Help me to end things with this guy

[InAPickle12345]

Ugh, I just really don't want to face this and need some advice on how the end things.

Been seeing a guy since June. Things are casual, we go to events and dinners etc together but it's not serious, in my mind anyway. I hope it's the same for him.

The relationship is just kind of giving me the ick. I've another thread on here about his dog (love dogs but this one is badly behaved and treated like a child), sex isn't great and overall I just want to be on my own and this really came through over Xmas.

Unfortunately I made up some excuses about childcare and sickness to cancel any plans over Xmas and I'm just craving being on my own again. Don't want to have someone texting me every day or trying to make plans during my limited child free time.

But I want to finish this in a way that doesn't hurt him. He's very nice and heart in the right place, just not for me.

I have to meet him at some point as I've got a Xmas gift for him. Is it awful to give him his gift and finish with him at the same time? Is there a way I can phrase this that says 'it's not you, it's me and I'd like to just be friends'?

God I'm pathetic asking this on here but I just don't have the energy for this and need advice.

I'm kind of concerned about that but too... I know I'm feeling I need space and time on my own, but I'm not 100% sure this isn't just because I'm not into this relationship anymore.

I I wind up dating again in 6 months time, I don't want him to feel I've lied to him.

What should I say? (And yes, I know I'm pathetic asking this but I just don't have the energy to figure this out on my own)

I think unless you genuinely have an incredible friendship, then I’d leave out the friends part as it keeps the door open for him than giving him closure

Hey 👋 Hope the return to work wasn’t too much of a shock to the system 🙈

There isn’t an easy way to say this, but I've decided I’d like to be on my own for a bit, without any dating commitments. Xmas really showed me how much time I need by myself to keep my own life and head in order, and it wouldn't be fair on either of us to continue.

I’ve had a really great time with you, and I hope you have too. I’d like to think we can still be friends but if that’s not something you want that’s completely fine.

I’m going to email your Xmas gift to you and I really hope you enjoy it. I have gifts for (dog’s name) as well and I can drop them to the door the next time I’m in (his hometown) if that would suit you. But I fully understand if not.

Take care

Okay, this is definitely better than my draft, thank you so much @ZeroFucksGivenToday x

Third edit.

Hey 👋 Hope the return to work wasn’t too much of a shock to the system 🙈

There isn’t an easy way to say this, but I've decided I’d like to be on my own for a bit, without any dating commitments. Xmas really showed me how much time I need by myself to keep my own life and head in order, and it wouldn't be fair on either of us to continue.

I’ve had a really great time with you, and I hope you have too.

I’m going to email your Xmas gift to you and I really hope you enjoy it. I have gifts for (dog’s name) as well and I can drop them to the door the next time I’m in (his hometown) if that would suit you. But I fully understand if not.

Take care

So just depends if you want the friends comment or not. :)

3rd edit from @ZeroFucksGivenToday is good!

Why would he want a voucher to your favourite restaurant?

Will his dog care if it doesn’t get your present?

Just let the man go.

People aren't daft, they suss that you'd make time if you liked them enough, so ' need time to concentrate on other things' is the same thing as 'I don't like you much and would rather be on my own'. Except you've obviously lied about it which can make the other feel bitter. Just be honest without a character assignation, keep it general " you don't feel like it's for you". Hopefully he won't ask for detailed reasons, but you could sight his dog as a reason - he's likely to have a 'if you don't like my dog, you're not good enough' attitude which could help. Also, given you've not seen him all over Xmas, I think he will have seen this coming more than you realise.

I think writing that you want to be on your own 'for a bit' just sounds as though you want a break. It's a bit ambiguous and could leave a window for him to believe there is a chance again in the future.

I think you need to be clearer that you are ending the relationship permanently.

Thank you so much @ZeroFucksGivenToday!

Taking onboard some of the subsequent comments, and my fear that if he sees I'm dating again in the coming months that he'll feel I lied to him I've made some changes... please let me know what ye think.

Fourth edit.

Hey 👋 Hope the return to work wasn’t too much of a shock to the system 🙈

There isn’t an easy way to say this, but I don't think that this is working for me. Xmas really showed me how much time I need by myself to keep my own life and head in order, and it wouldn't be fair on either of us to continue.

I’ve had a really great time with you, and I hope you have too.

I’ve emailed your Xmas gift to you and I really hope you enjoy it. I have gifts for (dog’s name) as well and I can drop them to the door the next time I’m in (his hometown) if that would suit you. But I fully understand if not.

Very valid points 😅 He knows I have the voucher for him so I'll just send that in an email.

Should I even offer to drop off the dog presents? Probably not I suppose but I'm trying to be nice I guess?

@Opentooffers you're right, he probably won't be completely blindsided by it as I've cancelled plans twice over Xmas.

I've changed the message below - do you think this is better?

Noted @Daftapath - does the new message read a bit better do you think?

Yes, absolutely op.

I think texting is fine, but don't send his present or drop off the dogs present. I'd prefer a clean break after a short and fairly casual relationship.

He’s planning on coming down here on Thursday, so before then - tonight or tomorrow. It’s making me feel very down and lethargic. He lives a 3hr round trip from me so I’d not have him make that journey.

i feel text is best though. Because it’s in writing. No confusion over words. I don’t want to be friends with mine because I know that will only lead to false hope on his part. We’re really not suited and he’s got me on a pedestal and fooling himself that I’m someone I’m not 🙃

I would change "I don't think" for unfortunately this isn't working for me.

I don't think seems to give them an in, and can make them try and persuade you otherwise :)

It's just that I will likely meet him through work at various events so I want to keep things amicable if at all possible. I think that's why I want to ensure he gets his presents. Maybe I'm wrong in thinking that though.

@Symphony830 I completely, 100% relate to the feeling of being down and lethargic. When I cancelled plans with him, my anxiety just went through the roof, afraid he might see my around if I went out and enjoyed the day so stayed home and felt... down and lethargic! So stupid on my part really.

Interesting comments about the pedestal and thinking you're something you're not... would be interested to hear why you think that?

I hope the break goes okay for you, do update if you think of it, we can be breakup buddies 🙈😂 x

You're so good @ZeroFucksGivenToday, really appreciate your time and advice.

I've added another line to soften it a bit - should I take it out?

Fifth edit.

Hey 👋 Hope the return to work wasn’t too much of a shock to the system 🙈

There isn’t an easy way to say this, but this isn't working for me. Xmas really showed me how much time I need by myself to keep my own life and head in order, and it wouldn't be fair on either of us to continue.

This is genuinely all about me and not something you've done. I’ve had a really great time with you, and I hope you have too.

I’ve emailed your Xmas gift to you and I really hope you enjoy it. I have gifts for (dog’s name) as well and I can drop them to the door the next time I’m in (his hometown) if that would suit you. But I fully understand if not.

The text is good but leave out the bit about the voucher and the present for the dog.
Just don't mention it and don't send the email voucher.
You wouldn't want a present from someone who's just dumped you.
If he comes back and mentions the present he's got for you just say "that's very kind but let's just leave things here"
Don't give him an in.
Then enjoy your meal in peace on the voucher to your fav restaurant!

I think in his situation I would feel weird taking anyone else to the restaurant you got the voucher for and I would also be a bit uncomfortable knowing that the person who just ended things with me can show up at any time and leave presents for my dog on my doorstep. I really can see that you are trying hard to soften the blow and you want things to be friendly between you afterwards but I think just let him have his space and let him work on trying to get over you. These reminders of you won't allow him to do that.

I don't think you can finish with someone and then offer to drop their dog a present. It could give him something to cling onto if he doesn't want it to end and may see it as a chance to talk / change your mind.

Just send the text without the dog present bit and email him the voucher. Done.

If I got that my reply would be:

“Thanks for letting me know. I had worked it out though. Thanks for the good bits.

I never liked that restaurant and it’s typical of you to get me a voucher for somewhere you like and want to be taken. So please use it yourself, I have deleted it.

Don’t come to my house with dog toys. My dog has everything it needs.

I look to seeing you at work functions soon! “

Seriously though I hope it goes well OP.