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Original poster

Half birthdays

459 replies

Ekbygum · 20/12/2023 23:39

I have a young child (actually 3) with a fella who moved from Scotland to be with me get married and start a family.

Because the child was born on the 26th dec I said from the start of pregnancy that we were going to celebrate her half birthday (ie 6 months later) not on the day so that she had something to look forward to and her friends would be more likely to attend parties etc.

MIL rings every year because she is “confused” and it’s “too complicated” “why aren’t we celebrating on the 26th” etc… honestly it’s been a few years and this happens every year and we re explain it and our reasons and yet she still sends card and present and says happy birthday to her etc. each bit I suppose is fine but collectively it feels like a manipulative act to refuse to accept our families wishes.

my partner gets put in the middle and feels unhappy that his mum is unhapppy and maybe we should change.

his mum hates me because she feels like I have stolen her son and there are repeated narratives of how I am keeping him and my children away from her - actually untrue im the person (with no pleasure) suggesting we go and visit her and invite her when we do. I let her not my own mother come in to my only hospital visit when I had my child so she could see him.

so help me. Is a half birthday really SO difficult to wrap your head round? AITB? Or is she just using this as another way to undermine me because this was always primarily my decision and should I stand firm and set boundaries? I don’t want to be unreasonable

OP posts:
Metallicant · 31/12/2023 18:08

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

NosinaBook · 31/12/2023 18:15

My youngest has a birthday a few days near Christmas so for parties, weekends away etc we usually plan something for November. However friends and family still mark his actual birthday with well wishes, cards & gifts. I'm struggling to see why you're annoyed and think inventing a half birthday concept is mental enough to expect non compliance. You can do what you want as a family but others will probably only care about/ remember your child's real birthday.

webs1991 · 31/12/2023 18:38

Sorry I do think you are being unreasonable and a bit silly I would just live and learn and move on

Loopylooo22 · 31/12/2023 18:53

If you still acknowledge the REAL birthday, why are you getting peed off that MIL want’s to acknowledge her REAL birthday?
In fact surely being a ‘boxing day baby’ would mean lots of family from near and far might actually be able to come and spend it with DD?

I get not doing a party for friends close to boxing day (personally I think 1 month before or after is plenty of time).
But she will feel so rejected in years to come when she knows her birthday is 26th December and you’ve forced all members (outside of your home) to not acknowledge it because you get b*tchy at them every year when they’ve called to say Happy Birthday.

Accept that you’re in the wrong here and stop making MIL feel like crap for calling her gran-wain on her birthday and making hubby feel like crap because his mum feels like crap!

fairycakes77 · 31/12/2023 19:03

I'm in a similar boat to you, I have a December baby and there's not much you can do because it gets overshadowed by Christmas, I can't even buy him birthday paper I have to do that in October!
We celebrate his birthday as normal on his actual birthday but when he is a little older and has friends we're planning on doing a special day during the summer months where we can take him to a theme park or he can pick when it's not cold and miserable and Christmassy! He won't get any gifts or birthday cake because that's for his birthday only.
We haven't declared this, we've just decided between ourselves that it's something we as his parents are planning to do.
Maybe you should've taken that approach and not got everyone else involved?

DavidBowieLover · 31/12/2023 19:07

You referred to your daughter as “the child”. What parent says that?? Maybe “my child”, at a push, or “my girl, daughter” etc, but “the child?” That’s fucking weird.

SutWytTi · 31/12/2023 19:10

fairycakes77 · 31/12/2023 19:03

I'm in a similar boat to you, I have a December baby and there's not much you can do because it gets overshadowed by Christmas, I can't even buy him birthday paper I have to do that in October!
We celebrate his birthday as normal on his actual birthday but when he is a little older and has friends we're planning on doing a special day during the summer months where we can take him to a theme park or he can pick when it's not cold and miserable and Christmassy! He won't get any gifts or birthday cake because that's for his birthday only.
We haven't declared this, we've just decided between ourselves that it's something we as his parents are planning to do.
Maybe you should've taken that approach and not got everyone else involved?

Of course you can buy birthday paper, I bought some mid-December.

HMW1906 · 31/12/2023 19:36

So you don’t celebrate on her actual birthday at all?!?! That’s really odd and confusing, poor kid, she’s not going to have a clue when her birthday is when she’s older. Do you do the half birthday on the same date every year or just pick a date that suits every year? I don’t think you’re MIL is being unreasonable to want to acknowledge her birthday on her actual birthday, I think you are unreasonable to want to try to move her birthday every year.

Just celebrate on her birthday and do her birthday party the first weekend of January.

My son has a December birthday so we do his party on the last weekend of November so more people are likely to be able to come.

12345change · 31/12/2023 19:46

DeeLusional · 31/12/2023 18:08

A bit harsh. Like a lot of comments on MN actually. OP doesn't want DD's birthday disappearing into the xmas melee and let's face it, many xmas babies get the "This is for xmas and your birthday" treatment. I do think DD and granny should be allowed to celebrate the actual birthday though. How many grandchildren does granny have?

Show quote history

Agree - this is exactly what used to happen with me - my grand parents happened to the worst for this - joint Christmas and Birthday gifts it is not nice as a child. If I ever had a child near Christmas I would do what this op is doing. MIL is being silly.

Jackfrostnippingatmynose · 31/12/2023 19:52

Because she wanted a party in their tiny garden outside in summer rather than in the miserable winter months.
We have a few family birthdays around Xmas and NY and they complain of receiving reycled presents, or birthday presents wrapped in xmas wrapping paper (not from me!)

stepintochristmas1 · 31/12/2023 20:01

It seems like OP thinks a Christmas time birthday is unusual , it's not . I include my son in this his is between Christmas and new year . We've always celebrated on his birthday . People have birthdays all year round . I just feel sorry for the poor sods who have a birthday on the 29th of February .

Notchangingnameagain · 31/12/2023 20:23

A friend does this. It’s weird.

CommonOrNot · 31/12/2023 20:27

QuillBill · 31/12/2023 10:09

And you just decided this without her input and if her grandmother wishes her happy birthday in December do you get pissed off and tell her grandmother that your friend will find it confusing and that she mustn't tell her it's her birthday in December because you have decided it's in the summer?

Show quote history

Oh do fuck off I knew there’d be some idiot that takes leaping to assumptions as an Olympic sport.
where on earth did I say I decided without her input? Fuck off and stop being such a misery.

Lozziem82 · 31/12/2023 20:42

As someone who was born at 11:45pm on Christmas Eve, please DONT do half birthdays.
it doesn’t feel better, your child isn’t actually getting another year older so it’s a bit of a redundant idea.
I’ve never liked my birthday, but I can’t change it. My partner tries to make it special and the day is dedicated to celebrating me in a way my family never did growing up.
So maybe do the same for your child. If you have to, make the 26th BIGGER than Christmas Day. Don’t worry about kids parties etc for a while, if you have to in a few years then do it a few weeks earlier. I’ve only had 3 parties in my life.
I hate saying it, I don’t think your MIL is really trying to disrespect you. It’s just that it’s an idea of yours that won’t work in the long run.

Frangipanyoul8r · 31/12/2023 20:43

I think you need to admit you’ve made a mistake on this one. If you didn’t want a December birthday, you shouldn’t have got pregnant when you did. You can’t just change your child’s birthday, it’s part of their identity.

Luckyduc · 31/12/2023 21:06

Pretty sure the Royal family do this. This is why the queen had 2 birthdays...however I do think its totally stupid.

Daisyblue77 · 31/12/2023 21:12

This is just about the most ridiculous thing i gave read, half birthdays are not a thing. Your mother in law is not unreasonable. I think you may be the reason she does not like you, you seem controlling. How can you say you acknowledge her birthday but dont allow presents and cards. You are being totally unreasonable and just strange

hot2trotter · 31/12/2023 21:13

Team MIL.
One of the stupidest things I've ever read on here and that's saying something.

Yellowpingu · 31/12/2023 21:14

Christmas Eve baby here with a son born in January. Gifting tickets for something during Spring/Summer is a good way of celebrating the birthday ON THE DAY but also giving something to look forward to and doesn’t involve any confusion notions of half birthdays. If you have more than one child then it’s a sure fire way of causing resentment if one gets two birthdays and everyone else only gets one

GodDammitCecil · 31/12/2023 21:19

12345change · 31/12/2023 16:05

I am still amazed at how ridiculous people are on here. It is perfectly fine for the OP to do this and the MIL is the ridiculous one. It has been a number of years and she deliberately makes a fuss still. The MIL needs to get over it.

Edited

How is the MIL ‘ridiculous’ for acknowledging her grandchild’s actual birthday?

1mabon · 31/12/2023 21:19

I agree.

1mabon · 31/12/2023 21:20

I agree that it is a silly thing to do, what's the matter with you. Her birthday is the day she was born, the clue is "birth day".

TroglodytesTroglodytes · 31/12/2023 21:21

You had good intentions but I think you need to nip this in the bud. Your child is not going to be a toddler forever and you can’t expect everyone that comes into their life to indulge you in this half birthday thing. There friends, extended family of the future just won’t.

PurpleBugz · 31/12/2023 21:21

Let MIL send birthday gifts on the actual birthday and then do the half birthday for everyone else.

I don't think it's that odd. I have a friend who has a Christmas even child. She does the half birthday thing. But what kisses me off there is she expects birthday cards etc on the actual birthday and had a right face on her when I turned up to the half birthday party without a gift. Gifts once a year either on the birthday or half birthday not both

gemma19846 · 31/12/2023 21:24

This is absolutely stupid! Its not her birthday in June. If youre not happy to celebrate the day she entered the world on that day then you shouldnt expect people to falsely celebrate 6 months later! This is one of the most ridiculous things ive ever heard