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Original poster

Unemployed Dh now signed off for a year- fed up and skint!

319 replies

Stressedgiraffe · 14/12/2023 19:16

Dh has been unemployed for over 9 months. He's been applying for remote work but not getting any where. I think he's now given up as he has diabetes and side effects .
He was on jsa but has now had a meeting with the disability person who has signed him off as unfit to work.
But he's capable of working. He spends all his time on the computer. He walks the dogs for miles, potters in the garden etc.
He's late 50s so I think he's subtly retiring
But we can't afford it.
I work ft and can just afford rent bills and food. There is no spare money. We have spent our savings.
We have teenagers who want to go out with friends and spend money.
I'm starting to feel really resentful of someone I see 24/7 who now has a cushy life.
How do I stop feeling like this?

OP posts:
Myyearmytime · 14/12/2023 19:17

Get him to claim pip

TigerRag · 14/12/2023 19:19

Myyearmytime · 14/12/2023 19:17

Get him to claim pip

Which he's unlikely to get if his only disability is diabetes

Curlywurlycaz2 · 14/12/2023 19:20

You are allowed to leave him if you are not happy.

Lorelaigilmore88 · 14/12/2023 19:20

If he's been signed off as unfit to work he's now unlikely to continue looking for any work. Why is he only looking for remote roles?
Yanbu

EdgarsTale · 14/12/2023 19:22

Do you have pensions? I wouldn’t be happy about that. It puts all the pressure on you. I’d be having a serious conversation & consider leaving if he’s going to be on the sofa all day for the rest of his life. How depressing.

wannabetraveler · 14/12/2023 19:23

He's been signed off for a year when he's well enough to be walking miles? Bloody chancer. How on earth did he convince a professional that he was unable to work?

betterangels · 14/12/2023 19:27

I understand that you're worried. I really do. But would he really be signed off work for a whole year for no reason? Depression seems likely. And yes, I know everyone says that on here. Just, maybe he can't actually work right now. A year does seem a long time, though, I get that.

Edit: But also: you don't have to accept it. If he is taking the piss, then that's not on, and he needs a kick up the ass.

dothehokeycokey · 14/12/2023 19:27

Got a friend who has a husband like this.

Fucking chancer and lazy git

Selfishly happy to drop his family in financial shit and carry on with some fairly practical hobbies doing what he's managed to get signed off for life of doing in the working world

Really pisses me off.

Original poster
Stressedgiraffe · 14/12/2023 19:28

He has neuropathy in his hands and feet but is on a lot of medication now so it's stable.
I want him to apply for pip as that would help.
He cashed in pension recently but told me it was savings.
I have a pension but still have 20 years of work to go so it'll go up quite well.

OP posts:
FancyBottom · 14/12/2023 19:29

It's very unusual for DWP to give someone a year off lightly so something is fishy here.
If you don't think he is genuinely, shop him but I would try and persuade him to work or you need to take a second job if he is genuinely unable to work.
DWP are bloody hard work to get assessed as unfit to work you have to jump through hoops, unlike what the Sun and DailyFail would have you believe..and if he is genuinely suffering, why begrudge walking miles for his health? If your health is inconsistent or can have varying energy a lot of employers want something consistent and so it is genuine to find it difficult to find suitable work.
JobCentre just doesn't excuse you from work willy nilly, this is a myth.
So I think he must be genuinely unwell and therefore, you need to work more or cut your cloth accordingly, after all in sickness and in health.

Harvestfestivalknickers · 14/12/2023 19:29

Suggest he starts a dog walking business

WillowTit · 14/12/2023 19:30

are you able to claim any help at all?

WillowTit · 14/12/2023 19:31

your teens will have to learn to be self sufficient op, be good for them

Sidebeforeself · 14/12/2023 19:33

Why are people suggesting claim more benefits? OP is saying he can work but has a health problem .Finding work he can do is the answer .Sadly only he can do it though

MercanDede · 14/12/2023 19:34

It’s pretty hard to get signed off as unfit to work for so long. What sort of care plan is in place? Is there input from an occupational therapist? Do you know if this is temporary worth possibility of recovery or a permanent/chronic condition that progressively gets worse?

As he has been signed off for a year, he should apply for PIP. I would also check and see if he can claim ESA or be entitled to any UC with disability element as you say you can’t afford for him to not work.

Original poster
Stressedgiraffe · 14/12/2023 19:35

I don't know what he said to the assessor but he could easily wfh.
I've heard horror stories about applying for pip but he should do that .
I'm thinking about getting a second/weekend job but I'm old and knackered .

OP posts:
MercanDede · 14/12/2023 19:35

Sidebeforeself · 14/12/2023 19:33

Why are people suggesting claim more benefits? OP is saying he can work but has a health problem .Finding work he can do is the answer .Sadly only he can do it though

I’m suggesting it because OP is not a medical professional so likely knows less than the medical professionals that deemed him unfit to work. It’s not easy to get signed off for a year or more.

PermanentTemporary · 14/12/2023 19:37

You're not wrong to feel what you feel, but it sounds like you are living with a stranger. You're guessing what he's doing, you don't seem to have joint plans.

When did you last sit down (or better yet, walk) together and just talk? Not so you can find out or pressure him about going back to work, just talk. Tell him how fed up you are, but not to make him do anything. Share it.

I'd actually focus on the teenagers getting work. Maybe he could come up with some ideas there? Does he get on with them? Do they walk with him? Do you speak about him with respect to them? It's not a bad thing to have a dad who's around more for teenagers.

DragonFly98 · 14/12/2023 19:37

Just because he can use a pc and walk his own dog doesn't mean he is fit for work. It's incredibly difficult to be signed off. I think you are understandably stressful but need to be supportive.

Sidebeforeself · 14/12/2023 19:38

She might not be a medical professional but she knows her own husband better than any of us.

MercanDede · 14/12/2023 19:39

Stressedgiraffe · 14/12/2023 19:35

I don't know what he said to the assessor but he could easily wfh.
I've heard horror stories about applying for pip but he should do that .
I'm thinking about getting a second/weekend job but I'm old and knackered .

WFH/remote jobs are not easy to get. You’ve said “He's been applying for remote work but not getting any where.” This is common. Competition for the small % of jobs that are WFH is very fierce. In addition ableism and ageism is rife, meaning that employers are less likely to hire a disabled person over 40 than an abled person under 40, even if the younger person is barely qualified. A WFH job for a disabled person over 50 is a unicorn hunt.

FancyBottom · 14/12/2023 19:39

The way I look at it:
DWP has every motivation and target to refuse benefits and get people to work
A year is a long time
Meanwhile the wife (OP) has many reasons to minimise his illness.
So on balance, he must be genuinely not well enough. The walking for miles could well be an exaggeration or on a sporadic good day. If we now get a drip feed that it's every day I would be even more sceptical.
Someone on sick leave doesn't have to be bedbound and indoors. It could be argued that walking and being in nature will help his recovery and health.
While she is away FT working and teens at work, why can't he be online? You could be doing anything online.

Mocking it that he is therefore capable of working when he has been formally assessed the government and with probably medical evidence and input just because he has good days or is doing some joyful hobbies, it's absolutely nothing like an actual business or work! How ridiculous!

I think this thread will just round up the vile prejudice against disabilities and benefits.

Sidebeforeself · 14/12/2023 19:40

OP he can try to claim for PIP and still work.

Sidebeforeself · 14/12/2023 19:40

The DWP does not have targets for refusing benefits.

MercanDede · 14/12/2023 19:40

Sidebeforeself · 14/12/2023 19:38

She might not be a medical professional but she knows her own husband better than any of us.

But not better than the people that signed him off work.

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