Sex with husband in a new marriage - I am disappointed and sad

[Gabrietta]

I wasn't quite sure where I could post this and thought I would try here.

I have been married for a year. I didn't have much sexual experience before I met my husband (I had some experience from previous relationships, but i came from a conservative Christian background and i always just about stopped myself from going 'all the way' due to a feeling that it was 'forbidden'. I did sleep with my husband before we married though').

I thought it would be amazing - because everyone says it is - but I feel disappointed by our sex together and quite sad.

My husband never looks at me naked. He hardly ever touches my body (I have hinted that caressing is nice, and occasionally he does it but I think it's more of an obligation when he does). I don't feel like he fancies my body that much.

I caress him though, and I say nice things about his body. I say I like seeing him naked. But he doesn't really reciprocate or ever imply I'm sexy (he does tell me he finds my face beautiful.... But i feel he says it like he's admiring a painting).

I think I've climaxed once since being married. I don't feel very desired and I don't look forward to sex.

It wasn't great before we married (though it was in the very earliest days), but I thought it would get better after getting married.

Is this experience normal? Is sex often disappointing? Is it bigged up to be something it isn't? Am I being reasonable to feel disappointed, or is this just how it gets?

Sorry if there's been too much info here.

@Gabrietta I hate to say this, but I've been where you are. And it won't get better. Here, also, we didn't 'do much' before marriage (his choice, not mine, but also for 'religious reasons') and - like you - I thought it didn't matter, and would be ok after we were married.

It wasn't.

I won't tell you what to do, but I think you should consider very hard if this marriage is for you. Don't stay because you feel sorry for him, or that you're worried what others might think. I did, and it was a mistake. Now I'm happy and out the other side. But so much of your story resonates with me.

Don't be afraid to fight for what matters for you. Good luck, OP

Similar here. I lasted 23 years before I called time. I wish I'd done it sooner. Like you, I didn't fancy my husband. Someone else woke me from a deep sleep! My goodness. Did I wake up!

Wish I'd ended my marriage sooner. Nothing changed.

My husband didn't have many girlfriends before he met me. One, in fact. She turned out to be a lesbian and ran off with a woman. He was 30, I was 19. Naive and stupid. Sex was crap. No passion. Eventually, I resigned myself to a sexless marriage...of many years.

Menopause changed that. Couldn't handle the fact I knew I didn't fancy him. There were other issues which annoyed me too (like I did everything else around the house even though my job was more hours/more responsibilities).

I would drool over Mr Gere on TV.

Another man woke me from a dormant state. The most passionate and affectionate man ever!

My marriage ended. I woke up! Big regrets about not doing it sooner.

OP, this seems a helpful, and hopeful post. Can you share it with your DH?

The bra thing may be a genuine misunderstanding, and you both need to communicate better, but please don't put up with rubbish sex, life's too short. And don't get pregnant till this is sorted.

@Gabrietta Did you start a thread about this a few days before this one, under another username?

It is almost identical to one by someone with a user name something like Appelea

Would he be willing to look at a website about sex with you and talk about it? Have a look at https://start.omgyes.com/

Lack of sexual experience is not necessarily an insurmountable problem

Well, given we all lacked sexual experience once, then it should be something that you can work through fine with the right man.

However, you don't need experience to care about someone else's sexual needs and want to meet those needs. Even experienced lovers need to work out what works a new lover in their life.

You also don't need to be sexually experienced to know that finishing in literally 2 seconds isn't good. He should at least be trying to address that... I'm guessing his refractory period is pretty short if he cums to very easily first time... and he'd be able to get an erection again in 10-20 minutes. Those 10-20 minutes could be well spent doing a whole load of other sexual stuff that doesn't involve him having an erection, then when he does again, you'll firstly be more in the mood after lots of foreplay, and he'll be able to last longer second time around - I'd be surprised if he came quite as fast!