Fiancé just told me he no longer wants to get married?

[LittleCactus]

I'm so confused. Been engaged 4 years (to the day, in fact) and he. Just told me he doesn't want to get married a anymore. Doesn't see the point and thinks it's too much faff/expense if it all goes to pot. He still wants to be with me, apparently, but not as a married couple. I love the idea of marriage and have always envisioned myself being someone's wife.
What would you do?

He's protecting his at then, because he doesn't think you'll stay together (maybe because he didn't want to).

You need to initiate the dick protocol to try and get yourself some financial stability, as he's giving you nothing.

This looks very much like it's about the house, OP. You need to take steps to secure your position. Hope it works out for you!

Bloody hell op. You're wide open to being totally done over here and with a man who appears to be taking what could possibly be a strategic view on this.
Can't be bothered with the faff in case it all goes wrong?!
Was he thinking about what might happen if it all went wrong when he let you pay his mortgage for him, or got you pregnant and allowed you to curtail your earning potential to raise his kid.
🫣
Ffs

Do you want kids? I used to be very much of the opinion marriage is a piece of paper that says you can't leave easily as this was my experience leaving an abusive man. Having just had a baby while not married to a non abusive man then been dumped in the shit raising the baby and my older disabled child alone while he got a promotion and continues to built his career I'm of the opinion marriage is a safety net. My life can't go forward, I can't work or pay off my mortgage or build my pension he can. If we had been married I could have gone for his pension at least

Civil partnership?

Does he pay the childcare bill?

Did you read the OP?

If you're on the app you can select just the OPs posts so that you know what's going on before giving advice.

What explanation did he give for you not being on the deeds? If he bought the house with your financial contributions but made sure you had no legal right to it despite that, it sounds to me like he’s been planning to screw you over for a while.

I agree with the PPs - get legal advice whether you have a claim on the house (very unlikely - he’s been clever there), look for full time work and start making plans to get out.

This beggars belief, so this arse has you paying half his mortgage but no conversation about you being on the deeds and you have his child. Wow he’s selfish.

You might like to read this before you make any decisions. https://england.shelter.org.uk/professional_resources/legal/relationship_breakdown/housing_rights_of_cohabiting_sole_homeowners/occupation_rights_if_one_partner_is_the_sole_owner

We were forced to be engaged for 8 years (MIL hated me because my life status didn't match her precious son's status), in the end we just eloped. I gave up at one point and just said, you know what? Marry your mum if you crre so much. I don't care any more.

So you two were already a couple when he bought the house you both moved into? What was the reason then for only him owning it? Not the deposit surely, as he could have ringfenced that on his own.

Would you have done this (gone part-time and paid less in) without the promise and expectation of marriage?

I'm guessing (hoping) not.

Therefore, he has taken you for an absolute ride and it's situations like this that almost want me to campaign for ye olde "Breach of promise" law to be reinstated!

Spell out for him the ways you have put yourself at risk, believing yourself to be in a mutually trusting and permanent relationship, and ask him whether he thinks it's fair to pull out now, because he's suddenly decided (like a pretentious adolescent) that he doesn't believe in marriage (apart from having all the benefits of it).

I would stop paying into the joint account tbh.

we live in a house together that only he is on the mortgage for yet I have paid a lot into.

Oh dear.... and that is why he won't marry you. And you have a child together. Is he paying a fair share towards the child's and maternity/pension costs?

@Whiskerson

Would you have done this (gone part-time and paid less in) without the promise and expectation of marriage?

Totally this. OP you need to be very clear to him that he is letting you (and your child - because you are primary carer) down in a big way.

Ugh, I'd hate that. Would make me feel like I'm a placeholder, there for his convenience unless/until someone "better" came along. Hope it all works out for the best for you, whatever you decide to do x

Before you say anything to him, go see a solicitor and get proper legal advice about where you stand with the house, finances, children etc and what steps you should take next.

He probably never wanted to get married, 4 years without a date is a huge red flag. He has a property and a child and now wants a perma gf to hang around until he moves on. Don't do this to yourself. Go make that appointment the minute the solicitors office re opens.

Playing devil's advocate, OP when you say you paid half the mortgage for the first two years, did you also pay half the bills as well so a complete 50/50 split?

I agree with others - try well let's put my name on the deeds and make a will to protect our child and see what he says . And go to a solicitor for advice. As it stands you sound in a vulnerable position. Try to mitigate what you can .

It sounds like he's worried about you having a stake in the house.
You have a child together so it's not like he can escape responsibility anyway. He sounds mean.

You have to work out whether :
(1) to stay together, unmarried, and accept your lot; or
(2) give him an ultimatum to force the issue - but only if you you'd rather leave than live together without that commitment from him

If you want to give him an ultimatum then tell him you'll leave unless he is willing to fix a date for the wedding. See how he feels about the real risk of you upping sticks with the child!.......
But this is a dangerous game as you need to follow through.

If however he doesn't mind if you do leave him, then the relationship obviously isn't right and all you've done is move the date of the end of your relationship forward....

You have a child together, yet you're paying HIS mortgage, and you have no corresponding rights to the house.

Get legal advice now and end the relationship. He has his best interests at heart and doesn't care about yours. You will walk away with nothing while he's got lots of extra equity in his home thanks to you.

Definitely wouldn't have done all of this without the expectation of marriage, no

I don't understand pp talking about wills - he could change it literally a month later to give it all to the cats home. It's a false security and shouldn't be suggested imo.