Page 6 | Is anyone awake? DV

Isanyoneawake44 · 2023-12-20T02:05:23+00:00

The police have taken my husband into custody not long ago, I have to stay awake so they can come back for a statement. Its DV related. He's also in the army. Does anyone know what will happen now? We own the home jointly, will he be allowed back here? I think I did the wrong thing, I can't do this. I've got 3 children at home, no local support, am pregnant and have to make it through tommorow on no sleep.

Ogham · 27/12/2023 11:59

please don’t involve his dad especially if SS are getting in touch with you.
Is he acting out at the moment or is this typical behaviour? My guess is that he’s acting out because of the changes and he’s uncertain of what is happening. Can you reassure him that everything will be ok and I’m sure he’ll settle down in a couple of days.
You’re doing great, keep thinking of the bigger picture.

TheShellBeach · 27/12/2023 12:23

I agree with the PP.
It would be wrong and unfortunate to involve your husband.

Is the one who is acting up your oldest child?

Original poster

Isanyoneawake44 · 27/12/2023 15:01

Thank you, the middle one. I think he's lashing out as he doesn't understand

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TheShellBeach · 27/12/2023 15:03

Aw he is only a little boy.

I know that's really unhelpful when he's kicking and screaming though.

Original poster

Isanyoneawake44 · 27/12/2023 15:13

It's okay, I feel for him however he's too big for me to pick up safely and remove from the situation safely so no one gets hurt.

Dreading having a newborn too

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Anontocomment · 27/12/2023 15:14

SSAFA can also help you, as can the Padre - you don't have to be religious or in base housing to ask for them & they usually have access to sources of support.

Unhelpful as this is going to sound, your son is just acting up as he's missing his dad. It could also be that he's witnessed some of the abuse and is cppying it so you really don't want him to be with stb-ex.

You don'r need to wait for SS to contact you if you think they can help; the other option too is the NSPCC - they are really good at helping.

You have got this. You are strong - you proved that by ringing the police. Hang on in there xxx

AlwaysWearSPF · 27/12/2023 16:36

Isanyoneawake44 · 26/12/2023 21:26

Thank you for your kindness.

I've started a diary to keep track of things. Not sure what I should do re fianaces as have a joint and sole account and not sure what he will transfer but also not sure if I'm able to claim UC when I have no proof we are seperating, mind you, that's something I haven't even discussed with him.

Had a quick look at solicitors, not even something I can even think about at present

Called 101 to ask if I can be given a main point of contact and wondering how they will proceed.

Also wondering if I should ring social services myself rather than waiting for them to ring and being crippled with anxiety.

Then to top it off I've managed to get a cough and sore throat to add to my exhaustion. Go me.....

Meanwhile starting to fret I have absolutely nothing for the baby at present, wasn't a baby on the agenda
Maybe I should start, and find a magic money tree on the way.

Just reading this thread...today my husband snapped and bit my face. The whole of my right eye is swollen. We have a 4month old and two daughters from my previous marriage 19 and 15 YO. They ran in and told him to get out and he is now out of the family home. I didn't call the police because I didn't fancy being local neighbourhood gossip.

In regard to stuff for the baby, I have lots of clothes, pram and other useful items I can give to you for free. I've looked after them really well from a smoke free house.

whatsitcalledwhen · 27/12/2023 16:45

@AlwaysWearSPF

Jesus, what an evil man. I'm so sorry.

You really do need to report this to the police though so that you can access the support you will need to safely escape him completely.

The most dangerous time for a woman with an abusive male partner is when she leaves him. It's also something she has to do in order to stay safe.

So you need professionals to help keep you and your children safe.

Please do call them. If you don't feel ready, please call Women's Aid who can help you with next steps with no judgement.

Pinkbonbon · 27/12/2023 16:54

AlwaysWearSPF · 27/12/2023 16:36

Just reading this thread...today my husband snapped and bit my face. The whole of my right eye is swollen. We have a 4month old and two daughters from my previous marriage 19 and 15 YO. They ran in and told him to get out and he is now out of the family home. I didn't call the police because I didn't fancy being local neighbourhood gossip.

In regard to stuff for the baby, I have lots of clothes, pram and other useful items I can give to you for free. I've looked after them really well from a smoke free house.

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Holy shit, that's about the most terrifying thing I've read on here ever.

FYI heads up, he didn't 'snap'. He didn't lose control. Abusers like you to THINK their actions are out of anger, because you've 'made them do it' (so that you'll walk on eggshells from then on). That isn't actually the case. They are deliberately angry and aggressive in order to scare and intimidate you.

Please speak to the police. Go into the station if you don't want them coming out to you. This man is terrifying and dangerous and you'd be wise to keep your kids away from him. He.bit.your.face. Fuck. I mean who is he, Hanibal Lector?

Get pictures and go to your gp to get checked and have it on record too. But please also go to the police so that you can keep yourself safe from him in future. Seriously op. I've seen a lot on here ever the past decade...this is top tier horrifying.

Neighbourly gossip will be nothing in comparison to him coming back and killing you if you let him back into your lives. Go to the police and get the fucker locked away. He should be nowhere near you or your children. And before you say 'he'd never hurt the kids' he HAS - they saw him bite their mothers face! That'll traumatise them for life.

I also bet you'd have said 'he'd never bite me' before he bit you. But he did. So he absolutely is a physical threat to your kids. Go to the police, they'll take this very seriously. With a bit of luck they may even lock him up longterm. They bloody well should.

Don't feel responsible for his actions because you are not. People like him need to be locked away. He's a bad person. And he means you harm. Remember that and protect yourself!

Ps: you and your teenagers would all benefit from doing the freedom programme. It can be done cheaply online. It helps you spot abusive behaviour in relationships so thar hopefully the cycle of dating abusive partners will not repeat itself in future.

Original poster

Isanyoneawake44 · 27/12/2023 17:43

AlwaysWearSPF · 27/12/2023 16:36

Just reading this thread...today my husband snapped and bit my face. The whole of my right eye is swollen. We have a 4month old and two daughters from my previous marriage 19 and 15 YO. They ran in and told him to get out and he is now out of the family home. I didn't call the police because I didn't fancy being local neighbourhood gossip.

In regard to stuff for the baby, I have lots of clothes, pram and other useful items I can give to you for free. I've looked after them really well from a smoke free house.

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My goodness, please please report this to the police xx

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TheShellBeach · 28/12/2023 19:22

How are you and the children today, OP?

Raspberrymoon49 · 28/12/2023 22:31

Children in these situations can’t process their emotions and lashing out is part of that, by the time your baby arrives OP they will have been in a calmer environment for several weeks and their confusion will be settling, they won’t be in an environment of tension and although it may not feel like it you are all beginning to heal away from that toxicity

Original poster

Isanyoneawake44 · 29/12/2023 16:51

Doing okay, nothing to really update.

I'm wondering whether on the 2nd to take some time off work or go in and just use it as an escape despite the high pressured fast nature of it all or whether to get the children back in a routine, have some time off and see what happens.

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CandyLeBonBon · 29/12/2023 16:55

Jesus Christ @AlwaysWearSPF please tell the police. Local gossip be damned. The man BIT you. You absolutely cannot let that go unreported.

redastherose · 29/12/2023 17:31

Isanyoneawake44 · 29/12/2023 16:51

Doing okay, nothing to really update.

I'm wondering whether on the 2nd to take some time off work or go in and just use it as an escape despite the high pressured fast nature of it all or whether to get the children back in a routine, have some time off and see what happens.

If you feel you have the energy then you might find it helpful to go into work. I have always found that the routine and concentration needed for work has helped me during extremely stressful situations as it give your brain a chance to get off the hamster wheel of repeating things over and over in your head.

Original poster

Isanyoneawake44 · 29/12/2023 18:22

redastherose · 29/12/2023 17:31

If you feel you have the energy then you might find it helpful to go into work. I have always found that the routine and concentration needed for work has helped me during extremely stressful situations as it give your brain a chance to get off the hamster wheel of repeating things over and over in your head.

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Exactly what I'm thinking but I do have big exams coming up but I can go in and try... keep some normality

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CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 29/12/2023 21:48

Your workplace may have a policy

Original poster

Isanyoneawake44 · 30/12/2023 19:47

I can't do this. Children are constantly physically fighting, no discipline at all works 😢 I can't describe how horrendous it is. I have MS as well as being pregnant and can't believe I have been so stupid to put myself in this position. There is no no way I can have this baby.
I am barely hanging on by a thread. I don't even want to be here anymore and have absolutely no where to turn, what an absolutely dismal situation

How on earth can I parent 4, 3 of which will be under 5 and one possibly ND.

I am drowning

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TheShellBeach · 30/12/2023 20:05

They will be back at school or nursery soon, won't they?
It's always hard when they're at home all day, every day.

You can do this. I know you're feeling sad and weak at the moment but you'll come out stronger one day.

Have you asked your mum to come and help?

Original poster

Isanyoneawake44 · 30/12/2023 20:08

They will the 2nd but I'm back at work too. Then it will be drop offs pick ups, lunches, baths, clothes out, washing etc.
My uncle has been taken ill so my mum can't come at the moment my dad is here still but he's elderly and can't actually help really which makes it even harder.

Trying to think of how to survive tomorrow and honestly don't know if I can

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Oxborn · 30/12/2023 20:10

Yes it will be hard but you can do it have you got any baby/toddler groups locally start trying to build a social network for yourself has Ss been in contact ask for help look to see if you have a home start organisation it doesn’t make you weak asking for help your doing amazing keep strong

Oxborn · 30/12/2023 20:12

Isanyoneawake44 · 30/12/2023 20:08

They will the 2nd but I'm back at work too. Then it will be drop offs pick ups, lunches, baths, clothes out, washing etc.
My uncle has been taken ill so my mum can't come at the moment my dad is here still but he's elderly and can't actually help really which makes it even harder.

Trying to think of how to survive tomorrow and honestly don't know if I can

You can do it, do you get sick pay maybe get the kids back to nursery and school and take a week of sick, if you want to pm me ever please do

AlwaysWearSPF · 30/12/2023 20:14

Isanyoneawake44 · 30/12/2023 20:08

They will the 2nd but I'm back at work too. Then it will be drop offs pick ups, lunches, baths, clothes out, washing etc.
My uncle has been taken ill so my mum can't come at the moment my dad is here still but he's elderly and can't actually help really which makes it even harder.

Trying to think of how to survive tomorrow and honestly don't know if I can

I'm in the same boat as you. I have no support can't think how I'll cope financially.

Go to your GP see if you can get some time off work. Also speak to your local Perinatal team. I don't have children under five like you it's just me and my 4 month old but I can relate. It will get harder before it gets better.

Also speaking to your local authorities like SS they may help you. I'm sure they will be in touch if the police have been involved.

Pinkbonbon · 30/12/2023 20:18

Anyone would struggle with 4. Don't be harsh on yourself, no one is wonderwoman.

Reach out for support wherever you can.

Also, I know it may be jumping the gun here but, foster care might be an option for the new baby, at least until you feel more able to manage. Couldn't harm to look into this. It's not failing to do what's best for you because in turn, that will help the kids. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

In your position I might even ask around to see if a a relative or female friend could take any of the children in for a while.

Original poster

Isanyoneawake44 · 30/12/2023 20:40

Ss are Happy I'm safeguarding the children and accessing support from a IDVA so are happy to close the case.
Going to contact IDVA Mon, and midwife and HV I've found a few local groups I could go to but how pathetic turning up in this state, but one might help.my ND son and I can go alone.

Going to send Work an email but how on earth I word it I'm not sure and need to look at the polices.

I cannot believe I have put myself in this situation
I knew better than this. I am beyond ashamed.

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