Why do people invite ex husbands to Christmas dinner?

[Verysad1978]

I saw this on another thread. And I am honestly not being provocative but why do people invite ex husbands to Christmas dinner etc? I am in same house wIth separated partner. I can’t wait for this just to be over. And move on.
I can’t imagine inviting him to dinner next Christmas. But people do it. Is it the right thing to do? Why?
I suppose I’ve a year to get my head around it

If my partner's ex wife was invited to Christmas I'd pack his bags and send him back with her 🫣🤣

I'm actually reading this post nap from the sofa bed in the study in STBXH house - which was my house to until 8 weeks ago. I stayed last night and I'm going to stay tonight too. It has actually been very nice. We've both made an effort, the kids are happy and we've had a good day. Much better than someone being alone and the kids feeling sad that they are not seeing someone on Christmas. I didn't know how it was going to go, but I'm really glad we did it.

Because we want to.

*too not to!

No idea why anyone would do that. My ex would take that as a green light for feet under the table, staying the night and sex.

He is incapable of understanding that I might do something specifically for the dc, and it isn't all about him.

Just because you get along well enough to enjoy a meal together which your kids will enjoy, doesn't mean you get along well enough to shag them or tolerate their skid marks 24-7.

Such a daft question. Every family dynamic is different. It would be a total no go for some, for others it's all one big happy family.

Try not to worry about what other families do, focus on your own.

I'm not sure how to respond to this. I still care for my ex very much, we were together for a long time and I quite enjoy his company sometimes. And I want my kids to be happy. I'm glad we can be friends. But I don't want to get back together with him at all. And he doesn't want that either.

'I think it all boils down to still having feelings for eachother tbh'
😂lol. Um, no.

I imagine this is why. Plus some people stay friends maybe not immediately after a break up but a few years on etc. I imagine as it’s so fresh for you it seems like madness. In 5 years or so you may still think it’s madness or you may think it’s a nice idea. I suppose being an ex doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t get on.

Haha - I think this too!

If he’d just been an average partner, it would’ve been enough to stay. But he was such a knob, I’d never want to be anywhere near him for the next 100 years!

@AltheaVestr1t 100% the same here. We aren't in love with each other we have other partners and children now but we love each other as friends.

Remember, divorce really really doesn't have to be the shit, everyone hate each other, kids in therapy, no maintenance paid kind. It is an option to do divorce well.

Ok. I suppose I just don’t have a clue how you go from married to not married but willingly in each other’s company.
I don’t know how the hell to navigate it. So going from the misery and weirdness of today to sitting across from each other pulling crackers seems very far away.
But I hope I end up like so many of you.
It sounds to me like you’re doing pretty great

@AltheaVestr1t I wasn't even mentioning feelings as in a romantic way just in general feelings

Because last Christmas when we split time caused a lot of stress for our daughter, and was the trigger for her being diagnosed autistic. We spent her birthday together and it worked.

I have no intention of doing it forever, and to be fair he's been here 4 hours and I'm about done, but it was lovely to see our daughter relaxed and happy.

I can't live with him and I don't love him, but I can tolerate him for a few hours for the greater good.

I've not invited him as I don't like having him in my space.
This is our first Xmas after separation. I wanted my children to have a proper meal at least as they love turkey.
I've bought it all, took it over and cooked it at his. Portioned it out and took the rest back to mine to eat with my sister.
I'd do it again this way if I had to. But I've made some comments about the state of his place... it's revolting. I didn't want to eat there and play happy families.

Years ago when I split from my oldest child’s dad I invited him to stay Christmas Eve then have Christmas Day and dinner with us. We split in the summer (my choice not his) our daughter was only 2 so I felt guilty him missing Christmas morning with her. I only did it the one year as we live separate lives and our daughter understood growing up mummy and daddy do things separately

Bloody hell. I can only imagine the atmosphere if my two ex husbands were here for Christmas. Id probably attempt to poison the pair of them.

I agree with you, OP. My divorce was amicable and I have always got on well with the ex-H (and now his wife)

But him and me for christmas dinner? Fuck no.

I also think it gives children the wrong idea - yes, great to all go to the same Christmas party, but playing 'happy families' when you are divorced? Nope. Far better to have a clean break and clear boundaries.

Very much a joint effort dependent on both recognising that we both did our best to save the relationship but it had run its course. No infidelity on either side, fair treatment regarding finances and co-parenting. Both absolutely wanting the breakup to be as easy on the kids as humanly possible.

We have very good friends who split a year ago, very acrimoniously, watching them tear each other apart, the effect it has had on their lovely children and the catastrophic impact of the ongoing legal wrangling on their shared assets has been a very eye opening experience. As soon as we decided to split we both said 'let's not do that' and we haven't.

There have been tense conversations and disagreements now and again, but we both want an easy life so we've worked around them.

It's very much a 50/50 effort though and requires two willing parties to make it work!

As a child of separated parents, this used to blow my mind. I could not understand why my parents would hang out together for events such as Christmas. Used to wish they wouldn't.

My parents spent Christmas together with their new wife/husband and us into adulthood. It meant we didn’t need to choose. We were grateful.

I think for some of us Christmas is a more the merrier affair, and for others it’s about having your closest and most trusted people around you. I’ve done both types and I prefer bigger Christmases with strangers invited too. A woman at church this morning told me she was alone today and I invited her, why not. She didn’t come, but I’d have loved it if she did.

I spend a lot of time with my children‘s father, I’d happily spend Christmas with him, and no I don’t hold a flame. Could have got back with him whenever I wanted in the early days and I constantly thank god I didn’t!

This is similar to my experience with STBXH.

The low points were when he gave me a ‘to my wonderful wife’ card 🙄 and then when he fucked off for over an hour (somewhere in my house) to chat to his friend who called - while I was trying to cook Christmas dinner and DS managed to get into all kinds of fixes that I needed to sort.

But DS loved having his dad there. And mostly STBXH did play with DS. He left mid afternoon and I had a nap with DS.