Half birthdays

[Ekbygum]

I have a young child (actually 3) with a fella who moved from Scotland to be with me get married and start a family.

Because the child was born on the 26th dec I said from the start of pregnancy that we were going to celebrate her half birthday (ie 6 months later) not on the day so that she had something to look forward to and her friends would be more likely to attend parties etc.

MIL rings every year because she is “confused” and it’s “too complicated” “why aren’t we celebrating on the 26th” etc… honestly it’s been a few years and this happens every year and we re explain it and our reasons and yet she still sends card and present and says happy birthday to her etc. each bit I suppose is fine but collectively it feels like a manipulative act to refuse to accept our families wishes.

my partner gets put in the middle and feels unhappy that his mum is unhapppy and maybe we should change.

his mum hates me because she feels like I have stolen her son and there are repeated narratives of how I am keeping him and my children away from her - actually untrue im the person (with no pleasure) suggesting we go and visit her and invite her when we do. I let her not my own mother come in to my only hospital visit when I had my child so she could see him.

so help me. Is a half birthday really SO difficult to wrap your head round? AITB? Or is she just using this as another way to undermine me because this was always primarily my decision and should I stand firm and set boundaries? I don’t want to be unreasonable

She is being ridiculous by finding something so simple so difficult… you might not agree with this but it’s not f**king rocket science to know the main celebration is 6 months later! 🙄

Apart from the fact its batshit crazy. Maybe not rocket science but its not their birthday so going along with OP crazy ideas is ridiculous. She wants to celebrate her grandaughters birthday...on her birthday. Thats not rocket science either

Yes but it’s not her child is it. If your MIL interfered I bet you’d be annoyed too!

YANBU

It’s your child and your job to make sure they have a happy normal birthday, not just a rubbish post-Christmas half-celebration. Well done for prioritising your DC! Just stick to the party line and ignore MIL. She has a problem with you but it’s not because of this 😆

We moved my DD from Christmas Day to 25th Jan for the same reason and got similar nonsense from MIL. Your child - not hers.

People are being a bit mean to you and tbh it sounds like lots of people born around Christmas are just jealous and wishing their own parents had done a better job.

xxx

The OP is being unbelievably petty getting mad at her MIL for acknowledging the actual birthday.

Maybe MIL is just trying to out-petty the OP. She’d be hard-pushed to do that, given exactly how petty the OP is being.

If it’s OK for her (the OP) to acknowledge the actual birthday - and she says she does - it’s OK for the MIL to, as well.

Have a half-birthday celebration if she wants to - crack on. But getting irate at people acknowledging the actual day is bat shit. No two ways about it.

@GodDammitCecil Tbh it is possibly more complicated then we have been told by the op… relationships are difficult and yes you’re right MIL should be able to acknowledge the actual date and from OP said she can… does sound like MIL is being deliberately annoying but we would need more information from the OP and you always get one side of the story. But really MIL shouldn’t find this that difficult…even if she doesn’t agree with it.

My dd's birthday is 28th December and we have discussed having a party in June instead but we've never done it - and she's 16 now! But if we did I'd still expect close family to wish her a happy birthday and a card on her actual birthday and it would have been up to them if they deferred the present until the summer.

I’m taking issue with you saying the MIL is being ‘ridiculous’ for acknowledging the actual date.

You’re now back-tracking and saying this is OK to do. Which it is.

Of course there is going to be more to the relationship than we can know. That’s a given.

But bottom line - it absolutely should be fine for close family members to acknowledge the actual day.

The OP is being beyond petty to get annoyed by that.

She is the one to come on here and post, and ask people what they think - right?

We did a similar thing for the same reason, but also celebrated her actual birthday. A small party on her birthday, and a summer party in the garden for school friends when DD was little - invites said no pressies or party clothes. DD is grown up now, but always has a small gift on her 1/2 birthday.

I had a friend born on Christmas Day who celebrated a half birthday. It's not complicated at all. As far as relatives/friends are concerned, her birthday is celebrated in June and that's the end of it.

Unfortunately she also wanted the usual birthday between Xmas and NY as well!!!!

Well yes, that was her actual birthday

My birthday is Dec 30th, a Christmas birthday is really not the end of the world and it’s unreasonable to expect their grandparents to not give a gift or wish them happy birthday on the actual day.
I guess Boxing Day is more tricky than mine, but you could just have a party the first weekend in the new year, that’s what my parents did when I was at school. And have family give gifts and wish them a happy birthday on their actual birthday otherwise it will be confusing for them and a bit sad to not recognise the actual day. I find it strange celebrating so far away from the actual birthday. I had a lot of cinema or ice skating birthdays growing up and that could be done on the 27th as things are open.
I don’t really mind my birthday date, it means I was never at school or work for it 🥳

I have to say I'd do an extreme amount of eye rolling if I received an invite to a "half birthday" celebration! I don't think I'd be happy giving gifts then instead of at their actual birthday!

What do you actually do to acknowledge it? Do you still have a bit of celebration, have a birthday cake, give gifts etc? If you do, and just have an extra party in the summer, I don't see what your MIL has to complain about. If you don't do those things, and all the gifts, cake etc is done in the summer, that's really weird, and if I was your MIL I'd be challenging you too. When your child is old enough to know what's going on, they'll likely tell you how wrong this is as well.

Then why can't she acknowledge it too?
I understand having a half birthday party (sort of) but you as a family celebrate her actual birthday and just have a party for her little friends later on. But I think you're using this as a great reason to rant about your MIL. YABU

Your child's birthday is your child's birthday. To expect everyone to pretend their actual birthday is another day is weird and confusing for the child and everybody else. Having a party with friends in the summer makes sense, but not to give them family presents on the day is kind of disrespectful to the child. Like 'we have important boxing day traditions and your birthday can't spoil those'. Fair enough to say their friends are probably busy with their own family transitions and so wouldn't come to a party, but to ignore you child's birthday as actual family is unkind

@Samisreplying it's interesting that you're an advocate for op parenting her/your way but are calling others out for not doing it as well as you both 🤦🏼‍♀️, it doesn't read that people are "jealous" as much as your reaction reads that you have a poor relationship with your MIL.

My son has a December birthday and we do have a double celebration, he loves Christmas so is more than happy with double the magic on his day. Everyone is busy around this time though so he looks forward to second get together with his friends in Jan. Absolutely zero drama, we make a big fuss on the day and he has something to look forward to.

Granted, I've never asked my family to ignore the actual day but I can imagine my family feeling uncomfortable with doing that too but they'd be more than happy to celebrate again in the summer. There are easy compromises around this that avoid all issue. OP can let people choose when to give gifts and give theirs and accept school friends gifts at her party in the summer.

At our kids school they get a happy birthday message in assembly and the newsletters, would you advise asking the school to do that for the half birthday instead??? On her 18th, will she want to wait 6 months before celebrating in the bars with her friends? It's not confusing in principle but actually it's a bit precious and not necessary to have the world play along to achieve a happy occasion for your child.

I don't understand your problem. You say you acknowledge the actual birthday, and that's when your MIL sends a card and a gift.
So, you want her to send another card and a gift on this made-up half birthday...?

I just don't get how her wanting to celebrate the actual day makes her the baddie of the story. Most people who have a birthday at Christmastime celebrate, say, a week early or late. Not whole 6 months late.

I'm getting the feeling this is not at all about the bdays but you not getting along the MIL and fighting over every little issue. Just breathe and let go. She's right on this one.

People are being a bit mean to you and tbh it sounds like lots of people born around Christmas are just jealous and wishing their own parents had done a better job.

No, I was born on 27th and was offered and never wanted a strange faux birthday. Tbh that sounds like your projection in trying to convince yourself it's better than celebrating your child's birthday on the actual day she was born 🤷‍♀️

I used to know a lady with twin girls born on 25th December and she would celebrate their birthday with family, birthday cards and birthday cake along side xmas presents and xmas dinner and then they’d have a 25th June half birthday where they’d receive birthday gifts and have a party with family and friends. She explained that that way their birthday was acknowledged and they also got the joy of two separate gifting days instead of being bombarded with more gifts than they can play with over the Christmas period. I don’t think you’re unreasonable for wanting to have a half birthday celebration but I do think you should allow MIL to send birthday cards on your little one’s actual birthday. Maybe reach a compromise of a birthday card but xmas gift only during xmas period and then birthday gift in June.

Never heard of that. Asked my hubby as I know grannie in-law had a birthday on Christmas day. ( I only knew her for a year or so.) Her birthday was in the morning so no Xmas presents opened in their house til after lunch. Christmas day was celebrated after lunch. Also sounds a tad unusual but according to hubby it worked ok. (Not sure how kids got their heads round it but grannie lived in their village and they were very close to her so presumably he's not making this up.

Maybe you haven't explained the situation clearly as it doesn't make sense to me. You are angry about your inlaws wishing your daughter happy birthday on her birthday.

Stupid idea your child will grow up very confused.

If you look back at my posts you will see that I have not done that actually. I have said MIL is being silly for continuing after 3 years to make a thing out this. And I've supported the idea of moving her child's main celebrations to a later date. As a Christmas baby I can tell you it wasn't fun growing up having to make do with shared birthday and Christmas presents - I'm over it now but would definitely not want that for my child, if I had the choice.

We don't know what else has gone on between MIL and op - so may seem petty to you but actually may be a bigger issue.

But bottom line - it absolutely should be fine for close family members to acknowledge the actual day.
If you read the op's posts she says that the day is acknowledged - so I don't quite get your point here!

Either way it's her child - not her MIL's - up to the parents to decide on things like this. Whether you or I think it's silly is irrelevant - even if she asks for opinions

I think a half birthday is a lovely idea. Much nicer to have a special day in mid-summer than trying to compete with Christmas.