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Original poster

Half birthdays

459 replies

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:39

I have a young child (actually 3) with a fella who moved from Scotland to be with me get married and start a family.

Because the child was born on the 26th dec I said from the start of pregnancy that we were going to celebrate her half birthday (ie 6 months later) not on the day so that she had something to look forward to and her friends would be more likely to attend parties etc.

MIL rings every year because she is “confused” and it’s “too complicated” “why aren’t we celebrating on the 26th” etc… honestly it’s been a few years and this happens every year and we re explain it and our reasons and yet she still sends card and present and says happy birthday to her etc. each bit I suppose is fine but collectively it feels like a manipulative act to refuse to accept our families wishes.

my partner gets put in the middle and feels unhappy that his mum is unhapppy and maybe we should change.

his mum hates me because she feels like I have stolen her son and there are repeated narratives of how I am keeping him and my children away from her - actually untrue im the person (with no pleasure) suggesting we go and visit her and invite her when we do. I let her not my own mother come in to my only hospital visit when I had my child so she could see him.

so help me. Is a half birthday really SO difficult to wrap your head round? AITB? Or is she just using this as another way to undermine me because this was always primarily my decision and should I stand firm and set boundaries? I don’t want to be unreasonable

OP posts:
mimiku · 31/12/2023 16:04

My youngest DS is 27th December and whilst I appreciate it’s not the best time to have a birthday, it would be weird to celebrate his birthday 6 months after the fact. Personally, I don’t think MIL is being unreasonable.

12345change · 31/12/2023 16:05

I am still amazed at how ridiculous people are on here. It is perfectly fine for the OP to do this and the MIL is the ridiculous one. It has been a number of years and she deliberately makes a fuss still. The MIL needs to get over it.

Boredanddejected · 31/12/2023 16:06

DD2 is 21st December and she often got her big birthday present in the summer (bike, trampoline etc) and then a small gift from us for her actual birthday. We also did parties at a time that suited us but we never expected anyone else to give her gifts any time other than her actual birthday.

intotheblueagain · 31/12/2023 16:08

I haven't read the full thread but half birthdays are a thing and you can get birthday cards in accordance with this.

Northernsoul72 · 31/12/2023 16:08

My birthday is the 25/12 and I managed fine without a half birthday. Its a thing that so many people have suggested to me over the years however. I think your birthday is your birthday and you don't know any different really. It's your family though and you must do what you think is right. Seems a little over complicated though.

CatherinedeBourgh · 31/12/2023 16:18

My dc1's birthday is right near xmas. Dc2's is a few months later.

DC2 is really jealous of DC1's birthday, because we take time off for DC1's birthday (xmas break) but not for his (no holiday associated with it most years).

It's only an issue if you make it. You can always have a kids' birthday in the summer if you want, but it's not a big issue that family say happy birthday when it's actually her birthday.

ScartlettSole · 31/12/2023 16:21

A half birthday isn't cpnfusing, its stupid

Elaina87 · 31/12/2023 16:43

She was born on boxing day, that is her birthday, that is what we celebrate. Yes, I get Xmas birthdays can be annoying but that's just what she has to learn to deal with so help her do that and make it special somehow. She can't be a grown adult expecting people to celebrate her half birthday. I dont know about your Mil, maybe she is doing it to undermine you, I don't know her but in all likelihood she just probably thinks it's silly and feels bad not sending her grandchildren something on her actual birthday.

MrsRaspberry · 31/12/2023 16:43

Not sure why you're getting wound up at Nan acknowledging your kids birthday on the actual day rather than doing so 6months early. There's no need for a "half birthday" its nonsense. Yes its close to Christmas but for classmates purposes throw a party to invite them to before school breaks up for the holiday no need to do it 6months early

Allyliz · 31/12/2023 16:52

I knew someone born on Christmas day...they had close family gifts on their actual birthday and then celebrated their 'un birthday' on 25th June with a party and gifts from friends. They loved the fact that they got 2 birthdays

kezzykicks · 31/12/2023 16:56

I think it's a bit strange and would probably get confused like your mil! My friend's dd also has a birthday on Boxing Day and has a party in January when they're back at school, she's never had a problem getting the whole class to come as things tend to be quiet in January for people.

Dontcallmescarface · 31/12/2023 16:59

12345change · 31/12/2023 16:05

I am still amazed at how ridiculous people are on here. It is perfectly fine for the OP to do this and the MIL is the ridiculous one. It has been a number of years and she deliberately makes a fuss still. The MIL needs to get over it.

Edited

Sorry but not allowing family members to acknowledge your child's actual birthday and to say they have to wait 6 months before doing so is pretty fucking weird. It's 1 thing to have a low key family birthday on the day and a big party later on, but to do nothing at all on the child's birthday just baffles me.

Elaina87 · 31/12/2023 17:08

You say you acknowledge it, so in my opinion it would be best to do presents and cards on the day then if you want to do a party do that another time. Summer if you like or even just a few weeks earlier/later. January is a quiet month for most, so maybe then. My daughter's birthday is at the start of the summer holidays so I did her a school party a few weeks earlier this year so more people could make it/weren't away on holiday.

Bear198 · 31/12/2023 17:11

Do you give gifts and cards on her birthday? If not this is utterly stupid. Just celebrate her birthday as normal. What's so bloody difficult about that?

Datafan55 · 31/12/2023 17:15

My birthday is in January. If I'm going to celebrate it, that's often in the summer. However my birthday is my birthday.

Blondebrunette1 · 31/12/2023 17:15

@Ekbygum if you do acknowledge her birthday, why can't her grandmother give her gifts on the day? Doing things as you are surely will eventually have your DD wonder why she gets no gifts on her actual birthday?
Have you any other examples of why MIL "hates you", what you've described doesn't sound like she's undermining you, more concerned her granddaughter will think she's not thought of her on her birthday xxx

KC2023 · 31/12/2023 17:30

If you were that bothered you probably should have timed conception a little better.

12345change · 31/12/2023 17:32

Dontcallmescarface · 31/12/2023 16:59

Sorry but not allowing family members to acknowledge your child's actual birthday and to say they have to wait 6 months before doing so is pretty fucking weird. It's 1 thing to have a low key family birthday on the day and a big party later on, but to do nothing at all on the child's birthday just baffles me.

Show quote history

That isn't what she is doing - read what the op has written. From what I can see the MIL is being deliberately difficult.. and people calling the op ridiculous need to give their heads a wobble. I can see why the op is annoyed with her MIL it's been three years!

AllAroundMyCat · 31/12/2023 17:34

My children were born either side of Christmas.

We felt it was a bit unfair that they got all their presents at the same time, so we hid a few and brought them out throughout the year eg Easter, end of school year etc...

We never celebrated a half year though, sounds daft .

RLouiseH · 31/12/2023 17:35

I don’t see what’s wrong with this at all!
Celebrating her half birthday in summer is a great excuse for a party and means her day isn’t overshadowed by Christmas, and I’m sure it is less of a financial burden at Christmas time too!
I think to still acknowledge her bday on the actual day is the right thing, some cards, some fuss and a small gift, but no harm in making a bigger thing of her half birthday. She is still young and as she gets older she may want to continue this tradition or may prefer to celebrate her bday on the actual day in December, and that’s fine!
As for your MIL I think she totally is the AH, she’s just being unreasonable and difficult. It’s not a hard concept for her to get her head around, it’s not confusing, she’s just being silly and petty. She could do with remembering your daughter is yours, not hers, and it’s your rules.

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 31/12/2023 17:46

I agree, this is a nonsense idea. Lots of people have their birthdays at this time of year and still manage to celebrate at the correct time. Half birthdays are not a thing, and your MIL is right in this case. It all sounds very weird and other kids are going to think the same once your DC is at school. Just celebrate her birthday on her actual birthday - you can have the party either earlier or later.

momonpurpose · 31/12/2023 17:51

JenJenJenJenJenJen · 20/12/2023 23:41

If you try and start something so idiotic, you have to be prepared for other people not to play along.

I have to agree. I have a friend who's daughter was born in November but celebrated in June. It's pretty ridiculous but it's your child.

LanaL · 31/12/2023 17:56

So is your MIL acknowledging your daughters actual birthday , but not her ‘half birthday’ or getting confused ? I don’t really understand but if she’s giving a card or a gift on her birthday or half birthday then I don’t think you can really moan. She’s clearly acknowledging one and I think it’s very unreasonable to expect people to celebrate two birthdays ? This is going to be problematic as your daughter gets older - there aren’t many people who would participate in gift giving and celebrations for someone twice a year . It’s your choice obviously but it’s quite odd ….

Metallicant · 31/12/2023 18:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

DeeLusional · 31/12/2023 18:08

JANEY205 · 31/12/2023 13:31

Really weird and selfish of you. My friends birthday is Boxing Day and there is zero reason her birthday can’t be celebrated that day or the 27th but her family just don’t bother as they are ‘tired from Christmas.’ THAT is the issue. Why on earth can’t the 26th or 27th be your child’s birthday? I live in a country with no Boxing Day and it’s fab! Don’t miss it at all….it was only ever a day of mooching about anyway and I’d happily celebrate my child’s birthday that day instead! Or the 27th when more is open. This is a YOU issue, poor MIL. 6 months later is extremely weird and I bet your child ends up with no gifts and no party as they get older as you’ve basically made up it’s their birthday when it just isn’t. If a classmate actually has a birthday then I’d prioritize going to their party….not your made up one.
Even a Jan date would be more likely to have people actually care?! But no you can’t make up half birthdays as you can’t be bothered to celebrate your child’s actual birthday. Thats not fair on your child!

A bit harsh. Like a lot of comments on MN actually. OP doesn't want DD's birthday disappearing into the xmas melee and let's face it, many xmas babies get the "This is for xmas and your birthday" treatment. I do think DD and granny should be allowed to celebrate the actual birthday though. How many grandchildren does granny have?

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