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Original poster

Why do people invite ex husbands to Christmas dinner?

177 replies

Verysad1978 · 25/12/2023 18:55

I saw this on another thread. And I am honestly not being provocative but why do people invite ex husbands to Christmas dinner etc? I am in same house wIth separated partner. I can’t wait for this just to be over. And move on.
I can’t imagine inviting him to dinner next Christmas. But people do it. Is it the right thing to do? Why?
I suppose I’ve a year to get my head around it

OP posts:
SapphosRock · 25/12/2023 18:56

If you have kids together and still get along then it's nice for the kids.

theduchessofspork · 25/12/2023 18:56

I have done, but we are still mates

Reugny · 25/12/2023 18:56

SapphosRock · 25/12/2023 18:56

If you have kids together and still get along then it's nice for the kids.

No it isn't

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 25/12/2023 18:57

We have kids together. I’m hoping next year my ex and his partner and her child come to mine. It will be lovely. This year he has the kids and it made me sad.

SutWytTi · 25/12/2023 18:58

If you have an amicable separation and are still friends, why not?

But if the separation is difficult, then you wouldn't.

There's no fixed rule.

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 25/12/2023 18:58

Reugny · 25/12/2023 18:56

No it isn't

Show quote history

Not for you obviously.

DinaofCloud9 · 25/12/2023 19:00

Mine comes for dinner with his dad. It would just be the two of them otherwise and he still gets on with me and my family so why not?

What harm is it doing?

paisley256 · 25/12/2023 19:00

Cos we're still good friends and the kids love seeing him at Christmas, so it makes perfect sense to us.

BoohooWoohoo · 25/12/2023 19:01

I assume because dad hasn’t got a place to take the kids.

StragglyTinsel · 25/12/2023 19:01

Maybe your circumstances aren’t the same as the people inviting their ex over for Christmas.

I invited STBXH because it was the right thing to do for our 3 year old. I do not want to be married to him or live with him but I have to coparent with him for the next many years. So I invited him.

Garman · 25/12/2023 19:02

Because everyone isn’t you and also feelings change with time and distance, and if kids are involved it is nice to be friendly and amicable if possible.

LividSleep · 25/12/2023 19:03

It’s our first year divorced.

Child is small and we both wanted to be with him.

In a fit of magnanimity I didn’t want x to be alone eating a cheese sandwich.

During some moments today I DID want him to be alone eating a cheese sandwich. But DC had the BEST day and I think it was therefore for the greater good.

Hope he has plans next year though, not gonna lie 😂😂

InvisibleBuffy · 25/12/2023 19:05

Reugny · 25/12/2023 18:56

No it isn't

Show quote history

Why wouldn't it be? If everyone can be civilised snd friendly, then why shouldn't the children have both parents with them at Christmas?
A lot of parents do put their children first and are capable of being nice to each other for the sake of them.
My ex and his now wife invited me for Christmas dinner for this reason. I think it shows a lot of goodwill and willingness to move on on both sides.
If there's still animosity, then yes, it's a terrible idea but it's not always

Notamaterlistictypeofwoman · 25/12/2023 19:05

Merry Christmas everyone....Back to the topic I personally think there is a reason why they are called ex regardless whether or not you have kids together,it seems very fake to invite them over for festive seasons,I could understand if they were older children they understand more though

Onceuponaheartache · 25/12/2023 19:06

Because we are friends, he lost his dad this year so he now has no one but the kids, wasn't "his" year to have either my dsc or our dd. My dp invited him, they are also friendly. We also had my mate who is like a brother to me.

We have had a great day, lots of food, laughter and ended up with dsc here too. The kids have all loved it and said how much they have enjoyed it.

Best Christmas in a while!

Menomeno · 25/12/2023 19:07

I’d pluck my own eyeballs out with rusty forks before I spent another second in the company of the abusive prick. Our kids are grown up now but I wouldn’t have been prepared to play act, even for the their sake.

Plus, I think it could be confusing for the children. My own DPs divorced when I was six. I spent years longing for them to get back together. There were times we’d still do “family” things together - Christmas, birthdays etc, or just times my mum would ask my dad to stay for dinner when he was dropping us off. Every time it happened I’d think that we were a family again, and my heart would break all over again when it was time for my dad to leave. I know it was done with really good intentions on my mum’s part, but it would have been easier to just have a clean break.

Ilovelurchers · 25/12/2023 19:08

It's easier for the kids I guess as they get to see both parents without having to split their day between two venues.

It's harmless providing everyone is amicable and comfortable, and there aren't any new partners who might feel uncomfortable with it?

I used to spend Xmas with partner, his kids and his ex wife, and admittedly I didn't love it as much as I was expected to.

My friend is spending it with her ex this year in his house, again for the kids, and she hasn't felt totally great about it to be honest - it's not what she would do in an ideal world, but she believes it is best for her three kids, as its what they hace pushed for. (I think her kids are grown ups and need to think about her feelings too - but that's just me)

OliveToboogie · 25/12/2023 19:10

We are still friends and makes sense for your kids to see with parents on Christmas day.

Usernamecreateddone · 25/12/2023 19:10

I can't help wondering sometimes, if people get along well, why they don't just stay married? I mean my ex is an absolute dick, so I left him. If he wasn't, I wouldn't have done.
Probably an unpopular opinion but I've had a couple of drinks!

Original poster
Verysad1978 · 25/12/2023 19:10

I can see it now that you’ve all said how it works for you. I suppose right now it’s so bloody weird and sad and new and shitty that I can’t see it changing.
But I’d like to be in a good enough head space that I could do it. I suppose that would be progress.

OP posts:
SpringleDingle · 25/12/2023 19:12

No thank you. I can’t spend 5 minutes chatting to my exH before it gets too awkward for words. I like Xmas without him!!

supersonicginandtonic · 25/12/2023 19:13

I've been separated from the dad to my eldest two for ten years. Been with my current partner for 8 years. We still have Christmas together, both couples, have been on holiday together, do birthdays and school events together. They're sone of our closest friends.

DinaofCloud9 · 25/12/2023 19:13

Usernamecreateddone · 25/12/2023 19:10

I can't help wondering sometimes, if people get along well, why they don't just stay married? I mean my ex is an absolute dick, so I left him. If he wasn't, I wouldn't have done.
Probably an unpopular opinion but I've had a couple of drinks!

Because he cheated on me and I didn't want to stay with him.

Doesn't mean we can't get along after a lot of water passed under the bridge.

PriOn1 · 25/12/2023 19:14

I did it a couple of times as the (teen and young adult) children were mostly with me and I didn’t want him to be lonely and alone.

I’ll not be doing it again as he’s now more or less alienated our children and they wouldn’t want to see him. My intentions were good, but it wasn’t really a good idea.

Notamaterlistictypeofwoman · 25/12/2023 19:15

I think it all boils down to still having feelings for eachother tbh .There is a difference between being civilised with eachother / co parenting , doesn't mean you all have to go around eachother houses on festive seasons /birthdays just to play "happy families" ,I hate when people use kids for this is reason why too.