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Original poster

Half birthdays

459 replies

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:39

I have a young child (actually 3) with a fella who moved from Scotland to be with me get married and start a family.

Because the child was born on the 26th dec I said from the start of pregnancy that we were going to celebrate her half birthday (ie 6 months later) not on the day so that she had something to look forward to and her friends would be more likely to attend parties etc.

MIL rings every year because she is “confused” and it’s “too complicated” “why aren’t we celebrating on the 26th” etc… honestly it’s been a few years and this happens every year and we re explain it and our reasons and yet she still sends card and present and says happy birthday to her etc. each bit I suppose is fine but collectively it feels like a manipulative act to refuse to accept our families wishes.

my partner gets put in the middle and feels unhappy that his mum is unhapppy and maybe we should change.

his mum hates me because she feels like I have stolen her son and there are repeated narratives of how I am keeping him and my children away from her - actually untrue im the person (with no pleasure) suggesting we go and visit her and invite her when we do. I let her not my own mother come in to my only hospital visit when I had my child so she could see him.

so help me. Is a half birthday really SO difficult to wrap your head round? AITB? Or is she just using this as another way to undermine me because this was always primarily my decision and should I stand firm and set boundaries? I don’t want to be unreasonable

OP posts:
Tiredandgrumpy31 · 31/12/2023 14:49

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:48

We still acknowledge it !

So why are you upset your MIL is acknowledging it on the actual day too

Phoenixfire1988 · 31/12/2023 15:04

She was born when she was born end of story celebrating her birthday 6 months later is ridiculous so I'm not at all surprised no one else even acknowledges it and your poor child will be even more confused, like what do you do just pick a random day and be like that's when we will celebrate ? Weird AF!!
everyone else with a Christmas birthday manages you aren't special you're just over complicating things and yes being completely unreasonable !

OkCupcake · 31/12/2023 15:05

2 of my kids birthdays are I December. It sucks but we deal with it. We invite their friends around throughout the year and have fun days out (without labelling it a birthday or anything) the only downside is that as a mother of 4, the amount of toys I have to find a place for in December is ridiculous! As for their actual birthday, invites are sent out nice and early with plenty of reminders!

Susuwatariandkodama · 31/12/2023 15:06

I’m amazed how many people find this odd? I thought it was quite a common thing? I’m a January baby but I would have much preferred if my parents did ah Alf birthday for me as I hate having a winter birthday, I’m always too wet and too cold to do anything nice.
OP I think if you still acknowledge the birthdays then your MiL isn’t doing anything wrong.

Are you having the main celebrations in the summer and on your dc’d actual birthday do you do a smaller celebration just as a family?

BoyMamma2 · 31/12/2023 15:11

Sorry I’m with your MIL. His birthday is the day he was born. I have a nephew who my sister pushes his party for friends to end Jan but family etc celebrate on his birthday

LinnieM · 31/12/2023 15:15

Wtf is a half birthday?

Both my cousin and grandma have their birthday on the 27th of December. It’s celebrated on the 27th of December (usually on the weekend before or after actually). No clue what the half birthday is about and it sounds like a faff

Kitkatcatflap · 31/12/2023 15:16

When I was at school my friend on Christmas day had an 2nd birthday in June, it was the same date every year. I am in my 50s so it has been a thing for a while. She would have a card and a small gift and a 'shop' cake on Christmas day but a main present and a party with school friends in June. Didn't call it half birthday - she said it was like the Queen - who had a family birthday and a public birthday. She was quite proud of it.

TonTonMacoute · 31/12/2023 15:16

DSs birthday is 23 December, that's the day we celebrate it as a family and treat like any other birthday.

When he was little I did a 'birthday' party for him sometime during the summer. We called it a birthday party, everyone brought presents and got party bags, some knew it wasn't his real birthday and some didn't. Most were just happy to come along to a party.

It doesn't need to be any more complicated than that.

Palava57 · 31/12/2023 15:20

I had a half birthday arrangement with a school friend between mine on 26/12 and hers on 26/6 but no one else really involved 😂 At least I never had to go to school on my birthday 😊

OneMoreTime23 · 31/12/2023 15:22

Surely you do something on the day and then a party on the half birthday???

DH has a crappy new year birthday so on major birthdays we do a half birthday for him.

Iamnotalemming · 31/12/2023 15:23

I've never heard of a half birthday. I'd be concerned that DC could feel like their actual birthday is not important enough to celebrate.

Also, nothing to stop you having a summer party for DC and her friends just because.

Mememe9898 · 31/12/2023 15:26

If you are going to set something up that’s so ridiculous don’t expect everyone else to go along with it. That’s not her birthday. It’s 6 months later. Your MIL has every right to celebrate her actual birthday as it’s factually correct.
You can do it but what happens when she gets older and says why is my birthday celebrated 6 months down the line. What’s wrong with a December birthday? I’m sure one day she’ll want her actual birthday to be acknowledged. I’m born in winter and if someone said let’s do a half birthday in the summer for you I’d be like WTF. A birthday is the day you are actually born every year. That’s what it means not changed to suit a specific reason.

SweetChilliChickenWrap · 31/12/2023 15:26

We did a half birthday for my mum once when she was about 80. It worked in the summer that year because she had a hot air balloon ride that she wouldn't have been able to do in December.

Unfortunately she also wanted the usual birthday between Xmas and NY as well!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

We didn't do it again! But if in the future there was a present that needed summer for it to happen, we'd just say it was extra.

PopandFizz · 31/12/2023 15:28

It is odd not to celebrate their actual birthday too and I don't see why you would begrudge this. Especially when they are so young!

I know people who celebrate half birthdays AS WELL for this reason but never in place of.
I also know a family with a Xmas day baby and they just celebrate with a party at the start of December instead.

I don't think you should stop doing half birthdays but you also need to acknowledge people want to celebrate their actual birthday. Just do a half birthday party and if you want to do presents at that point fair enough but it's odd to expect cards etc on a half birthday for anyone other than family.

Riverlee · 31/12/2023 15:31

I have a Christmas dc. He used to have a small half year present as well.

However, I we also acknowledge his actual birthday, and I would never refuse anyone wishing him a happy birthday on his birthday.

When your child goes to school, starts filling in forms etc, they may get confused if they think their birthday is in June not December, so they do need to know when their actual birthday is.

I don’t think she’s undermining you, but just wants to celebrate your dc’s birthday on the day they were born.

marshmallowfinder · 31/12/2023 15:32

Absolutely not worth the bother. Mine's the 23rd Dec and that's the day. That's it. It's completely fine.

Hadalifeonce · 31/12/2023 15:34

We used to celebrate the actual day with family, then have an 'unbirthday' party in the summer with her friends.

AnneValentine · 31/12/2023 15:40

People are going to think you have lost the plot when she starts school.

savethatkitty · 31/12/2023 15:43

You are ridiculous. From another mum with a christmas baby (well, 17 years old now).

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 31/12/2023 15:43

StarlightLime · 31/12/2023 14:45

That's equally bizarre. Why can't they just visit for a normal holiday in June rather than try to celebrate Christmas? It doesn't even make any sense.

Show quote history

They like to celebrate Christmas together but can't endure the high temps of an Oz summer - who are you to say it's bizarre to have a roast dinner and exchange gifts in June?

Iloveshoes123 · 31/12/2023 15:44

Your MIL sounds like a pain in the arse but I find your half birthday thing ridiculous. I mean fine if you want an additional celebration maybe for her to have a party with friends (but why not do that middle/end of Jan) but to not give her cards and presents on her birthday is very odd. I don't think she will thank you when she grows up.

Tessa92 · 31/12/2023 15:45

Just today I heard of an acquaintance who was 80 on Christmas Day. His wife explained that they’ve always opened their Christmas presents on Christmas Eve (like the Royal family do) as they celebrate his birthday on Christmas Day.

Multipleexclamationmarks · 31/12/2023 15:53

It's you not her.

Bournetilly · 31/12/2023 15:54

I know someone who does this for their DC and I don’t find it odd (maybe because I’m used to it) but if this is what you have decided to do then your MIL is being awkward trying to go against your wishes. I would save the card and present for the half birthday.

Personally if it was my child I just would celebrate on the day and throw a party for them in January as I would find it strange not celebrating on their actual birthday.

HappyHappyNEWYEAR · 31/12/2023 16:01

My birthday is Christmas Day. I have never heard of such nonsense! Your daughter is lucky that she gets her own day for her birthday on the 26th but even those whose birthdays are throughout the year don’t necessarily have parties/celebrations on their actual birthdays due to where the day falls/work/school etc So I wouldn’t follow along with it either.