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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help me to end things with this guy

203 replies

InAPickle12345 · 02/01/2024 12:48

Ugh, I just really don't want to face this and need some advice on how the end things.

Been seeing a guy since June. Things are casual, we go to events and dinners etc together but it's not serious, in my mind anyway. I hope it's the same for him.

The relationship is just kind of giving me the ick. I've another thread on here about his dog (love dogs but this one is badly behaved and treated like a child), sex isn't great and overall I just want to be on my own and this really came through over Xmas.

Unfortunately I made up some excuses about childcare and sickness to cancel any plans over Xmas and I'm just craving being on my own again. Don't want to have someone texting me every day or trying to make plans during my limited child free time.

But I want to finish this in a way that doesn't hurt him. He's very nice and heart in the right place, just not for me.

I have to meet him at some point as I've got a Xmas gift for him. Is it awful to give him his gift and finish with him at the same time? Is there a way I can phrase this that says 'it's not you, it's me and I'd like to just be friends'?

God I'm pathetic asking this on here but I just don't have the energy for this and need advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 02/01/2024 17:22

@Tippexy What exactly is the issue with the voucher? I don't understand why you need to be so rude and tell me I'm lacking in self awareness, that I'm bonkers etc. I'm a nice person, I bought something with the intention of them having it, I don't hate the guy so I still want him to have it? What exactly is the bloody issue???

OP posts:
crochetmonkey74 · 02/01/2024 17:25

InAPickle12345 · 02/01/2024 17:22

@Tippexy What exactly is the issue with the voucher? I don't understand why you need to be so rude and tell me I'm lacking in self awareness, that I'm bonkers etc. I'm a nice person, I bought something with the intention of them having it, I don't hate the guy so I still want him to have it? What exactly is the bloody issue???

It's not horrible of you to give it to him, but it's just odd. I was in this position last year, and the guy still gave me my present (a bracelet)
It's lovely but I couldn't wear it as it felt disingenuous so I regifted to a friend

egowise · 02/01/2024 17:25

Just send it, you've rewritten it many times. He's going to be hurt, whether you tell him to fuck off, or if you wrap it up in flowery language.

Make it clear and straight to the point.

crochetmonkey74 · 02/01/2024 17:25

I would actually have preferred him to get a refund for himself. It was odd to take the present and walk off

TheCurlyKnobhead · 02/01/2024 17:27

You're dumping the guy, why do you think he'd want your bloody voucher when you've dumped him? Just send the text, leave out the childish emojis and any talk of presents

Onelifeonly · 02/01/2024 17:30

He will be upset however you say it and whatever you send or don't. Personally I think a text is a good idea since it doesn't put him on the spot. He could always ask for a debrief if he wants to.

Whatever you say about it not being him, it won't sit well. Everyone knows "it's not you, its me" means I don't like you enough to continue.

I wouldn't bother with the gifts - it's not about their value, financial or sentimental; they represent nothing now the relationship is over.

Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 02/01/2024 17:32

TheCurlyKnobhead · 02/01/2024 17:27

You're dumping the guy, why do you think he'd want your bloody voucher when you've dumped him? Just send the text, leave out the childish emojis and any talk of presents

He might want it because:

  1. It was something he actually wanted
  2. We're leaving things on good terms I hope
  3. I'm not a fucking bitch so he'll understand it's a nice gesture and not some sort of crap consolation
OP posts:
Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 02/01/2024 17:35

Message sent, I've turned off data on my WhatsApp and will leave it off for the next few hours.

Thank you to all of you who have helped me, I really struggle with overthinking things, potentially hurting people etc as a result of my anxiety and I don't think I could have done this today without your help.

There's a couple of people on this thread I'd hate to be dumped by... so harsh, unkind and unfeeling. Just because you're ending things with someone, doesn't mean you need to be so curt and cold.

OP posts:
ComorosPearl · 02/01/2024 17:38

Well done. Don't worry about it any more. You've been honest & as kind as possible. Feel the relief now! 😌

crochetmonkey74 · 02/01/2024 17:39

Well done. Hopefully you feel relieved now and can relax

Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 02/01/2024 17:42

I do, I feel majorly relieved to be honest. Thanks so much again ❤️ Im off work for another week so I'm going to chill out tonight with a glass of wine and enjoy the rest of my time off with my boy x

OP posts:
Whatadayyyy · 02/01/2024 17:43

You will feel 100% better once you’ve done it! Trust your judgement on what you have written too, you know him and yourself better than anyone. I totally get how you feel, I had to send my friend my draft of the message I sent and she helped me with a tweak or 2. Similar situation to you actually, felt I had zero time for me in my child free time. Everything was a constant rush trying to fit everyone else in and make everyone else happy. In my gut I just knew it wasn’t right, and I am loving being on my own and having total freedom to do what when I’m child free. Good luck!

sonjadog · 02/01/2024 17:44

I wouldn’t turn off your data for too long. If he responds and it shows undelivered, he’ll think you have blocked him, which seems a bit harsh and an extra punch in the gut.

AuntySueDoesntGiveAShit · 02/01/2024 17:46

Well done, enjoy your wine.

Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 02/01/2024 17:47

sonjadog · 02/01/2024 17:44

I wouldn’t turn off your data for too long. If he responds and it shows undelivered, he’ll think you have blocked him, which seems a bit harsh and an extra punch in the gut.

Think if you've been blocked on WhatsApp that you're not able to see the persons profile pic anymore so hopefully he'll realise I've not blocked him.

Maybe I should just put the phone on DND but I know my anxiety will make me check it... ugh.

OP posts:
Tippexy · 02/01/2024 17:52

sonjadog · 02/01/2024 17:44

I wouldn’t turn off your data for too long. If he responds and it shows undelivered, he’ll think you have blocked him, which seems a bit harsh and an extra punch in the gut.

This too! Awful.

Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 02/01/2024 17:54

@sonjadog data back on and have put my phone back on DND. Hopefully I can stay away from the messages for tonight

OP posts:
Symphony830 · 02/01/2024 17:55

Well done OP. Enjoy your time off with your boy. I was inspired to end mine today when I read your thread, but have a situation of a missing set of work keys, so need to find these first.

Hope you relax and enjoy the rest of your evening.

Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 02/01/2024 17:56

I get it @Tippexy, you think I'm awful, bonkers, lacking self awareness. You don't like me, I get it.

What I don't get is why you're bothering to comment on what has been a really helpful thread for me and not offer any constructive advice. You know you don't have to comment right?

OP posts:
Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 02/01/2024 17:58

Symphony830 · 02/01/2024 17:55

Well done OP. Enjoy your time off with your boy. I was inspired to end mine today when I read your thread, but have a situation of a missing set of work keys, so need to find these first.

Hope you relax and enjoy the rest of your evening.

Thank you 🙏 I hope the break up goes okay for you @Symphony830 and brings you the relief I feel... and you don't wrap yourself in knots like I have done today!

OP posts:
sonjadog · 02/01/2024 18:05

You have done well. I have broken up with someone recently too. It took me 6 weeks to do it! It is hard when there is nothing wrong with them, it just isn’t quite right for you. I hope he takes it well, or quietly at least, and you hear no more from him.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 02/01/2024 18:05

I'm just here for his reply.

Redruby2020 · 02/01/2024 18:22

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 02/01/2024 18:05

I'm just here for his reply.

Me too

Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 02/01/2024 18:35

I promise I'll post the reply when I have the balls to check my messages!

(Hate those threads that loads of people contribute their time and advice to and then there's no conclusion!)

OP posts:
FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 02/01/2024 18:40

InAPickle12345 · 02/01/2024 18:35

I promise I'll post the reply when I have the balls to check my messages!

(Hate those threads that loads of people contribute their time and advice to and then there's no conclusion!)

Check now!!!