there’ and the no sex because of the dog thing is very weird.

Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 03/01/2024 21:37

Needsomesupport84 · 03/01/2024 21:27

Okay I have now read the op of your other thread. I totally understand why you’re ending this one. He doesn’t sound very emotionally ‘there’ and the no sex because of the dog thing is very weird.

Yes, definitely not the situation for me. I should have called time on it back in October really but things just kind of dragged out. Knew I couldn't go further into the New Year with it though and I'm really glad it's done so we can both move on.

OP posts:
tralalalalalalalal · 04/01/2024 04:22

JoanMacIntosh · 02/01/2024 14:32

It’s too long.

He won’t respond afterwards anyway, so in my opinion it should read like-

Hi Barry

Happy New Year!

Loved spending time with you recently, but I’ve been thinking and it’s no longer something I can commit to.

Wishing you every happiness for 2024.

Jen x

And then block him. His dog doesn’t need a Christmas gift from you.

True about the dog but savage message ☠️

witte · 04/01/2024 08:27

No sex because of the dog? What was the dog's present? A blindfold?