Fiancé just told me he no longer wants to get married?

[LittleCactus]

I'm so confused. Been engaged 4 years (to the day, in fact) and he. Just told me he doesn't want to get married a anymore. Doesn't see the point and thinks it's too much faff/expense if it all goes to pot. He still wants to be with me, apparently, but not as a married couple. I love the idea of marriage and have always envisioned myself being someone's wife.
What would you do?

I'd take steps to secure the house should you separate, I also hope that you're working full time and haven't reduced your hours or are a sahp. You need to protect yourself if you have dc, have paid into the house and are not married

Do not pay a penny more into it

We have one child and we live in a house together that only he is on the mortgage for yet I have paid a lot into.

I wish women wouldn't do this to themselves.

Don't dump yet. Go to a solicitor with the evidence of what you've paid. Work out if it's better to have him sign something saying he owes you the money or an interest in the house. Then say, "you're right darling, marriage is silly. To protect me and DC though, please sign this". What he does then will let you know if he's a bit of an arsehole or a complete and utter scumbag.

So basically it's a nonchalant, "I love you but not enough to make you my wife!"

Bin him.

I work part time and currently working for an agency 😢

Doesn't see the point and thinks it's too much faff/expense if it all goes to pot

I'd be telling him the "point" is security for his child, and the mother of his child. If he can't do that for his own child, then I think you should probably walk away.

Can you get yourself working ft for an employer ASAP?

Don't pay anything more into the house. Take steps to get a full time job and leave.

Agree with him about marriage and suggest an appointment with solicitor to put your name on deeds and draw up wills. That’ll tell you where you stand.

Agree with others - stop paying towards the rent.

Does he pay the childcare bill?

How have you paid into the house? Do you pay the mortgage equally?

Who paid the deposit?

This with bells on.

This happened to me, turns out he was cheating and way trying to get away with it by first saying he’s gone of marriage. Then a month later he wasn’t sure he loved me and wanted me to move out.

there’s more to it OP

Ask him to go down to your local registry office instead of a big wedding. I can understand after sitting on it for a long time, not wanting to spend thousands on a wedding. If he still says no, you know where you stand.

He paid the deposit. We paid equally for the first two ish years of having the house and when I was on maternity leave I stopped paying any. Recently gone back to work part time and only pay a small percentage. So he has paid a lot more into it, but I have paid into it. We've been here 5 years.
He contributed more than me for bills etc simply because he earns more

*gone off marriage

Have already suggested this multiple times. It's definitely the legality of marriage rather than the cost of the wedding

If he wants to be with you in your position I'd tell him that you are getting married or it's over. Seriously if he dithers book registry office for v cheap wedding (can do party later if you like) you need this protection.

When you paid him for half the mortgage each month, was it directly from your bank to his? Did it have any wording eg "mortgage" or anything like that?

I would get really angry and sell the engagement ring to go on a mini break and buy myself something nice but I’m probably too imaginative and unhinged

Get legal advice.

And never put yourself in such a vulnerable position again. Hope for the best plan for the worst.

From my account to the joint account where the money gets paid from. Nothing that specifically said mortgage, no

This is a massive issue. Why did you agree to it?

It perhaps gives you some insight into your p's thought processes...

At the very least tell him you are seeing solicitor to get deeds changed . You are the mother of his child not some short term girlfriend. What makes him think it's all his decision. Dickhead

This!

He's leaving himself an escape plan that will cost him least. There's a lot of it about these days.